This book contains 21 Powerful Strategies for Improving Your Social Skills and Increase your EQ for Life and Work. It presents a description of what Emotional Intelligence is and how acquiring the skills to enhance it will greatly change your social and work life.
Time was when most people consider mental or cognitive ability as the major contributor to an individuals success in life and at work. Success then was associated with a broad array of mental abilities, such as memory, reasoning, judgment, and abstract thought. As such, IQ was held as the standard of excellence for success in life until Daniel Goleman came up with his best-selling book on emotional intelligence.
Golemans book popularized the concept of emotional intelligence and caught the attention of researchers, scientists, the public, and the media. But today, scientists claim a connection between emotional abilities and prosocial behavior, reduction of violence in schools, and its effective application in the workplace. Now, people from all professions incorporate emotional intelligence into their social and professional practices.
You can benefit from the use of emotional intelligence and achieve happiness in your personal, social, and professional life. This book shows you how to acquire the abilities to improve your emotional and social intelligence.
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Chapter 1
Understanding Emotional Intelligence
Imagine a situation where you receive a job offer, and you see it as a great opportunity in terms of salary, advancement, and location. But, you feel uneasy about resigning from your present job and moving on. Confronted with this situation, will you disregard your feeling and choose the logical path of accepting the job? Or, will you follow your feeling and disappoint your family?
Solving problems and making decisions entail thoughts and feelings, or you can say logic and intuition, both of which are part of what is referred to as emotional intelligence. You may have faced similar situations where you have to make wise decisions. Being able to understand your emotions and the emotions of others, you can use the knowledge to achieve success in life.
What is emotional intelligence?
Emotional intelligence is that ability which enables you, not only to recognize your emotions and that of the other people but to understand and control the emotions. Being able to control your emotions is valuable, especially in stressful moments.
Another way of looking at emotional intelligence is to view it as noncognitive emotional and social abilities, skills, and competencies that allow you to cope with environmental pressures and demands.
Emotional intelligence involves knowing what you feel when interacting with others, understanding how others feel, and using that knowledge to act constructively for your interest and that of the other people. It calls for your ability to empathize, to be resilient when confronted with difficulties, to control your impulses, and manage stress.
The end purpose of using emotional intelligence is to achieve prosocial behaviors. It can be used to come up with a win-win solution to a difficult situation where both end of the parties benefit. But, there is a dark side to emotional intelligence that you should be aware of in order to protect yourself.
How do you know you have good EQ?
EQ is crucial to your success in life; therefore, developing the right EQ skills is crucial. You will know if you or the other person you are facing has the right EQ competencies:
- When you are aware of your feelings, recognize them when they occur, and be able to discriminate them.
- When you can handle your feelings, making them relevant to the current situation so you can respond accordingly.
- When you can motivate yourself, collect your feelings, and lead yourself toward a goal despite inertia, self-doubts, and impulsiveness.
- When you can recognize and empathize with the feelings of others and sync into their nonverbal and verbal cues.
- When you can handle interpersonal interactions, resolve conflicts and negotiate successfully.
There is, however, a dark side to emotional intelligence. By itself, emotional intelligence is morally neutral. One who has mastered emotional intelligence can use it to protect or promote the self. Or, the skills can be used to promote the self at the expense of others.
Studies have shown that people with high EQ can assess and control emotions to advance their own interests or achieve their personal goals. A report made by Dr. Martin Kilduff argues that EQ has a dark counterpart to the principles of EQ. Persons with high EQ use this ability to intimidate, spin, and manipulate individuals or groups to influence them and conform to ones will.
When is emotional intelligence right and when is it wrong?
A person with high EQ abilities and competencies can misuse or abuse EQ by:
Strategically detecting emotion the skill is used to analyze colleagues with regards their emotional state and pick up on nonverbal clues. The information they get will then be used for personal advantage.
Control display of emotions persons high on EQ can hide their emotions, like a poker player. Or, they can express strong beliefs not held just to advance the self, at the expense of others.
Shape and stir the emotions of others - Persons high on EQ are adept at appearing sympathetic to another person, while silently shaping and stirring the other persons emotions. A master EQ performer can listen to your account of a story while the master performer puts emphasis on the negatives and disregards the positives. This is referred to as strategic empathizing which unbalances the other person, especially if the other person is viewed as a threat by the perpetrator.