John C. Maxwell - Be a People Person: Effective Leadership Through Effective Relationships

CONTENTS

1. WHAT DRAWS ME TO PEOPLE?
Understanding the qualities you enjoy in others

2. WHAT DRAWS OTHERS TO ME?
Understanding what people like about you and why

3. HOW TO BE CONFIDENT WITH PEOPLE
Learning to feel comfortable with others

4. BECOMING A PERSON PEOPLE WANT TO FOLLOW
Developing the qualities of an effective leader

5. MOTIVATING PEOPLE FOR THEIR BENEFIT
Developing the art of drawing out the best in people

6. HOW TO BE A PERSON PEOPLE RESPECT
Understanding the value of your character

7. YOU CAN BE AN ENCOURAGER
Using your skills to inspire others to excellence

8. LOVING DIFFICULT PEOPLE
Understanding and helping difficult personalities

9. HOW TO BE A PERSON WHO CAN HANDLE CRITICISM
Learning to use confrontation as an opportunity to grow

10. BEING A PERSON PEOPLE TRUST
Building integrity into your relationships

11. DEVELOPING A WINNING TEAM
Learning how to help others become successful

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

This book is dedicated to the three congregations that I have been privileged to pastor.

The Church of Christ in Christian Union

Hillham, Indiana

19691972

Faith Memorial Church

Lancaster, Ohio

19721980

Skyline Wesleyan Church

Lemon Grove, California

19811995

These churches represent thousands of relationships that have molded me as a leader. It is from these experiences that this book has been written. The one truth that rings clearer than any other is

People dont care how much you know

Until they know how much you care.

FOREWORD

One of the most important decisions Ive ever made is to be a people person. Honestly, it wasnt a difficult decision for me. I naturally love people and am attracted to them. But I also have to say, Ive worked at improving my people skills. When I was growing up, I knew that I was going to become a pastor, and that meant that I would be working with people every day of my life.

My father knew this too. He is a pastor. Because he understood the power and importance of being good with people, Dad helped me to start developing those skills while I was just a boy. He coached me. He gave me books to read. And by the time I had graduated from high school, he had taken me to two Dale Carnegie courses to learn how to win friends and influence people.

My father also modeled great people skills to me. What makes that especially impressive is that unlike me, he is not naturally a people person. Where my temperament is very sanguine, his is melancholic. Where I am a natural optimist, his bent is toward pessimism. Yet he has taught himself to be both outgoing and positive. He continues to be an inspiration to me.

If you are a believer in Christ, then you need to be a people person too. Jesus exhorts us to love one another (John 13:43). And the apostle John explains that if we truly love God, then we must love our brothers too (1 John 4:2021).

The good news is that with Gods help, anyone can learn to be a people personregardless of their personality or background. Be a People Person is the first relationship book I ever wrote. It contains eleven key lessons that can help a person to become better at connecting with, relating to, and leading others. Each lesson is taught from a biblical perspective and contains references to Scripture to help you learn more about what the Bible says about the best ways to interact with people.

I trust you will find this book helpful. And may God bless you as you bless others.

John C. Maxwell

2007

CHAPTER 1

WHAT DRAWS ME TO PEOPLE?

Understanding the qualities you enjoy in others

T HE BASIS OF LIFE IS PEOPLE and how they relate to each other. Our success, fulfillment, and happiness depend upon our ability to relate effectively. The best way to become a person that others are drawn to is to develop qualities that we are attracted to in others.

Just as I was preparing this chapter, I received an anonymous card from a member of my congregation. It was especially meaningful because it reflected the importance of warm, rewarding relationships:

When special people touch our lives then suddenly we see how beautiful and wonderful our world can really be. They show us that our special hopes and dreams can take us far by helping us look inward and believe in who we are. They bless us with their love and joy through everything they give. When special people touch our lives they teach us how to live.

Does that reflect the kind of person you are to others? It was a humbling blessing for me to receive such a greeting card. I realized how appropriate it is to this chapter as we consider what qualities we need to develop in our livesthe qualities we enjoy in others.

This poster in a Nordstroms department store once caught my attention: The only difference between stores is the way they treat their customers. Thats a bold statement. Most stores would advertise the quality of their merchandise or their wide selection as what sets them apart from the rest. The difference between Nordstroms and other stores, according to an employee of the competition, is that other stores are organization-oriented; Nordstroms is people-oriented. Their employees are trained to respond quickly and kindly to customer complaints. As a result, according to writer Nancy Austin, Nordstroms doesnt have customers; it has fans.

A study by TARP, Technical Assistance Research Programs, in Washington, D.C., shows that most customers wont complain to management if something goes wrong with the purchase. But TARP found out that, depending on the severity of the problem, an average customer will tell between nine and sixteen friends and acquaintances about his bad experience. Some 13 percent will tell more than 20 people! More than two out of three customers whove received poor service will never buy from that store again and, worse, management will never know why.

Every company is bound to goof now and then, but from the customers perspective, whats important is that the company responds. This is the secret of Nordstroms success. The TARP study also shows that 95 percent of dissatisfied customers will buy from the store again if their problems are solved quickly. Even better, they will each tell eight people about the situations happy conclusion. The trick for managers and salespeople is to give customers ample time to offer feedback on the service they receive.

This chapter certainly isnt about department stores and customer satisfaction, but there are some principles from these reports that should speak to us about our relationships with others:

Are we quick to respond to others needs?

Do we run from problems or face them?

Do we talk more about bad news or good news?

Do we give people the benefit of the doubt, or do we assume the worst?

The Golden Rule

Whats the key to relating to others? Its putting yourself in someone elses place instead of putting them in their place. Christ gave the perfect rule for establishing quality human relationships. We call it the Golden Rule, a name it got sometime around the seventeenth century. Near the end of the Sermon on the Mount, Christ summed up a series of profound thoughts on human conduct by saying, Therefore, treat people the same way you want them to treat you (Matt. 7:12).

In this brief command, Christ taught us a couple of things about developing relationships with others. We need to decide how we want to be treated. Then we need to begin treating others in that manner.