I am thankful for IRL. Chris Stedman is equal parts caring and indicting, and I hope this is a book that remains at the forefront of the discussion about our livesdigital and otherwisefor years to come.
Hanif Abdurraqib, author of They Cant Kill Us Until They Kill Us and Go Ahead in the Rain
Chris Stedmans newest book is a strangely prescient and timely guide to being more real digitally as we enter an era where we will need to be. His idea of digital life as drag has entirely reoriented my sense of self-presentation there, even as this brilliant book does more than that. By turns playful and wise, he makes us legible to ourselves and each other in new ways.
Alexander Chee, author of How to Write an Autobiographical Novel and The Queen of the Night
At first, the premise of this bookFinding Realness, Meaning, and Belonging in Our Digital Liveswas of exactly zero interest to me because Im too shallow and morally bankrupt to read any book with belonging and meaning in the title. However, I was unexpectedly riveted by Chris Stedmans fascinating and surprising insights into authenticity both online and off, and I was especially moved by his vulnerability. I think so many people are going to relate to this work of memoir and cultural commentary, especially dismissive and judgmental people like me.
Augusten Burroughs, author of Running with Scissors and Dry
IRL is a brilliant and captivating meditation on the complexities of identity in the digital age. Chris Stedman offers a refreshingly nuanced account of how digital spaces both satisfy and complicate the innate human need for community and recognitionparticularly for a generation that can no longer find such fulfillment in religion or other traditional spaces. IRL interrogates conventional binariesthe real versus the fake, the fleeting versus the lastingand asks us to imagine our online lives as a frontier rich with possibility.
Meghan OGieblyn, author of Interior States
Chris Stedmans IRL is full of insight and honesty, but its greatest achievement lies in furthering our vocabulary of what it means to be real. IRL provides the side of the story many think pieces ignore: that for many of us, our digital lives were where we first learned to live most fully.
Garrard Conley, author of Boy Erased
Chris Stedmans IRL is a deft interrogation of how our increasingly digital lives have reshaped our sense of whats real, within ourselves and around us. Drawing from equally deep wells of research and reflection, Stedman probes and provokes our expectations of our changing world, and how we fit in it.
Sam Lansky, author of The Gilded Razor and Broken People
IRL takes the shame out of our dependence on the internet and helps us imagine new kinds of consolation and community for a fragmented and sometimes lonely world.
Briallen Hopper, author of Hard to Love
Chris Stedman embraces (rather than resists) the unity of opposite impulses that define our social lives online: critical engagement alongside mob mentality, surprising intimacies and algorithmic bubbles, selfies as vanity projects and selfies as spiritual opportunities. Reading this book made me think more deeply and ethically about the life I lead online andrelatedly, I now seewhat it is to be human.
Thomas Page McBee, author of Amateur
By reckoning with his own complicated relationship to social media, Chris Stedman ponders notions of community, friendship, heartache, and, above all, how to live a meaningful life. Filled with humane candor and clear-eyed prose, these pages show a brilliant mind at work on some of the thorniest issues today.
Nick White, author of How to Survive a Summer and Sweet and Low
Chris Stedman brings a compelling combination of intimacy, vulnerability, irony, and brutal honesty to his search for what it means to be real both in and out of virtual spaces. His testimony opens a space for all of us to stop fetishizing discipline and false coherence and instead dig deeper into uncertainty and connection.
Ana Marie Cox, culture critic and host of With Friends Like These
Chris Stedman draws on his work as a fierce activist and trailblazing thinker to illuminate a path forward for us all. He shows how the internet offers us an opportunity to approach the most central questions of life in new ways. This book is essential reading for understanding what it means to be human in our digital world.
Valarie Kaur, author of See No Stranger
Its easy to passively let social media run our lives (as many of us do when we start our day by scrolling through it). It takes a wise person to find the good and edifying within it, to identify a constructive way to use and to think about it. Chris Stedman is that person, and were lucky to have his rational voice in these rancorous times.
Dave Holmes, author of Party of One
In IRL, Chris Stedman is getting after the real questionsand best of all, hes not answering them for us, but encouraging us to ask them too. Hes a mapmaker charting intangible paths between the digital and physical realms.
Dylan Marron, host of Conversations with People Who Hate Me and creator of Every Single Word
I, like many of my millennial compatriots, spend a good chunk of my life online. Few are able to write as lucidly on the subject as Chris Stedman, bringing clarity to the often-chaotic lifestyle of the terminally online. I highly recommend this book, and I think it will play an important part in shaping how we discuss online interactions moving forward.
John Paul Brammer, columnist and author of Hola Papi!
Chris Stedmans perspective on humanness is so wise, vulnerable, and insightful. While the internet can bring us together and make us feel like we know strangers, true intimacy is a rare and magical thing. This surprising book possesses that magic, and generously offers it to the reader.
R. Eric Thomas, author of Here for It
We contain multitudes. Seeing all of those multitudes spun together with a combination of personal memoir and academic interest kept me turning page after page. Ultimately, Chris Stedman does for our digital worlds what he does for atheismasks us to expand our thinking beyond just one thing or the other, good or bad, and see that were all of us... just real.
Nora McInerny, author of Its Okay to Laugh and host of Terrible, Thanks for Asking
This is a book of warmth and wisdom, a book about what it means to be human. It will expand your mind and comfort your spirit. I loved it.
Eboo Patel, author of Acts of Faith
Chris Stedman writes from a very personal, empathetic place of genuine curiosity, which inspired me to reflect on my own life online.
Cole Escola, actor and comedian
What does it mean to be real? This is the question that launches author and activist Chris Stedman on a personal and philosophical journey through the ways social media has changed our very sense of self.
Reza Aslan, author of Zealot and God: A Human History