David Walton - Introducing Emotional Intelligence: A Practical Guide

Take a look at the following people. Do they remind you of anyone you know?

Anthony is trying to decide whether to cash in a savings bond to buy a classic car he wants. The trouble is, if he keeps the bond for another six months, it will mature and he will get an extra 5,000. But the car will have gone and its special. He wants it badly. Hes already got three other cars but hes not good on delayed gratification. Things would be easier if he had regular work.

Sue doesnt get on with her chief executive despite doing a really good job. Hes incredibly dismissive, doesnt respond to her reports on things which need looking at or approaching differently and he never looks her in the eye. Her colleagues see her as a role model for good practice. She wants a good career but isnt sure about the next step.

Peta hasnt met her sales targets again. Her customers just like to talk about their problems. She doesnt have anything in common with those sorts of people and would rather just get on with the job.

Peter gets very frustrated at home. His wife has changed. Nothing seems to satisfy her anymore and he has only the vaguest notion why. She seems frustrated or depressed all the time, in equal measure. She thinks hes always at fault so he gets angry, slamming doors and walking away.

Like many people, these individuals are all struggling with situations and difficulties which are troubling to different degrees. At first sight, it seems as though logic, rational decision-making and perhaps good common sense are the answer in theory, that is. But these examples come from the real world. Anthony, Sue and the others are real people. And that means they arent always logical. They dont always use rational decision-making, or common sense, for that matter.

Instincts, feelings and personal values take over and become a major part of the dilemmas facing our four people. Conflict between our thinking and our feelings makes things complicated. Gut instincts or intuition rely a great deal on emotion and feelings. The real world is a place where both feelings and instincts are major influences on our behaviour.

Anthony for example is having difficulty resisting temptation. He could wait for a lot more money his logic might tell him but the demands made by his emotions are in conflict with this. What actually happened was that, as usual, he gave way to his emotions and cashed in his savings bond. A year later he was in dire financial circumstances not just because of the car, but because the struggle between logic and emotion was always won in the same way. His feelings seem to take over his thinking: he makes a great case to himself for anything he wants.

Sue is trying to balance her own anxieties with the way her organization is changing and the effect of this change on the views and approaches of her colleagues. Her need for recognition is very high. She works with people who dont express themselves emotionally nor understand the importance of this for motivating staff. A year on, she has left her job. The organization has lost a real asset.

Peta hoped that her sales performance could be good enough without engaging too closely with her customers. She is uncomfortable getting too close to people. She finds small talk difficult and has always coped by concentrating on things she is interested in. Her product knowledge is good but it doesnt seem to affect her performance. She is now working in a back-office role, at a lower salary.

Peter is struggling to find ways of bringing his relationship under control. He and his wife are strong characters but he has never felt able to confront problems between them. He thinks it is better to walk away when he is angry because he has difficulty controlling strong emotions. His wife thinks he has become cold and is now wondering whether her life could be more fulfilling.

In each of the situations described above, the people involved will benefit from improving their emotional intelligence (EI). Their doing so will also make life easier for those who have to interact with them. EI is a valuable set of ideas you can use in the workplace and in the home; as a parent, teacher or manager.

Its about being aware of feelings in yourself and in others, understanding them and managing their impact. Its about being in control, interpreting body language, coping with negativity, working with others and building psychological well-being.

Emotional intelligence is an assortment of mental abilities and skills that can help you to successfully manage both yourself and the demands of working with others.

Developing your own EI enables you to:

• Know yourself reasonably well
• Control your own emotions
• Show empathy with the feelings of others
• Use social skills in an effective as well as simply pleasant way.

This involves:

• Mindfulness: being aware understanding yourself and others
• Being in control of your own thoughts, emotions and needs
• Being positive and self-motivated particularly in the face of setbacks
• Using empathy: being able to put yourself in others shoes