Allison Bottke - A Young Womans Guide to Setting Boundaries. Six Steps to Help Teens *Make Smart Choices *Cope with Stress * Untangle...

In 2008, author Allison Bottke launched her Setting Boundaries series of books with the publication of Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children. That book has now sold more than 150,000 copies and has helped countless parents deal with the fallout of having adult children who have never taken responsibility for their own lives.

In the years since she wrote Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children , Allison has added these important titles to her series:

Setting Boundaries with Your Aging Parents

Setting Boundaries with Difficult People

Setting Boundaries with Food

Setting Boundaries for Women

This new book, A Young Womans Guide to Setting Boundaries , encourages teens to make smart choices and cope with stress by looking at the role boundaries play in life and love. As in the previous books in the Setting Boundaries series, Allison offers the valuable SANITY acronym to help you regain your sanity by setting appropriate boundaries and sticking to them.

Allison Bottke writes from the heart. She digs deep into her own experience with the complex issues people face daily. In Allison, youll find a compassionate friendand an author whose words can help you change your life.

For more information about the books in Allisons Setting Boundaries series, please turn to the back of this book.

HARVEST HOUSE PUBLISHERS

EUGENE, OREGON

Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are from the Holy Bible, New International Version, NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Verses marked NLT are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright 1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Verses marked NRSV are from the New Revised Standard Version of the Bible, copyright 1989 by the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the USA. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Cover by Garborg Design Works, Savage, Minnesota

Published in association with the literary agency of The Steve Laube Agency, LLC, 5025 N. Central Ave., #635, Phoenix, Arizona, 85012.

SETTING BOUNDARIES is a registered trademark of The Hawkins Childrens LLC. Harvest House Publishers, Inc. is the exclusive licensee of the federally registered trademark SETTING BOUNDARIES.

This book contains stories in which peoples names and some details of their situations have been changed to protect their privacy.

A YOUNG WOMANS GUIDE TO SETTING BOUNDARIES

Copyright 2014 by Allison Bottke

Published by Harvest House Publishers

Eugene, Oregon 97402

www.harvesthousepublishers.com

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Bottke, Allison.

A young womans guide to setting boundaries / Allison Bottke.

pages cm

Includes bibliographical references.

ISBN 978-0-7369-5669-7 (pbk.)

ISBN 978-0-7369-5670-3 (eBook)

1. Teenage girlsReligious life. 2. Teenage girlsConduct of life. 3. Christian teenagersReligious life. 4. Christian teenagersConduct of life. 5. Interpersonal conflictReligious aspectsChristianity. 6. Interpersonal relationsReligious aspectsChristianity. I. Title.

BV4551.3.B68 2014

248.8'33dc23

2013048204

All rights reserved. No part of this electronic publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, digital, photocopy, recording, or any otherwithout the prior written permission of the publisher. The authorized purchaser has been granted a nontransferable, nonexclusive, and noncommercial right to access and view this electronic publication, and purchaser agrees to do so only in accordance with the terms of use under which it was purchased or transmitted. Participation in or encouragement of piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of authors and publishers rights is strictly prohibited.

To Steve Laube

And to my Harvest House family

You have loved, supported, and encouraged me with your words, actions, and truth.

You have taught me with your leadership, wisdom, and faith.

I am a better person for having known you.

I am deeply grateful.

May God continue to richly bless your lives as you have blessed mine.

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

C OLOSSIANS 3:15-17

Contents

I couldnt believe I was only 15 years old and having to make this decision. I was sitting in a Planned Parenthood office, and the woman across from me was discussing my pregnancy. She looked me in the eye and talked to me woman-to-woman.

Youre smart, and you have a good future ahead of you. Id suggest you have an abortion, she said. Its a simple procedure, and then you can continue with your life. You can finish high school and go to college. I know you wont regret it.

I listened to her and took her advice, but she couldnt have been more wrong. I did regret my abortionnot that Id tell anyone that for many years. Instead, I tried to mask my pain by sleeping with guys, drinking with friends on the weekends, and with losing myself in soap operas or long novels that took my mind off real life.

My bad decisions started long before that day at Planned Parenthood. Starting in elementary school, I had crushes on my classmates, and I longed for love and attention. When an older guy finally gave that attention to me, I thought Id fallen in love. I thought he was the one Id be with forever. When he moved away, I was crushed, and I continued to date and to give myself to other guys, hoping to find fulfillment. I never found it. Not there. Not with him. Not with any high school boyfriend.

Id grown up going to church, and I knew right from wrong. I knew not to listen to music with foul language, or watch horror shows, or sleep with my boyfriend, but no one ever taught me how to make wise decisions. No one ever taught me how to set boundariesor even why they were important. So when I slipped up once, I just assumed Id blown it and there was no hope for me. So why not slip up again? And again? I didnt understand that every day could be a new day to make positive changes.

The adults in my life didnt know how to help me. My mother never wanted to cause conflict between us, so she rarely said anything about my choices. Looking back I see now that she was more interested in being my friend than my parent. So instead of trying to find out why my choices werent satisfying me, I kept trying to find happiness in all the wrong ways.

By the time I found myself pregnant again two years later, I was in a different frame of mind. I realized boundaries werent meant to keep us from having fun. Boundaries were for protection, for guidance. I learned that my emotions didnt have to guide my decisions. Yes, my heart could want something, but that didnt mean it was best for meit didnt mean I should pursue it. I also learned that I could turn unhealthy habits, impure thoughts, and unwholesome actions over to Jesus.

So I became a mom at age 17, and even though I havent always made perfect choices, Jesus has walked beside me. When I didnt have the strength to stand firm, He gave me strength. Jesus showed me I didnt have to try to stick to my boundaries alone. He longed to be there for me. And what a difference it made when I turned to Him! He brought me an amazing husband and five more kidsthree through adoption. Today, I write books, encourage other moms, and travel the world. Its ironic that I thought boundaries would keep me from having funinstead they opened up my world in ways I never imagined!