Master M Hatter - Virtually Yours: The Dominants guide to making BDSM work at a distance and online

On the other side of the world, sitting behind a desk at work, thoughts tumble onto the computer terminal. With a press of a button these thoughts travel the vast networks that connect you to another computer the words flash up on a screen an email is read on a phone.

It continues to amaze me how we are able to connect with each other; that through this keyboard I can present thoughts, and in so doing these thoughts can become your thoughts. I can describe for you an object and you can visualize it you can send me a message telling me how you are feeling and I can empathise with you without ever having to meet you in person.

It is this love of the ability of thoughts to travel that has made me so fascinated with how effective BDSM relationships can take place while the participants are not physically in the same room or even the same country.

On the website Fetlife (a BDSM version of Facebook) a member posted the simple question, When you have tied someone up, what do you do with them next? This resulted in a lot of sarcastic replies, but in amongst them were a few attempts by people to talk a novice through the BDSM dynamic. This book is in part aimed at the person who might ask the question, I have an online sub, now what do I do with them? and is an attempt to provide a toolbox that can be used by those with more experience who would like some extra ideas. A lot of the ideas talked about in this book are applicable to anyone involved in a 24/7 BDSM relationship looking for suggestions of how to keep things happening when not physically in each others presence.

There is not a single way of doing BDSM, and there may be much that you disagree with in this book. The attempt is not to provide a blueprint for a single type of relationship, but rather to provoke thoughts about a wide range of subjects that impact such relationships in the hope that thinking through some of the options might enrich these experiences.

This book does not address what I call virtual-virtual fantasy, which is the type of interaction people often first think of in relation to Virtual Sex/BDSM; online conversations like:

Tina: I fall to my knees and suck your massive cock

Simon: I take hold of your hair and pull you deeper down on me

I use the term virtual-virtual as the communication is not face-to-face in the physical world, and is about something that isnt physically happening. The conversation is one in which people describe actions that are not happening as though they are happening.

By contrast the following scene c an be described as Virtual-Real:

Tina: I am on my knees thinking about sucking your cock

Simon: If I were there I would grab hold of your hair and pull you deep down onto me. Open your mouth wide for me.

Assuming that Tina is indeed on her knees, then both parties are describing things that are.

The difference between this and the previous conversation, although subtle, is a vital one. In discussing the virtual world and how to construct meaningful interactions, it is essential to start with honesty.

A middle ground can be found between virtual-virtual and virtual-real through Second Life, which is described briefly at the end of this book.