Post Anna - Emily Posts Manners in a Digital World: How to Live Online with Grace and Poise

The Emily Post Institute is both a five-generation family business and, truly, a team affair. This book is possible due to the invaluable support and input of the entire team. It is with deep appreciation that I thank the following people for their contributions.

Peter and Tricia Post for their patient guidance and editorial assistance through all the phases of producing this book.

Jeanne Martinet for her editorial expertise as well as her good humor.

Gabrielle Dunn for applying her keen eye to the technical details of the new frontier covered in this book.

Anna Post and Elizabeth Howell for their willingness to get down in the trenches and play a critical role in finding the etiquette advice that is the beating heart of this book.

Katherine Cowles, my book agent, for guiding me through the development of the first e-book tackled at the Emily Post Institute.

All the friends and family who contributed stories and thoughtful perspectives to the topic. I hear their unique voices in every page of this book.

And finally my mother, Cindy Post Senning, whose influence is quite simply the foundation of this work.

Over the last several years, Ive had the opportunity to watch my cousin Dan delve into all things technology. For a year, he spent a few hours a day with headphones on, watching Joomla tutorials to learn how to build us a new website. He then single-handedly built that site, complete with all the bells and whistles it needs to support the 150,000-plus unique visitors who drop by each month looking for answers to their etiquette questions. And the site is ever-evolving; Ill never forget the look of satisfaction on his face the day he worked the bugs out of the mobile version of our website. Web ads, analytics, e-newslettersDans digital fingerprints are all over the online world of Emily Post.

Whats even more impressive, at least to me, is his baby, The Etiquette Daily. EtiquetteDaily.com is a WordPress blog we started several years ago. Before then, we let visitors to our website ask us their burning etiquette questions over e-mailwe even made it easy with a big Ask Us a Question button. And ask they did, to the tune of hundreds of questions each month. This Dear Abbytype service was costing us quite a pretty penny, as we had to pay Emilys Army, a stalwart group of freelance writers we had trained to answer these questions. In addition, the e-mail response process was technically cumbersome to manage. Leading a team, Dan built The Etiquette Daily from the ground up in responseno more ask us button. Instead, we post one question and answer a day. But its the comments and the open threads that really give it life. The community that has sprung up on the site is vibrant, and is growing by leaps and bounds even as I type this.

But it wasnt just our advice that brought them back (great though it is). Dan worked hard to foster that community, engaging with new commenters, defusing spats, and investing die-hard users with community moderator status. This more than anything tells me that he gets at a deep level how vital the human factor behind technology is.

Its funny, because Dan lives in a cabin on the side of a mountain. The kind you have to cross a footbridge to get to. The kind that doesnt get cell reception. So I guess in a way its no surprise that the Internet is his lifeline there when he isnt hanging with friends by a bonfire or going for hikes with his dog, Magpie. Dan is a fan of the phrase early adopter and is constantly looking toward the next new thing. From using new apps to give him a leg up with his fantasy football team to being first in line when the iPad hit the market, he is always a step ahead.

So it makes a lot of sense to me that he would write this book. As a tech-savvy early adopter, hes the perfect candidate to blaze a trail for the Emily Post Institute into the world of e-books. That said, tech savvy isnt enough. Its all well and good to know your way around code, but to talk about the influence technology has on relationships requires other skills, skills Dan has been building by teaching business etiquette seminars for all kinds of industries around the country. Technology and how it affects business relationships takes the cake for the topic most requested by our seminar clients, so its a subject hes gotten very good at articulating to a variety of audiences. Dan also gained experience framing etiquette questions while writing and editing as one of my coauthors on Emily Posts Etiquette, 18th edition. But for his first solo flight, a focused look at technology and how it helps and hinders our relationships couldnt be a more perfect topic.

Its a subject near and dear to my own heart. Ive worked with Intel since 2009, talking with media about how mobile devices are affecting our relationships. Its been fascinating following the survey data over the yearsmost notably an interesting correlation between how often people wish others had better digital manners and how often they admit to using bad ones themselves. Contradictory? Sort of. It tells me were still at a point of change. Were still figuring out which digital manners we need, and learning the consequences of living without them. This etiquette anarchy wont go on forever, though, and its books like this one, with advice from someone as uniquely positioned as Dan, that will help firm up the shifting sands beneath our feetjust in time for us to put our heads (and hard drives) in the Cloud.

Anna Post

Burlington, Vermont

July 2012

No medium since the telephone has so radically redefined human communication as the Internet has. Every new communication technology that comes along has to be absorbed by societyand each generates some friction as we find its place in our lives. Just as questions were raised about answering the telephone during dinner decades ago, so too is texting at the table under the microscope now. As new communication platforms and devices continue to launch, this book will help people figure out how to use them to impact their relationships positively. Manners in a Digital World is for technophiles and technophobes alike; its for anyone who wants to navigate todays communication environment with emotional intelligence. Protecting and fostering relationships will be our overarching goal. After all, the whole purpose behind social media and smart, new mobile devices is to connect us to the people we areor want to bein relationships with. Business contacts, significant others, friends, and family: how we interact with them through these networks and digital devices matters.

To write about digital media is to take aim at a moving target. Our media and communication environment is changing faster and more dramatically than at any other time in our history. At the same time, how people use that technology to connect and interact with others stems naturally from their offline relationshipsat least, it should. When it comes to the people factor, we arent reinventing the wheel. No matter the device or network in question, it is the human relationships behind it that should ultimately be served by communication tools, both new and old.