Autumn Sand [Sand - Ruin: The El Diablo Chronicles

Dear Reader,

As the author of this book, I want to warn readers that there is child sexual assault in the subject matter. Though I do not necessarily go into the details of the abuse, it is implied. I do not in any way condone these acts nor do I glamorize them.

As usual, I am using my books to shed more light on a vicious and heinous act and hopefully show a way to heal.

Thank you,

Autumn Sand

My mother parks her old Buick Skylark in the churchs parking lot. The sound of the ancient engine putters to a stop and coughs out fumes from the exhaust. A shudder goes up my spine as the shadow of the ginormous church looms, tall and foreboding in front of us.

God doesnt love you anymore. My mothers words the day of Daddys funeral echo in my memory as I try to steel myself to enter a church for the first time since his death. Can God forgive me of my sins? Will he forgive me for killing my father and unborn baby brother?

My body jerks at the sudden shock of me biting my bottom lip too hard. Quickly, I lick the droplet of blood, hoping to erase my immoralities with one swipe of the tongue.

I glance at the church and try to swallow down the bitter taste of fear, wondering for a moment if Im about to die once I step foot on the holy ground. My hands suddenly feel ice cold even though its at least a hundred degrees outside. Sitting on my hands to warm them up, I swing my legs out to release the pent-up energy as I wait for my mother to finish reapplying her lipstick.

I dont want to go inside, Mommy. My voice shakes as I plead for the last time, knowing it will only fall on deaf ears.

She snaps the cap back in place on the tube of lipstick and turns to look at me through the narrowed slits of her green eyes. For the last time, I told you that you have to go. Your new daddy wants to meet you.

She checks her teeth for lipstick smudges in the mirror, already bored with explaining this to me again. God knows why he would want to meet you, she murmurs, and I wonder if it was meant for me to hear.

But Ill be struck dead if I walk inside, I whine. She hates it when I complain but I fear the worst will happen to me.

The slap comes out of nowhere so fast I dont have enough time to feel it as my head hits the car door. My cheek burns on one side and my head throbs on the other. Pain. Oh my God, the pain. I open my mouth to let out a cry but see the seething look in her eyes and shut my mouth, swallowing it down like Ive done many times before.

No backtalk, she says as she fluffs out her auburn hair. It bounces around her shoulders and down her back in a cascade of curls like a waterfall.

Yesm, I mumble and nibble on my bottom lip.

She opens the car door. Come on, hes expecting us. Bending down, she smooths down her tight skirt and checks her stockings for runs. Satisfied with her appearance, she begins to walk down the paved lot, not bothering to make sure if Im behind her or not.

I run up to her and try to keep in step as she walks in a brisk pace. I fall behind for a second to catch my breath.

Do you hear me? Tallie, this is very important. My mother stops suddenly in the middle of the church parking lot and bends down in front of me. Look at you, youre a mess.

In her typical dramatic fashion, she reaches inside her purse and pulls out a napkin, holding it to my mouth. Spit.

I do as she commands. She takes the now moist tissue and wipes whats left of my chocolate chip cookie from the corners of my mouth. Her freshly painted red nails twirl in the air in a wordless order. Slowly, I turn around so her eyes can give me an appraising look.

Nodding her approval, she grabs my left hand and gives it a squeeze.

Tallie, this is very important to Mommy. Okay? Her voice is stern, yet she sounds as if she is pleading for my help. You must be a very good girl. Do whatever he says, okay? She looks at me and I nod. Good. He wants you to come live with us after the wedding.

Again, she waits for me to acknowledge my understanding, which I do. Once you live with us, you have to be a good girl. You must not do anything to make him regret you being around. Do you hear me? Do absolutely whatever he says and I wont send you back to Granny.

I promise, Mommy. Ill be good. I get to live with Mommy and my new daddy. Will I be a part of a family again? Will he love me just as much as my real daddy did? Will God finally forgive me?

She smiles and rubs my hair. If I was like my pet cat, I wouldve purred. But Im not, so instead, I smile and my heart bursts with joy with the first sign of affection she has shown me in years.

The heat from the hot Florida sun beams down on top of my head and the dress my mother made me wear suddenly feels itchy against my skin.