Dalton - Whip Me, Beat Me, Make Me Write Hot Sex

Whip Me, Beat Me,
Make Me Write Hot Sex:

A writers guide to BDSM basics
and for those who are curious.

Tymber Dalton

www.tymberdalton.com

Whip Me, Beat Me, Make Me Write Hot Sex:
A writers guide to BDSM basicsand for those who are curious.

Copyright 2012 by Tymber Dalton

Second E-book Publication: February 2012
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Note

The information provided in this work is meant to be used only by consenting adults. The author assumes no liability or responsibility for any results from the use or misuse of information in this work. Undertake any of the activities described herein at your own risk, and only after proper instruction and research.

This work contains information of an adult nature. Please keep out of the reach of minors.

Chapter One: Why Were Here

BDSM is one of the hottest selling erotica genres. No surprise, because its such a rich and diverse topic. For those familiar with the lifestyle, some of the fiction revolving around the BDSM world is, unfortunately, laughably lacking in accuracy.

Thats why Ive created this primer of sorts for my fellow writers who want to dip their toe into the world of BDSM. To help them avoid common errors you wont catch if you only do your research on Wikipedia. Its impossible for me to cover everything, but if you email me with questions Ill update this primer every so often and include those questions as covered topics.

This primer is also good for people who might have questions about the BDSM lifestyle but dont know where (or who) to begin asking.

Ready?

Lets begin.

First of all, let me tell you who I am and why Im qualified to write on this topic in the first place. I do not claim to be an expert on all things kinky. No one can claim that, due to the richly diverse ways people go about practicing their kink. I have, however, done my research on the topics Ive written about. I am active in the BDSM lifestyle as a switch, meaning Im comfortable on either end of the whip, so to speak.

Some of you will be familiar with my books such as The Reluctant Dom , Domme by Default , Safe Harbor , and Love Slave for Two: Beginnings , where I use BDSM as an integral part of the storyline. Some of my books, like Fierce Radiance , Love Slave for Two , and Love Slave for Two: Family Matters only touch on certain aspects of it in a milder way.

I have done a lot of field research, as it were, on the topic. I have attended BDSM play parties, Munches, talked to people in the lifestyle, and made many friends there. I have had manuscripts vetted by seasoned members of the BDSM community. I have tried my hand at a more than a few things as a top and as a bottom. Trust me, you cannot write about trying to throw a singletail unless you have actually tried to throw a singletail.

The next two things Im about to share with you will sound very contradictory, but youll soon see that, in fact, they arent.

1. No two players practice BDSM the same way.

2. Most writers inaccurately portray BDSM.

The problem is, like with any diversion, for lack of a better word, there are one true wayers. Or, as you might see it written on FetLife.com, won twue wayers. (WTWs) There are people who will insist, no matter how much research you do, no matter how right you get it, that you still got it wrong because you didnt write it their way.

Ignore them.

My book The Reluctant Dom was ripped apart by one reviewer for, according to them, not being an accurate portrayal of BDSM, because no one they knew practiced it like that. Despite the fact that not only did a Dom friend of mine with over twenty years of experience in the lifestyle vet the manuscript for me, he told me that he knew a couple that went through a similar situation as Kaden and Leah in my story. Also, I had a lifestyle slave contact me and tell me that she used to be a cutter and her sister slave used to burn herself, and that their two Masters have a pact that if one dies, the other will assume responsibility for the surviving slave. Another Dom I know locally, who has been active in the lifestyle for over thirty years, read The Reluctant Dom and told me I absolutely got it right. Not to mention I personally know people in the lifestyle who use BDSM play as a safe, alternative method of coping with stress or trauma. And those are just a few of many examples.

Now, that leads me to point number two. When I say most writers inaccurately portray BDSM, its usually because they dont understand the underpinnings of the lifestyle. They dont do adequate research on the tools and techniques, or they treat BDSM as a sex act like anal sex or the missionary position instead of understanding the mindset behind BDSM.

This is a different issue from people practicing the lifestyle in different ways. This means you cannot use handcuffs for suspension work (as I read in one story). You cannot keep someone tied up for hours in certain ways and expect them to not be injured. You cannot have a Dom or Top whaling on someone with a cane without regards to whether or not theyre cutting fleshyou can easily break the skin with a cane, or cause internal injuries. A woman who is dominant all her life with no submissive leanings whatsoever is not going to suddenly decide to be a lifestyle slave after a thirty minute play session. Also, keep in mind that just because someone has a kinky relationship doesnt mean they automatically have kinky sex. Or someone might have kinky sex and a totally vanilla relationship.

While yes, you can take literary liberties, there is a huge difference between liberties and lazy writing. Start with some basis in reality so you dont run your story off the rails.

After reading quite a few fiction BDSM books and realizing they all shared one fatal flawlack of accurate researchI decided it was time to write a primer to help my fellow writers. Especially when I asked around and found that several of them had never witnessed any BDSM activities first-hand, and that they got their information through second-hand sources.

You cannot get your information about BDSM from reading other fictional BDSM books. Trust me, most of those authors didnt do in-depth research. At least, not the authors of many of the books Ive read. Not to mention people in the lifestyle also read erotica, and if you commit fatal errors in your manuscript, you will lose them as a reader.

Another issue is that, frankly, many editors are not versed in BDSM. They can easily miss errors. If you want to accurately write about BDSM and you dont practice it, or you dont want to do real-life research, hook up with someone in the lifestyle (who isnt a won twue wayer) to read through your manuscript for you and give you a thumbs up or down.

What Im about to tell you should not be taken as the final word on the topic of BDSM. Your mileage and experience, if you have real-world BDSM experience, might vary. This is simply meant to be a guidebook to help you avoid the common pitfalls and errors plaguing much of BDSM fiction written by vanilla writers. (By vanilla, of course, I mean someone who isnt into the lifestyle.)