Lynn Crilly - Fundamentals. A Guide for Parents, Teachers and Carers on Mental Health and Self-Esteem

O n a chilly November evening about five years ago, I was walking along the main road which led from Liverpool Street station to my then-home in East London. A man with a friendly face walking in the opposite direction said Excuse me? and despite the cold, darkness and everything my mother has told me about not talking to strangers, something made me stop and say Yes?.

I just wanted to tell you that you look lovely, he said. I thanked him, he turned on his heel and walked away. The entire exchange must have delayed me by about ten seconds.

As I continued marching home, suddenly a firework shot out of a side street, directly across my path. If I had been on my original trajectory and not had that brief conversation with the stranger, the firework would have hit me.

Ive come to see that experience as a metaphor for my job. If I can convince young people just to pause briefly in the darkness to consider what I tell them, then perhaps I might prevent them from being damaged by some of the things that life will throw at them (whilst also giving them the message that they look lovely).

If my role is that of the stranger who delivers a positive message on lifes journey, then parents, carers and teachers are the constant companions guiding young people along the path.

In our complex and often toxic culture, theres so much pressure for the adults who are guiding young people to be perfect. There are a gazillion conflicting messages being fired at you from all angles and most are placing every conceivable blame squarely at your door. The world will find infinite ways to tell you that you arent good enough, if you give it even an iota of a chance.

The truth is no one gets it right a hundred per cent of the time. No matter how comprehensively you try and cater to your young charges needs, there will be some things that you cannot control, some lessons they need to learn on their own and theyll inevitably emerge from their coming-of-age a tiny bit fucked-up (because being a tiny bit fucked-up is actually a crucial part of being a human being).

This book is all about the things you can do. Most of the changes wed encourage you to make are simple and easy to implement, yet theyll dramatically transform the culture of your home, your school and most importantly, your mind. By tweaking the language that we use and examining the way we understand and communicate about self-esteem and mental illness, we can help build the armour young people need to navigate their lives happily and healthily.

According to a study, in an average British classroom in 2011 three students were self-harming. Eating disorders will be experienced by one in ten young people before they reach the age of twenty-five. Suicide is the biggest killer of men and boys under twenty-one in the UK. Ten percent of the British population currently meet the diagnostic criteria for mixed depression and anxiety disorder.

I could go on but I wont because, ironically, to do so would be too depressing. For whilst my work delivering self-esteem classes to teenagers over the past eight years has, sadly, completely borne out the above statistics, it has also taught me to hope. Our young people are brilliant. If youre a parent reading this, thanks so much for making them they are a pleasure to interact with every day.

Children and teenagers have an ability to adapt and the flexibility to allow themselves to think in unfamiliar ways, making them the proverbial leopards who CAN in fact change their spots. They have an optimism and enthusiasm for life which you can really only have when you have not yet experienced a grey pubic hair or had to pay your own Council Tax. They have been more sensitive, more emotionally intelligent and more insightful than I could ever have anticipated.

In my experience, all most young folk need is a little guidance, a bit of clarity, reassurance that theyre valued, a safe environment to express how they feel and a couple of really good role models. This book aims to give you the information and tools you need to provide those things.

Natasha Devon