Maltz Wendy - Private thoughts : exploring the power of womens sexual fantasies

Private Thoughts

Praise for Private Thoughts

Oh yes! How we need these wonderful, lively, erotic fantasies! Private Thoughts encourages us to know ourselves, deeply and passionately. In a world full of advertising and media images of sex, its refreshing, revitalizing, and empowering to hear real women talk about their discoveries and pleasures.

Ellen Bass, coauthor of The Courage to Heal

Fascinating, reassuring, empowering! Maltz and Boss lead us toward sexual self-acceptance by showing us the infinite variety in women's sexual fantasies, as well as steps we can take when our fantasies trouble us.

Carol Rinkleib Ellison, Ph.D., author of Womens Sexualities: Generations of Women Share Intimate Secrets of Sexual Self-Acceptance

At last, a wonderful and important book that reveals the full power of womens sexual imagination.... I will recommend it widely.

Gina Ogden, Ph.D., author of Women Who Love Sex

ALSO BY WENDY MALTZ

Incest and Sexuality

The Sexual Healing Journey

Passionate Hearts

Intimate Kisses

The Porn Trap: The Essential Guide to Overcoming Problems Caused by Pornography (with Larry Maltz)

Private Thoughts

Exploring
the Power of
Womens
Sexual Fantasies

WENDY MALTZ & SUZIE BOSS

FOREWORD BY BEVERLY WHIPPLE

This book was previously published by Broadway Books under the title In the Garden of Desire: Womens Sexual Fantasies as a Gateway to Passion and Pleasure

Copyright 1997, 2001 by Wendy Maltz and Suzie Boss

Cover design: David Friedman / FriedMedia

Cover image: Romeo and Juliet, 1870
Ford Madox Brown (1821-1893)
Oil on canvas
53 3/8 x 37 in. (135.6 x 94 cm)
Delaware Art Museum, Samuel and Mary R. Bancroft Memorial, 1935

All rights reserved. This book may not be reproduced in whole or in part, or transmitted in any form, without written permission from the publisher, except by a reviewer, who may quote brief passages in a review; nor may any part of this book be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or other, without written permission of the publisher.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Maltz, Wendy.

Private thoughts : exploring the power of womens sexual fantasies / Wendy Maltz & Suzie Boss ; foreword by Beverly Whipple.

p. cm.

Rev. ed, of: In the garden of desire, c1997.

Includes bibliographical references and index.

ISBN 1-4196-9070-1 (alk. paper)

1. WomenSexual behavior. 2. Sexual fantasies. I. Boss, Suzie. II. Maltz, Wendy. In the garden of desire. III. Title.

HQ29.M36 2000

306.7'082dc

00-065382

ISBN 1-57731-146-9

First printing, January 2001

Printed in Canada on Recycled Paper

Distributed to the trade by Publishers Group West

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

To the women who shared their stories

Contents

This book began as a fantasy. We are indebted to the many people who have helped to make it a reality. Although we cant begin to name them all, we wish to single out a few for special thanks.

Literary agent Felicia Eth recognized the importance of this book when it was an early idea. She was instrumental in helping us find our focus and wisely encouraged us to tackle the intimate issues that affect womens lives. We wish to thank our original editor, Janet Goldstein, and our current editor, Jason Gardner, for their enthusiasm, publishing expertise, and active support.

Many clinicians, therapists, and educators generously shared their time, knowledge, and personal curiosity to help us ask the right questions and broaden our understanding of fantasy. We owe thanks to Lonnie Barbach, B. H. Barkley Jr., Karla Baur, Stephanie Covington, Gayle Delaney, Diane DeSylvia, Clyde Ford, Lori Galperin, Steven Gold, Toni Cavanagh Johnson, Carol Koenig, JoAnn Loulan, Sharon McIntosh, Eva Norvind, Julie Rosenzweig, B. J. Seymour, Bee Sholes, and Mary Widoff.

Many friends and colleagues in the writing community contributed enthusiasm and ideas to this project. In particular, we are grateful to Jo Robinson, Lauren Kessler, Laura Davis, Cathy Van Horn, and Elizabeth Claman, whose critiques helped us improve the manuscript. Sincere thanks, also, to Diana Russell, Geraldine Kudaka, Stella Cameron, Marilyn Sewell, and Hank Estrada, who helped us explore cultural and social influences on womens sexuality.

Members of several organizations were helpful in our research, including AASECT (American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists), VOICES (Victims of Incest Can Emerge Survivors), and SIECUS (Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States). Thanks, also, to the staff of The Healing Woman newsletter.

Our families buoyed our spirits and kept us going with their encouragement and support. From Wendy, a special thanks to my husband, Larry, who nurtured this project with a continuing supply of personal and professional wisdom. Your love is the wind beneath my wings. Thanks, also, to family members Sara Allman, Bill Becker, and Suzanne Jennings for your time, expertise, and creativity. I am also especially grateful to my children, Jules and Cara, who respected my busy work schedule and kept me grounded in the reality of everyday living.

From Suzie, special thanks to my husband, Bruce Rubin, who has been a smart reader and a great listener. To my mother, Trudy Boss, thanks for your unwavering encouragement. To my sons, Danny and Jay, thanks for your patience while I monopolized the phone and stayed up too late.

Finally, our deep gratitude to the many women and men who shared their most personal stories with us in workshops, questionnaires, discussion groups, and interviews (and who will go unnamed to protect their privacy). Your contributions not only made this book possible, but expanded the scope of knowledge about a subject that touches all of our lives.

In this wonderful book, two unique women, Wendy Maltz and Suzie Boss, combine their talents as sex therapist and writer to explore womens sexual fantasies. Private Thoughts provides validation for millions of women who may worry and wonder if they are normal, if they are the only ones who experience sexual fantasies, and if their fantasies could enhance or improve their sexual lives. The book is filled with stories shared by the more than one hundred women they personally interviewed.

Private Thoughts provides more than just these womens fantasies, however. It combines new research with the advice of a seasoned sex therapist. The result is an exciting contribution to the field of sexuality. Drawing insights from Wendys research and advice from her clinical experience as a sex therapist, the book gently guides women to explore their own fantasy style and to recognize the origins of their fantasies. It gives women permission to enjoy their fantasies while also helping them to recognize how some fantasies may be masking emotional pain, which could be detrimental to them and to their relationships.

In the field of sex therapy, Wendy is well-known for her work in understanding and promoting healthy sexuality. Its no surprise, then, that this book takes a deeper look at sexual fantasy, going beyond erotic storytelling to explore womens inner sexual experiences.