Praise for Alice Miller and The Body Never Lies
Alice Millers arguments are lucid, closely reasoned, and utterly convincing.
Elaine Kendall, Los Angeles Times Book Review
Alice Miller makes chillingly clear to the many what has been recognized only by the few: the extraordinary pain and psychological suffering inflicted on children under the guise of conventional childrearing.
Maurice Sendak, author of Where the Wild Things Are
In her brilliant book, Alice Miller uses famous peoples lives, like Marcel Proust and Virginia Woolf, to teach us all a concept that is common in all of our livesthat unhealed trauma creates illness. I loved this book.
Mona Lisa Schulz, author of The New Feminine Brain and Awakening Intuition
As Alice Miller knows and makes so clear, the body remembers all the pain and suffering of childhood and exposes the abuses of childhood through physical symptoms in adolescence and adulthood, which she explores in this book. Readers will find much in this book that resonates with their own experiences and will learn how to confront the overt and covert traumas of their own childhoods with the enlightened guidance of Alice Miller.
Philip Greven, professor emeritus, Rutgers University, and author of Spare the Child: The Religious Roots of Punishment and the Psychological Impact of Physical Abuse
On her life journey of research and writing, Alice Miller has gained great inner freedom and strength. In The Body Never Lies , she courageously questions traditional morality and inspires us to face the often life-long pain that children suffer through their parents. Her profound insights into this vital relationship create a truthful vision of man and his coercion to be destructive and self-destructive.
Barbara Rodgers, author of Screams from Childhood
Few authors have championed the cause of the wounded child in all of us as Alice Miller has. In her latest masterpiece, The Body Never Lies , Millers prose is, as ever, fearless and refreshingly direct. Miller breaks new ground as she tackles the most toxic cultural assumptions head-on, seeking to undo centuries of damage done to children by the most pervasive and most insidious of religious dogma. This bookpoints the way to healing and greater love through uncompromising emotional honesty.[I]t is essential for counselors and psychotherapists who wish to cultivate their capacity for true empathy.
Robin Grille, psychologist, author of Parenting for a Peaceful World
Alice Millerfollows her former distinguished works with a fascinating inquiry into the dire consequences for adults (physical illness, neurosis, psychosis) of their unacknowledged suffering as children at the hands of their parents. She takes the taboo subject out of the dark where Biblical dogma insists, honor thy father and thy mother and spare the rod and spoil the child, and subjects it to the healing light of recognition and confrontation. The sooner this examination of accepted child-rearing practice becomes common knowledge, the sooner we can repair it to the benefit of children and the society they will create.
Jean Liedloff, author of The Continuum Concept
Dr. Miller writes with astonishing and penetrating truth.
Norm Lee, author of Of Moms and Moses
Also by Alice Miller
The Drama of the Gifted Child:
The Search for the True Self
(originally published as Prisoners of Childhood )
For Your Own Good:
Hidden Cruelty in Child-rearing and the Roots of Violence
Thou Shalt Not Be Aware:
Societys Betrayal of the Child
Pictures of a Childhood:
Sixty-six Watercolors and an Essay
The Untouched Key:
Tracing Childhood Trauma in Creativity and Destructiveness
Banished Knowledge:
Facing Childhood Injuries
Breaking Down the Wall of Silence:
The Liberating Experience of Facing Painful Truth
Paths of Life:
Seven Scenarios
The Truth Will Set You Free:
Overcoming Emotional Blindness
A LICE M ILLER
The Body Never Lies
The Lingering Effects of Hurtful Parenting
Translated from the German by Andrew Jenkins
W. W. Norton & Company
New York London
Copyright 2005 by Alice Miller
All rights reserved
For information about permission to reproduce selections from this book, write to Permissions, W. W. Norton & Company, Inc., 500 Fifth Avenue,
New York, NY 10110
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Miller, Alice.
[Revolte des Krpers. English]
The body never lies: the lingering effects of cruel parenting / Alice Miller; translated from the German by Andrew Jenkins.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references.
1. Child abusePsychological aspects. 2. Family violencePsychological aspects.
3. Discipline of childrenPsychological aspects. 4. ParentingPsychological aspects.
5. Adult child abuse victimsMental health. 6. Abused childrenMental health.
7. AuthorsPsychology. 8. Medicine, Psychosomatic. 9. Parent and child. 10. Cruelty.
I. Title.
RC569.5.C55M55713 2004
616.85'82239dc22
2005004299
ISBN: 978-0-393-07109-2
W. W. Norton & Company, Inc., 500 Fifth Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10110
www.wwnorton.com
W. W. Norton & Company Ltd., Castle House, 75/76 Wells Street, London W1T 3QT
Emotions are not a luxury,
they are a complex aid
in the fight for existence.
A NTONIO R. D AMASIO
Contents
1 Awe of the Parents and Its Tragic Effects
Dostoevsky, Chekhov, Kafka, Nietzsche
2 The Fight for Liberty in the Dramas and the Unheeded Outcry of the Body
Friedrich von Schiller
3 The Betrayal of Memory
Virginia Woolf
4 Self-Hatred and Unfulfilled Love
Arthur Rimbaud
5 The Imprisoned Child and the Necessity of Denying Pain
Yukio Mishima
6 Suffocated by Mothers Love
Marcel Proust
7 A Past Master at Splitting Off Feelings
James Joyce
Preface
T HE CENTRAL ISSUE in all my books is the denial of the sufferings we have undergone in childhood. Each of these books revolves around a particular aspect of this phenomenon and emphasizes one theme more strongly than another. In For Your Own Good and Thou Shalt Not Be Aware , for example, I concentrate on the causes and consequences of this denial. In later works I have explored its impact on the lives of adults and on society (with special reference to art and philosophy in The Untouched Key , and to politics and psychiatry in Breaking Down the Wall of Silence ). As these different aspects cannot be examined in complete isolation, there is invariably a small degree of overlap and repetition. But the attentive reader will readily appreciate that recurring topics appear in a different light depending on the context in which they are addressed and the vantage point from which they are viewed.
One thing that has nothing to do with context, however, is the way in which I employ certain concepts. For example, I use the word unconscious exclusively to refer to repressed, denied, or disassociated content (memories, emotions, needs). For me, a persons unconscious is nothing other than his/her biography, a life story that, although stored in the body in its entirety, is accessible to our consciousness only in a highly fragmentary form. Accordingly, I never use the word truth in a metaphysical sense. The meaning I give it is invariably that of a subjective entity, related to the actual life of the individual concerned. This is why I frequently speak of his or her truth, meaning the true story of the person in question, as evidenced by and reflected in his/her emotions (seep. 38 and pp. 125 and 174). In my terminology, emotion is a more or less unconscious, but at the same time vitally important physical response to internal or external eventssuch things as fear of thunderstorms, rage at having been deceived, or the pleasure that results from a present we really desire. By contrast, the word feeling designates a conscious perception of an emotion. Emotional blindness, then, is usually a (self-) destructive luxury that we indulge in at our cost.