Kashdan Todd - The power of negative emotion : how anger, guilt, and self doubt are essential to success and fulfillment

With verve, humour, solid research, and lots of examples, the authors cut through prevailing myths about happiness to show what actually creates a fulfilling, contributing life. Brave, bold, and brilliant.

Rick Hanson, author of Buddhas Brain

At long last, heres a book on why happiness can make us sad and mindfulness might be overrated. If you havent read it yet, you should feel guilty and it turns out that will be good for you.

Adam Grant, author of Give and Take

Full of scientific research yet laugh-out-loud funny, this book is a must read. The authors turn everything on its head questioning the wisdom of positive psychology and the pursuit of happiness all in order to help us flourish and be happy!

Kristin Neff, author of Self-Compassion

I feel like I have five new superpowers after reading this book. The dark side does indeed have an upside and this book teaches us how to harness it, so we can truly lead more heroic and purposeful lives.

Jane McGonigal, author of Reality Is Broken

Todd Kashdan is a recognized authority on personality, well-being and social relationships. He has published more than 150 scholarly articles and trains professionals to become emotionally and socially agile. He has been honored with the Faculty Member of the Year at George Mason University and the 2013 Distinguished Scientific Early Career Award from the American Psychological Association. His work has been featured in several media outlets, including the New York Times and the Washington Post.

Robert Biswas-Diener is a world expert on positive psychology. He has published more than 40 scholarly articles, has trained thousands of professionals on six continents, and sits on the editorial boards of the Journal of Happiness Studies and the Journal of Positive Psychology.

How Anger, Guilt and Self
Doubt are Essential to Success
and Fulfillment

Todd Kashdan

Robert Biswas-Diener

A Oneworld book

This ebook edition published by Oneworld Publications, 2015

First published in Great Britain and the Commonwealth by
Oneworld Publications, 2015

First published in the US by Hudson Street Press, a member of
Penguin Group (USA) LLC, 2014

Copyright 2014 by Todd Kashdan and Robert Biswas-Diener

The moral right of Todd Kashdan and Robert Biswas-Diener to
be identified as the Authors of this work has been asserted by
them in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and
Patents Act 1988

All rights reserved
Copyright under Berne Convention
A CIP record for this title is available from the British Library

ISBN 978-1-78074-660-9
eISBN 978-1-78074-661-6

Designed by Eve L. Kirch

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P ERHAPS THE MOST difficult test commonly used for recruiting elite special forces soldiers has nothing to do with marksmanship or proficiency in hand-to-hand combat. Its a simple jog down a remote road. Young men are instructed to don full gear and report to the starting point early in the morning, often sleep deprived and hungry. What makes this particular run unusually challenging is that none of the candidates are told the length of the course. Is it three hundred yards? Three miles? Thirty miles?

The stakes are high as the recruits begin their jog into the unknown. Some sprint forward in hopes of being first if the run is short. Others pace themselves, carefully conserving energy in the thought that the run could turn out to be a marathon. Some keep to themselves, trusting in their resolve and determination. Others jog together as a group, shouting words of encouragement. Running with sixty-pound packs is tiring, but the physical exertion is less demanding than the mental strain. The pressure of not knowing the distance to the finish line pushes many to the breaking point.

Ambiguous tasks are a good place to observe how personality traits bubble to the surface. Although few of us are elite soldiers, weve all experienced the kind of psychological distress these trainees encounter on their training run: managing unclear expectations, struggling with self-motivation, and balancing the use of social support with private reflection. These issues are endemic not only to the workplace, but also to relationships, health, and every aspect of life in which we seek to thrive and succeed. Not surprisingly, the leading predictor of success in elite military training programs is the same quality that distinguishes those best equipped to resolve marital conflict, to achieve favorable deal terms in business negotiations, and to bestow the gifts of good parenting on their children: the ability to tolerate psychological discomfort.

it does have the side effect of making us happier. We call this state wholeness.

Beyond Happiness, Becoming Whole

turn into the kind of overwhelming rage that leads to violence. Instead, it tends to bubble up when you perceive an encroachment on your rights as a person. Anger stirs you to defend yourself and those you care about, and to maintain healthy boundaries. Similarly, embarrassment is sometimes an early warning sign of humiliation. More often its a signal that weve made a small mistake and that a small correction is required. Even guilt is not as awful as you might guess. Its a signal that youre violating your own moral code and therefore need to adjust either your actions or your code.

All psychological states have some adaptive advantage. Rather than steering you toward a single feeling state, then, we urge you to consider the usefulness of manyespecially the ones we turn away fromand to develop the ability to navigate every one. For some people, seeing the bright side of life is an uphill battle; for others, feeling sad is an unusual event. We dont suggest an extra helping of happiness or a dash those folks who are comfortable with being both positive and negative, and can therefore draw from the full range of human emotionsare the healthiest and, often, the most successful.

Wholeness does not come easily, however. We get comfortable with pursuing a certain set of emotions. They make us feel good. Riding high in the moment is hard to pass upthink of a perfect kiss when your lips meld into the moistness of your partners, or of hearing the cheers of fellow employees when your name is announced for having won an award. Other emotions, like anger and guilt, are so painful that we avoid or suppress them. It turns out that the uncertainty, frustration, and occasional dash of guilt that stem from broken hearts, missed goals in the penalty shootout, and botched interviews are the seeds of growth in knowledge and maturity. These often unwanted, negative experiences end up shaping some of the most memorable and inspiring experiences of our lives. By learning to embrace and use negative emotions as well as positive ones, we position ourselves for success.

Two Authors, One Quest

So who are we, the authors in whom you have chosen to invest your time and entrust your confidence? Both of us entered the field of positive psychology more than a decade ago, when this new scientific movement was just finding its legs. We were drawn to the promise of a fresh discipline with a new way of tackling old issues. In a discipline dominated by anxiety and depression research, we found the focus of positive psychology refreshing.