Jennifer L. Scott - Polish Your Poise with Madame Chic: Lessons in Everyday Elegance

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For Ben

Madame Chic, my host mother as a study abroad student in Paris, looked presentable and elegant on a daily basis. It was her default way of being. When she was in the kitchen preparing breakfast in her dressing gown, she had a calm contentedness. Every day, whether at home or in the outside world, she presented herself beautifully, with flattering clothes; natural, age-appropriate makeup; and excellent grooming. She had great posture that seemed to come naturally to her. She was well-spoken and highly intelligent. She cultivated her love of cooking to an art and made our nightly dinners very elegant affairs in everything from how she set her table to how she presented the food. She had a very pleasant demeanor and was an advocate for etiquette and manners, which was evident in the way her entire family behaved. Madame Chic was a beautiful example of a poised and powerful woman.

I had never really thought much about poise before living in Paris. I was a twenty-year-old California girl who loved cutoff shorts, flip-flops, and snacking all day long. Self-discipline seemed like something boring I never wanted to have. Observing formal traditions seemed stuffy. As far as etiquette and manners went, there was just too much to remember! But all of my perceptions changed after living in Paris. Madame Chic helped me see myself in a new way. Observing what a passionate and fulfilling life she and her family led, I became open to the concept of everyday elegance. I allowed myself to believe that even this casual California girl could be graceful. I began to see that I could actually have style and learn to express myself beautifully, whether through speech or action. I learned that I too could have poise.

5 CHARACTERISTICS OF POISE

1. Confidence: Feeling comfortable in your own skin; a genuine self-assurance.

2. Composure: Keeping a positive perspective while maintaining calm self-possession.

3. Compassion: Thinking of others and practicing selflessness.

4. Presentation: Appropriately and stylishly dressed, with good posture.

5. Present: Poised people live passionately in the present moment.

Poise is defined as a graceful and elegant bearing. Madame Chics graceful and elegant bearing certainly laid the foundation for the gracious way she lived, but it was allowing this grace and this elegance to guide every choice she made throughout the day that truly solidified her poise.

Heres the good news: shes not the only Madame Chic in the world. There are millions more. Youve probably seen them. The woman who is stylish, self-assured, grounded, and poised . The woman who presents herself with grace and dignity, speaks elegantly, who lives every day as though it were a special gift. The woman with the air of mystery who cultivates her mind and seeks out the arts. The woman with the lovely home, who is not a slave to shopping. The woman who walks through her day as though she knows a delicious secret.

We are all capable of living with style, grace, and elegance. It doesnt matter what your past was like. It doesnt matter how you grew up. It doesnt matter how you behaved yesterday or even in the last hour. It doesnt matter how much money you have. It doesnt matter what the people in your family live like. It doesnt matter if your circle of friends are not interested in this subject. It doesnt matter if your family doesnt understand you. The only thing that matters is that we are all capable of changeof transformation. No one is born a Madame Chic. Dignity, grace, style, and elegance are all learned behaviors. Anyone can cultivate these attributes. It doesnt matter who you are or how hopeless your situation may seem. You can elevate your life with poise.

Poise has always been a subject of fascination in the entertainment world. Take George Bernard Shaws Pygmalion or the musical adaptation, My Fair Lady . Take Gigi , Pretty Woman , The Princess Diaries , and Sabrina . We love a good transformation story. We love watching the caterpillar turn into the butterfly. Why do we love this story? Because deep down we believe that we are all capable of a beautiful transformation, and that gives us hope. We dont have to say, I wish I could be like that, or Too bad Im just not that way. No. We can be inspired and say, If she can do it, so can I.

There is nothing more powerful than a changed mind. The moment you change your mind and decide youd like to pay more attention to your appearance, you ignite that power. Once you change your mind and decide youd like to conquer shyness; when you decide to turn your smartphone off for a while; when you catch a glimpse of yourself in a store window and decide you want to stop slouching; when you decide youd like to remain levelheaded during disagreements; when you decide youd like to have confidence when presenting your next pitch at work; when you change your mind and decide to clean up your languageamazing things can happen.

A voice in your head will try to stop this transformation. It will make you question yourself: Who do you think you are? You are a phony. You are a fraud. People are going to think youre pretentious. You are going to lose your friends. Everyone is going to think you are stuck-up. No one is going to like you anymore.

Pay no attention to this voice. You have made up your mind to be your own version of Madame Chic. You will stand out with your grace, with your elegance, with your chicness, with your poisefor poise is a very powerful thing, indeed.

Poise is silent. It is intangible. It is under the surface. It is mysterious, but we intuitively know when someone has it. There is something attractive about that person. If you meet a poised person, her confidence and friendliness put you at ease. Being poised is not about being a robotic Stepford wife who looks perfect and acts perfect and doesnt show emotion. Being poised is being aware of oneself and ones surroundings and being flexible and adaptable.

This is not to say that the poised person never gets flustered, or that the poised person never loses her temper. This is not to say that the poised person never steps out of line. But the poised person is self-aware. She is driven by faith, inner peace, and high standards. These are the tools she uses to get through any situation in life.

This book discusses cultivating poise rather than attaining or acquiring it. This is because poise is something that one works toward for the rest of ones life. Poise isnt something you can simply acquire like an item you buy in a shop and then never think about again. Weve all heard that expression money cant buy class. Poise, also known as class, is not something you can acquire. Its something you practice on a daily basis. Poise as a way of life is an art form. Just as an artist strives to perfect her art throughout her life, we will work on our poise.