Chapman - Anger: Taming a Powerful Emotion

1999, 2007, 2015 by
GARY D. CHAPMAN

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Edited by Elizabeth Cody Newenhuyse
Cover and interior design: Erik M. Peterson
Cover photo of flag copyright 2007 by ROMAOSLO/iStock. All rights reserved.
Author photo: P.S. Photography

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Chapman, Gary D.,
[Other side of love]
Anger : taming a powerful emotion / Gary D Chapman.
pages cm
Summary: A relative makes a tactless comment about your childs weight. The guy behind you on the expressway follows too closely. Your spouse lets the gas tank go down to empty again. Getting angry is easy. Daily irritations, frustrations, and pain poke at us. Feelings of disappointment, hurt, rejection, and embarrassment prod in us. And once the unwieldy cluster of emotions of anger are aroused, our thoughts and actions can feel out of control and impossible to manage. Dr. Gary Chapman, #1 New York Times bestselling author of The 5 Love Languages
Rev. ed. of: The other side of love, 1999.
Includes bibliographical references.
ISBN 978-0-8024-1314-7 (paperback)
1. AngerReligious aspectsChristianity. I. Title.
BV4627.A5C48 2015
241.3dc23

2015003647

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To those individuals who over the years have shared with me their personal struggles with anger and in so doing forced me to search for answers to the troublesome experience of anger

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For a brief overview of each chapter, turn to these Quick Takes.

A nger is everywhere. Spouses are angry at each other. Employees are angry at bosses. Teens are angry at parents (and vice versa). Citizens are angry at their government. Television news routinely shows angry demonstrators shouting their wrath or the weeping mother of a teen gunned down in an angry quarrel. Spend some time around a major airport when bad weather has canceled flights, and you will observe anger in action.

Many of us are angry at ourselves. Sometimes we are angry and think we shouldnt feel that way. Or we observe our children expressing anger inappropriately and wonder how to teach them to deal with their anger.

Clearly, many of us have issues with anger. In addition, Christians are often confused about this powerful and complex emotion. For those who follow Christ, is there ever an appropriate expression of anger? What does the Bible say? Can anger ever be a good thing?

If, in searching for answers to these questions, you go online and type anger into a search engine, you will find an overwhelming amount of information. Yet most of what has been written does not deal with two fundamental questions: What is the origin of anger, and what is the purpose of anger? Why do men and women experience the emotion of anger? Understanding the origin of anger is essential to understanding the purpose of anger, and understanding the purpose of anger is essential to learning how to process anger in a constructive manner.

The few books and articles that do raise the question of origins tend to see anger as a survival technique in humans early evolutionary development. Anger is natures way of preparing humans to respond in times of danger. As one who holds undergraduate and graduate degrees in the field of anthropology, I believe this view is woefully inadequate. In the first place, it ignores the Christian worldview; and secondly, even if one accepts a naturalistic worldview, it does not adequately explain the psychological aspects of anger.

Much of the confusion among Christians about the emotion of anger flows from a misunderstanding of the origin of anger. Christian literature on anger has tended to focus on controlling itwithout an adequate understanding of the source of anger. But I am convinced that our efforts at controlling anger will be much more effective if we have a clearer understanding of the source of anger.

So where does anger come from? What is its origin? The answer, which may surprise you, is found in .

I have counseled couples and families for many years now. I have worked with hundreds of families dealing with multiple family problems. In almost all cases, these families or couples have struggled with processing anger. When adults know how to deal with their own anger in healthy, positive ways, they not only create a more secure environment for the family; they also have greater potential for teaching their children how to process anger. Equally important, they are able to build a productive work environment, engaging effectively with their coworkers. When adults have not learned to process their anger, marital and family turmoil usually results, sometimes spilling over at work or other settings.

Where do we go to learn to process anger? For many of us, the answer is the counselors office. Unfortunately, most people do not go for counseling until their mismanagement of anger has gotten them into serious trouble. Thousands of others who are already in serious trouble never go for counseling at all.