Lauren Handel Zander - Maybe It’s You: Cut the Crap. Face Your Fears. Love Your Life.

Man, in his blindness, is quite satisfied with himself, but heartily dislikes the circumstances and situations of his life. He feels this way, not knowing that the cause of his displeasure lies not in the condition nor the person with whom he is displeased, but in the very self he likes so much. Not realizing that he surrounds himself with the true image of himself and that what he is, that only can he see, he is shocked when he discovers that it has always been his own deceitfulness that made him suspicious of others

Neville Goddard

Heres the truth about me.

I get in my own way. Chances are, unless you are an enlightened master, you also have blind spots, areas of your life that just dont workrelationships, work situations, your health, finances, your family, etc. How do you deal with them?

If you are like me, you often can see them clearly (or not sometimes!). You find yourself stuck in the same situation over and over again, creating upset and unhappiness. It could be your way of thinking that gets you into trouble, or past traumas and stress, or childhood patterns.

Whatever it is, you have two choices. Live with it and continue to be unhappy, or take a good serious look at yourself in the mirror. The key word here is mirror. We cant see our blemishes until we have a mirror to reflect them. You can struggle on your own, but the best thing I have ever done is work with Lauren Handel Zander. She is a coach, but far more than that, she understands the human conditionthe mental, emotional, and spiritual operating systems that make us who we are.

And she sees how those operating systems get corrupted and mess up our lives, separating us from what we really want, or worse, preventing us from even dreaming of what we want. Lauren and her team have developed The Handel Method, which is a process for debugging your operating system and cleaning up the areas of your beliefs, attitudes, and behaviors that get in the way of your one precious, authentic life. It is a hard process, but it is filled with humor and skillfulness that gets you to laugh at yourself and see the ridiculousness of those beliefs, attitudes, and behaviors that keep you stuck.

I often refer my patients to a coach because they are stuckeven though they know what to do, they just cant do it. In fact, working with Lauren has helped me more than any other thing I have done to learn to communicate, to focus on what is important, to stop worrying and start acting in a way that leads to happiness rather than frustration and stress. Its like a chiropractic adjustment for my mind! Even when it is a little painful and uncomfortable, it hurts good. Like a tight knot in your muscle that needs working out.

Therapy can be helpful, but life coaching is different. For me, it works faster, and is much more focused on change than simply talking. I want someone to get me to stop talking about my problems, and instead to see them in a new light and shift things. It helps me act with integrity, wisdom, clarity, and compassion in everything I dotoward others, but especially toward myself. But I didnt go easily into the process. I resisted it until the suffering was just too much. I hope you dont wait that long!

I first met Lauren Zander at a business meeting in New York. A mutual friend thought we should work together. We shared a cab ride downtown, and very quickly she homed in on the areas of my life that were my biggest challenges, including my marriage and some areas of my career. For the next six months, she gently reached out to me to offer her help. I ran in the other direction, knowing that if I accepted her assistance, I would then have to actually face the areas of my life that were out of integrity. That, in short, I would have to meet the obstacle to an integrated, happy life: me!

The truth was that I didnt want to face the truth. It would mean change, changes in my relationship and work that I didnt want to address. I was caught in a story about my life that took me away from and not toward what mattered to me, and I couldnt actually see it myself. Despite successes in many areas of my lifemy kids, my mission and passion in life, my health, my friendshipsthere were areas of disarray and pain, areas where I kept repeating the same pattern over and over again.

Then when my marriage finally fell apart, I took a deep breathready to face what I had not been willing to faceand called Lauren. She drove up and spent a day with me unpacking my life, my beliefs, and the areas of my life that were not thriving. Lauren is an emotional savant. She quickly understood the thinking that was in the way of my happiness and stopping me from achieving my dreams, both personal and professional. For the past five years Lauren has helped me get out of my own way and face difficult challenges with humor and wisdom. She has also supported me in finding peace and happiness, not by avoiding the areas of my life that werent working but by digging in and fixing them. Recently I had dinner with a friend I hadnt seen in two years. She said that I seemed different, more grounded, centered, happy, and peaceful. And a very big part of that transformation was Laurens coaching that helped me create a life that is integrated and connected to the truth.

One night a few years ago at a family dinner, her then nine-year-old daughter, Kiya, sat right down next to me and said, Who are you and what do you do? Straightforward, honest, but surprising for a little kid. I said, Well, I help people get to the root of their problems, and why they are suffering. Without skipping a beat she said, Oh, thats what my mother does.

If you want to get to the root of where your life doesnt rock, or where you feel stuck, or where you are not telling the truth (to yourself or others), then this book is your road map to happiness. More importantly, its your road map to your own mind, heart, and soul.