Wagner - Backbone : the modern mans ultimate guide to purpose, passion, and power

BACKBONE

THE MODERN MANS ULTIMATE GUIDE
TO PURPOSE, PASSION, AND POWER

DAVID H WAGNER

O ver the past several decades theres been a self-help revolution, but men have not been included in it. Its not that weve been excluded, its just that, by and large, weve opted out. The women in our lives have gone into therapy and yoga, and have bought the relationship and spirituality books. But we, for the most part, have left the personal-transformation stuff up to them. Some of us in desperate situations have gone into therapy. Some of us have even made it to the yoga rooms and self-help retreats. But most of us have stayed at home. When we have been adventurous, or when weve been dragged to the yoga or meditation class or personal-development workshops, we found ourselves outnumbered, surrounded by women. Up until now, the self-help, New Age, personal-transformation world has been a feminine realm.

Its not that we dont need help. These days many men are suffering a kind of quiet, desperate, lost-ness. As a group, were not doing so well on an inner level. We may be able to make decent money, take care of our responsibilities, stay out of trouble, and keep the appearance of holding it together. But, on the whole, most of us arent happy. Or at least you could say were not deeply happy. Too many men today would say that they dont feel truly powerful or truly free at least not as powerful and free as theyd like to be.

Even if men are powerful professionally, too often they are impotent in other areas. Many men dont know how to stand up for themselves in relationships. Were not sure how to deal with our dark emotions or our sexuality. Most of us cant relate deeply with other men. We dont know whats really important to us. We lack deep purpose. We lack passion. As a group, we dont have depth and power. In short, we lack backbone. And without backbone, we have a hard time making our way in this ever-demanding, ever-changing world.

If you are like the many men I have worked with, this may be speaking to you on some level. Before we move on, I want to ask some questions so you can start to look at this for yourself right here from the get-go. Be honest in your answers.

How happy are you?

How satisfied are you with your life?

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your relationships?

What about your work life or career?

How is your physical health?

What about your spirituality?

Do you find that youre growing as a man, as a human being? Or are you stagnant? Is there a part of you that senses that theres more to life, more to being alive, than youre currently experiencing?

If this little exam shows you that theres some room for improvement, youre not alone. Human life is a funny thing: it can be great or terrible, depending on how we do it. Few of us are able just to wing it and really get the very most out of life. Most men need to do some adjusting, some self-work. We need training. This book is going to get you moving on that training path. It is designed to open a conversation that you have with yourself and the other men in your life a conversation thats going to change the way you relate and contribute to your world.

The ideas that Im sharing in this book come from my own journey as a man, my own journey of finding my backbone and learning how to live with it at the center of my life. My intention is to help you become your version of a deeply happy, powerful man not my version or anyone elses version. I had to learn many of these lessons the hard way and I have watched countless other men try to slog through the shit without having this kind of guide. My aim is to help all men so that we can embrace our lives, celebrate our manhood, and revel in the best parts of a mans life. Being a man can be an awesome thing.

The Maori people of New Zealand have a great word: mana. Mana refers to the core potency of a man. It is his prestige, authority, self-control, power, influence, status, spiritual mojo, charisma, freedom, and ability to handle his life in a powerful way. We dont have a word like this in the Western world. But this is what we are after.

What does it mean to be a deeply happy, powerful man? Few men today even ask themselves that question. Because they dont want to ask that question, they wind up settling for just being a guy the half-baked, two-dimensional version of a man. Its easy to be a guy. All you have to do is be male and reach adulthood. Theres no initiation, theres no training required. Youre just a guy and not much is expected of you. Stay out of trouble. Dont be a dick. Pay your bills.

If you want to graduate out of guydom and enter a powerful and happy manhood, it takes some work. To be a fully alive, free-thinking, powerful man of vision takes honing, training, reflection, personal development, and a good dose of brutal honesty. Thats what were going to do with you as you go through this book. Theres a deeply happy, powerful man and a mediocre two-dimensional guy in each of us. We have to decide which one we want to invest in.

In this book were going to look at what it means for you to have backbone. When I say backbone, Im speaking of a mans conscious masculine core strength. Its about knowing yourself deeply, about honing yourself, enhancing your core strengths and reducing your core weaknesses. Its about knowing where you want to go in your life and knowing how to be the man you need to be to get there. Every one of us has a backbone. Its not a matter of growing one its about finding it. Its about deeply examining ourselves, investing in our core selves, and choosing the kind of man we want to be. This book is a guide to help you learn to be a deeply happy, truly powerful, purpose-driven, passionate man.

When a man has backbone he knows what he stands for and what he wont stand for. A man with backbone lives from a place of bigness instead of pettiness and smallness. A man with backbone has learned to master his masculine energies and take charge of his life. He knows who he is, he knows what hes here for, and he spends his time on his mission in life. A man with backbone is fearless, robust, loving, wise, steady, fun-loving, and ready to protect and serve the world in which he lives. A man with backbone fully enjoys all that life has to offer, while taking care of his world in a most excellent way not because someone else gave him a high standard, or because hes in competition to be a winner, but because he is operating from a place where he knows what is true for him and he is living that truth.

A man with backbone is fearless, robust, loving, wise, steady, fun-loving, and ready to protect and serve the world in which he lives.

In earlier times, there wasnt such a need for a book like this. Good fathers would teach their sons what it meant to be a man. The dads and other older men took it upon themselves to mentor the young men of their community and teach the boys what they needed to know about honor, power, sex, and the natural world. In those days, boys worked side by side with their dads and learned through observation what it was to be masculine. And it was crucial that men had strength: most men in the past were required to do hard physical labor. Most men were required to fight in combat, or at the very least have the skills and strength needed to fight, defend their property, or protect their families. In many cultures, boys werent considered men in their society until they had proven themselves in some way.

In those days, men were known for their bravery and their dignity, and there was such a thing as masculine beauty. Men really cared what other men thought of them especially older men. Those days are long gone. Our dads didnt teach us, our schools didnt teach us, our society wont teach us, and our women cant and really shouldnt teach us what it means to be a man. Its up to us. It wont happen automatically and we wont learn it by watching TV or playing video games.