Jaap Hollander - Provocative Coaching: Making Things Better by Making Them Worse

This is a book about Provocative Coaching and Provocative Therapy: challenging people in order to help them. It explains in detail how to do Provocative Coaching and the psychological mechanisms through which the provocative style works. Maybe you are a coach or a therapist? Could this be a useful new instrument for your toolbox? It would be great to chuckle when you are thinking back over your sessions, wouldnt it? Humour is an important aspect of Provocative Coaching. Also, you may currently have some clients who dont improve, no matter how hard you try. With Provocative Coaching you might be able to help them too. Some of them at least. Or maybe you are just an interested layperson who wants to learn about people. You might be a teacher or a manager or a consultant. Never mind, you are welcome to participate. At minimum you are in for a few good laughs. About halfway through Chapter 2, there is the following conversation:

Coach (touching clients shoulder): So, tell me, whats the problem?

Client: I have become a total monomaniac I do one thing only. Well, maybe a few other little things, but mostly I do only one thing.

Coach: And we all know what that is, dont we?

Client (chuckling): You do?

Coach: Yes, but I dont want to embarrass you with sexual disclosures.

Client (laughing): But the thing is, I have become so good at being a monomaniac, that I cant do anything else any more. Let me give you an example. I used to be involved in playing classical flute music a lot. But that has totally fallen out of my life

Coach: Your flute has fallen off! (Laughter from the group, client slaps coachs knee)

Client: Yeah, you could say that! What you are suggesting, that might be quite true!

Coach: Okay, so you are focusing on one thing only, and all the other things disappear. And what is that one single thing?

Client: Yeah, well, thats my work my working life a lot of different kinds of work, thats true, so there is some variation

Coach: Sure, within this monomania (with his hand gestures coach is indicating a small space of about one cubic decimetre), within this tiny space there is some variation Okay, but why is that a problem? Isnt it just a matter of enjoying your work? Doing what you like doing most? Whats wrong with that? Forget about all these stupid little things like art, or personal development, or sex, or relationships, or the future of mankind and what have you Work, thats what counts! I understand. So why is that a problem? You are focusing on what you are most suited for work.

Client: No, no, no, youve got to see, no that is one of the things with being a monomaniac, youre focused so much on one thing that is the reason why you enjoy that most, and that is precisely the problem! And then

Coach (interrupting him): But doesnt that make life a lot simpler?

Client: Yes, no, no, sure (sarcastically), thats true, its very simple. When people come to me with plans that do not relate to my work, you know, I just say no, no, no, I dont have time for that!

Coach: Right! Good for you! So when people say they want to visit you, you go no, no, no, no!(Coach is making broad defensive movements with his arms)Dont visit me! I have work to do! Go away. Dont waste my time!

Client: Yeah just about.

Coach: But I still dont see what the problem is. Youre doing what you enjoy doing. Youre doing what feels good to you. Your life is simple. So whats the problem?

Client: Yeah, no, no well yeah, Im doing my thing

Coach: And isnt that what everybody wants? To do their thing?

Client (shading his eyes with his hand, turning inside): No dammit, the problem is Okay, so Im sitting behind my desk, and Im thinking: Im going to post a note at the musical conservatory to find a flute student as a musical partner And then I do write the note, but I never put it up on the board. Because I know the only way to play the flute well is to do it in a monomaniac way, and spend lots and lots of time on it.

Coach: So, in a moment of acute insanity, you let go of this wonderful state of total work obsession. But, lucky for you, you returned to your senses just in time! Common sense won, and you forgot these crazy plans like having a hobby and everything. And isnt that beautiful? That you have a healthy common sense that protects you from crazy actions like that?

Client (staring into space): You know, the strange thing is, when you say it, it sounds crazy (making a lunatic gesture with his hand). But thats exactly the kind of reasoning that I do myself, these days!

Coach: And think about the money!

Client: What?

Coach: What kind of work do you do?

Client: I do therapy and I write books.

Coach: Okay, so all these hours you could be writing books or could be seeing clients You could be making money!

Client: Yeah, exactly, thats what Im thinking too Im not crazy! Its a total waste of time!

Coach: You have to be really careful with this, you know. You start with one hobby, but then one thing leads to another. And pretty soon another hobby is added, and another one and another one. And before you know it, you are doing hobbies all the time and you can hardly get any work done any more. At first its only playing the flute, but then you go: I want to take up sailing, because thats what I used to do too. And I should go to the pub more often, and play cards, because thats what I used to do. And going out to see movies, and going to the theatre, and to restaurants, and theatre festivals, and cross-country trips. Before you know it, you are totally absorbed with all these stupid hobbies, and even if you would like to do some work, its impossible. Your hobbies have taken over your life like a virus or a fungus or whatever and they have completely destroyed your productivity! You cant work any more because you have to play the flute, you have to go to the club, you have to go sail your boat And what is that going to do for your wife and for your children?

Client: What do you mean?

Coach: Your children are depending on you. They are thinking: dad is going to work his ass off for at least another thirty years. And then we will get a great inheritance. He will leave us lots of money! And while you are getting more and more addicted to those horrible hobbies, your children will think: our inheritance is going down the drain! Dammit, there goes another 1,000 euros! Your children are crying when you are playing the flute! (With horror in his voice) My God, he is playing the flute with my money! (Client is collapsing with laughter, he cant speak)

(Coach continues accusingly, pointing with his finger, still enacting the children) And there he is, my own