PRAISE FOR STEVEN JAY FOGELS PREVIOUS BOOKS
Wise advice, clearly presented, on how to lead a more fulfilling life.
Helen Astin, PhD, and Alexander Astin, PhD, psychologists and Distinguished Professors Emeriti, UCLA Graduate School of Education and Information Studies
In our most private moments, we all see the patterns in our lives that hold us back. But what we dont see clearly is how they were set in motion or how to go about changing things. Fogel lays out a blueprint for botha map with easy-to-follow exercises designed to reset faulty writing and create the potential to live healthier, more accepting, and more loving lives.
Connell Cowan, PhD, coauthor of Smart Women/Foolish Choices
How can you choose from the flurry of self-help books that attempt to help us navigate through our rapidly changing times? The beauty of Your Mind Is What Your Brain Does for a Living resides in its comprehensive appreciation of how we can control the timeless unconscious patterns of our childhoods right up to how the current contributions of the neurosciences can help us live more peacefully in the present.
Fred M. Sander, MD, Clinical Associate Professor, Department of Psychiatry, Weill Cornell Medical College, and author of Individual and Family Therapy
Among the many wise messages in Your Mind Is What Your Brain Does for a Living is that in order to nurture those you love, you must first nurture yourself. To learn how best to do that, turn to page 1 and keep reading.
Ann Pleshette Murphy, parenting educator and author of The 7 Stages of Motherhood
Your Mind Is What Your Brain Does for a Living serves as a practical bridge between understanding oneself and making the necessary changes for a more meaningful life. As a psychiatrist, I can say that it does so by providing building blocks for constructive self-awareness in a most accessible and organized fashion.
Diane Weiss, MD
Your Mind Is What Your Brain Does for a Living shows the reader how to live a successful and balanced life full of purpose. I am impressed that Fogels positive and educated messaging will help many find their own roads to success.
Tom Gores, Founder, Chairman, and CEO, Platinum Equity, LLC
Your Mind Is What Your Brain Does for a Living presents any reader the direction and tools to climb out of the trap that keeps one from achieving a more fulfilling, transformative, and creative life.
Roland A. Frauchiger, MA, MFT
My Mind Is Not Always My Friend is a game changer. Fogels insights will improve your life.
Gray Davis, former Governor of California
My Mind Is Not Always My Friend is both interesting and educational. It is a fast read and a profitable experience.
Rabbi Isaiah Zeldin
Insights for a Happier Life
Shortcuts for Creating Positive Changes One Moment at a Time
Steven Jay Fogel
Copyright 2015 by Steven Jay Fogel
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, write to the publisher, addressed Attention: Permissions Coordinator, at the address below.
Fresh River Press
www.freshriverpress.com
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Printed in the United States of America
ISBN: 978-0-9845525-4-2
First Edition
19 18 17 16 15 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
CONTENTS
PREFACE
W hy do situations and people upset us again and again? Why is our self-esteem fine one moment and in the next we are filled with feelings of inadequacy? What can we do to decrease frustration and stress? How can we create better relationships and experience more joy and fulfillment in our lives?
For the past three decades, my primary focus has been seeking answers to these questions, applying what I discovered, and sharing it with others.
In my first book, The Yes-I-Can Guide to Mastering Real Estate (Random House), I focused on teaching how to create wealth through real estate investment. I was gratified by the response I received from readers who felt it gave them the information they needed about successful investment in real estate, but I felt I had more to offer to help people achieve their goals, both personal and professional. Over the years I mentored many people, and the common thread I found was that I was helping them overcome emotional barriers to taking action so they could accomplish what they want out of life.
I wanted to share the lessons I learned about the psychology of achieving goals and also the biggest lesson I learned: that genuine success isnt just financial; its learning to create a fulfilling life for ourselves. This led to my writing My Mind Is Not Always My Friend: A Guide for How to Not Get in Your Own Way (Fresh River, 2010) and Your Mind Is What Your Brain Does for a Living: Learn How to Make It Work for You (Greenleaf Press, 2013), both coauthored with Mark Bruce Rosin, and now to my writing this book, Insights for a Happier LifeOne Moment at a Time.
The phrase one moment at a time is vital to the insights Im sharing because, as Ive learned and as youll see throughout this book, we create our lives one moment at a time, and every moment gives us an opportunity to create a new life experience.
We are reaction machines; we dont always have a choice about what happens to us, but we do have a choice about how we will react to it. No matter how we have reacted in the past, each new moment provides us the chance to let go of our old past-based thinking and react in new, more productive ways.
If we continue to think, act, and react in the same ways we always have, we will continue to feel exactly as we always have. But it doesnt have to be like thatwe can learn to change. This is the subject of this book. Its based on my most popular blogs, especially those that people have found the most helpful, and my goal is for each chapter to offer insights that you can apply moment to moment and long term in order to support you in reducing stress and frustration and experiencing greater happiness.
Part I
MINDFUL MESSAGES ABOUT PERSONAL GROWTH
1
THE STORY OF ADAM AND EVE: A METAPHOR FOR ILLUMINATING THE WAY OUR MINDS WORK
T he story of Adam and Eve is a great metaphor that can help us understand how our minds work.
When Adam and Eve lived in the Garden of Eden, they lived in a state of pure being, experiencing complete harmony without worry, fear, or the need to protect themselves or strategize for their survival. They were always in the now, the present, and would have stayed in that state for eternity were it not for the serpents tempting them to disobey God by eating the forbidden fruit of knowledge.
As a result of eating the forbidden fruit, Adam and Eve were thrust out of Eden and became the first mortals. With