Michelle Fegatofi - Bdsm Basics for Beginners - A Guide for Dominants and Submissives Starting to Explore the Lifestyle

These are questions I have gotten that I thought might help you on your journey. They dont really fit a certain topic, but span across many. Thus, the reason they are put here, in their own separate chapter.

F = Fan Question or Comment

M = Me - Michelle

Question 1

F : I dont really know much about the lifestyle other than what I have read on the internet. I am 40 yrs old and for as long as I can remember I am a very passive and submissive person and enjoy being that way. I continually seek out dominant people which have at times been to my detriment . I am married to a naturally dominant man who also isnt into the scene , its just how we are. I guess what I am asking is # 1 am I too old to be suddenly getting into this? # 2 is it poss ible for a married couple (of 20 yrs) to suddenly adopt a D/s rel ationship and if so , how would we go about it?

M : Hello Natalie and thanks for coming to me for information. I love helping and guiding new people in this lifestyle.
First, I believe that age is nothing but a way to count time. It has nothing to do with our ability to change, adapt, grow or learn. I myself am 39 yrs old, so I'm very close to your age.

Has your husband shown any desire to change or enhance your relationship through BDSM? Have you talked to him about your curiosity to explore the vast variations of BDSM? That is key. There is a huge difference between a True Dominant and a dominant person. No matter your age or how long you have been married, if there is the willingness to explore and learn about BDSM, i believe it could enhance your marriage and bring you closer

I will explain. With a regular marriage, even if one partner is more dominant than the other one, for the most part you are both equals. You probably go and come as you please, wear what you want, eat what you want, go out with friends if you want and basically just tell the other one, 'Hey huni, I'm gonna go... do... whatever.....' This is how most marriages are. Well in a BDSM one, there are so many variations. BDSM does not just consist of sexual domination, bondage, spankings, or things along those lines. A huge part is one partner (in this case you) being submissive and trusting their Dominant (in this case your husband) so completely and deeply, that you have an innate desire to yield and submit to his authority, in all kinds of situations, not just sexual. Now, there are many couples that only practice BDSM inside the bedroom, but there are also those that practice more of a 24/7 type. I am one of the latter.

My Master has given me guidelines of how to dress in every occasion, how far from the house I can go without him being with me, what times I can be outside and when I have to be home. I also have many other rules, but those are just examples to help you understand.

The way to start is to first research more on what being in a BDSM relationship is. After you get a basic understanding, ask yourself, in your heart, what parts do you want to incorporate in your relationship? Talk to your husband first and make sure he would be on board? If it's more about the sexual part, you can use stockings, ties, bandanas, or other things of that nature to tie hands and feet during sex. You can also use something as a blindfold to start out with. Take it slow and get a feel of what you both would be comfortable with and want to try.

A great way is to make a list of things you want to do, may want to try, and absolutely will not do. This is called a Hard limits list. This is what you put in place before ever experimenting. Since you have been married so long, I think you know each other very well.