Department of the Army - U.S. Army Zombie Training Manual

CHAPTER 1

Trainers Note: While often perceived as docile, funny, and even friendly, the Undead are an aggressive species that must be approached with caution. Before any soldier comes in contact with a zombie for examination, training, or fighting purposes, that zombie must be made docile. For this the Army has developed a calming agent that is to be administered to the Undead immediately upon capture. BAD BRAAAINZ gnawing gum releases a combination of tranquilizers and appetite suppressants that make the Undead docile and trainable, and it comes in patented Forbidden Fruit and Razor Sharp Spearmint flavors. (See Figures 1a and 1b.)

BAD BRAAAINZ gnawing gum should be distributed only by qualified Zeterinarians, Army personnel licensed to care for zombies.

Figure 1a. With Bad BRAAAINZ gum.

Figure 1b. Without Bad BRAAAINZ gum.

Todays zombie handlers are deployed more than ever to locations that may not always have Zeterinary support. This chapter is a refresher to training you are required to receive from your home station Zeterinary personnel annually. If you have not been properly trained, this guidance is not the starting point for learning these skill sets, and you should seek out the training.

1.1.1. Taking vital signs. Vital signs are a key component of the physical evaluation of a Military Working Zombie (MWZ). As a zombie handler, it is important that you know how to take your zombies vital signs. You must also know what is considered normal for your zombie. Learning how to take the vital signs will allow you to quickly recognize abnormal conditions and relay important findings to Zeterinary staff. (See Figure 2.)

Figure 2. Military Working Zombies require physical examinations.

Measure the vital signs of the zombie. Vital signs are most representative of the zombies health if measured while the zombie is at rest and not stressed. The core vital signs should be measured at every physical examination or when evaluating a zombie because of illness or injury and should include body temperature, pulse rate and character, respiratory rate and character, mucous membrane color, capillary refill time (CRT), skin elasticity, level of consciousness, body weight, and body condition score (BCS).

Figure 3. Two methods of protection for taking Undeads temperature.

A) Determine the zombies body temperature using the rectal temperature measurement method. It is a good idea to WEAR PROTECTIVE GEAR. (See Figure 3.)

B) Lubricate the thermometer by squeezing a small amount of sterile lubricant onto a gauze sponge and rolling the thermometer tip in the lubricant.

C) Drop the pants gently and insert the thermometer 1 to 2 inches into the zombies rectum.

D) Support the abdomen and do not allow the zombie to sit.

E) Hold the thermometer in place until it beeps or flashes.

F) Remove the thermometer and wipe it with a gauze sponge soaked with alcohol.

G) Read the thermometer. The normal rectal temperature of a zombie is 0.5F to 2.5F. The zombies temperature may be increased due to high environmental temperatures, stress, or exercise, or because of illness or injury.

1.1.2. Determine the zombies pulse rate and character.

A) Locate the femoral artery by placing the flat of your hand in the groin area, and then gently press in on the middle of the inner thigh with the index and middle fingers until you feel pulsations.

B) Count the number of pulsations for 60 seconds, or count for 30 seconds and multiply by 2, to determine pulses per minute.

C) The normal pulse range is 7 to 12 pulses or beats per minute (bpm).

D) Judge the pulse character using the following terms: Regular (smooth) or irregular (uneven) rhythm. Strong (easily detected) or weak (not easily detected) strength. The normal pulse character is regular and strong.

1.1.3. Determine the zombies respiratory rate and character.

A) Count the number of times the zombie breathes to determine breaths per minute by counting the number of breaths taken in 60 seconds, or count the number of breaths taken in 30 seconds and multiply by 2. The normal respiratory rate of a zombie is from 10 to 30 breaths per minute.

B) Judge respiratory character based on the depth (shallow, deep, or normal) and the rhythm (droning, regular, or forced). The normal respiratory character of a zombie is a normal depth and regular rhythm.

1.1.4. Determine the zombies mucous membrane color and mucous membrane moistness. The best place to check mucous membrane color and moistness is the tissue covering the gums in the mouth.

A) Expose the zombies gums by gently pulling the top lip up or the bottom lip down and note the color of the gums. The normal mucous membrane color of a zombie is gray. Gray mucous membranes tell us that enough oxygen is making it into the ooze stream. Abnormal mucous membrane color would be pink or brick red.

B) Note the moistness of the gums by gently touching your finger to the exposed gums. Mucous membrane moistness is one of several crude assessments of hydration status of the zombie. Normal mucous membranes are, in the words of one handler, gooey or eww-y. Mucous membranes dry or tacky to the touch are not normal.

1.1.5. Determine the zombies capillary refill time (CRT), which is the amount of time, measured in seconds, that it takes ooze to return to an area of the gum after it has been blanched by your finger. CRT assesses ooze flow to tissues.

A) Expose the zombies gums by gently pulling the top lip up or the bottom lip down. Gently press your index finger into the gums to blanch the area. Release the finger and count in seconds how long it takes for ooze to return to the area. The normal CRT of a zombie is less than 2 seconds.

1.1.6. Determine the zombies skin elasticity. Skin elasticity is another of the crude assessment tools used to evaluate the hydration status of a zombie.

A) Gently grasp a small area of skin on the back and pull it up into a tent. Hold for a few seconds and then release. The normal skin elasticity in a zombie is immediate return of tented skin to its normal position.

1.1.7. Observe the zombies level of consciousness, or mental alertness. Use one of the following terms to describe the zombies mental alertness:

A) Bright, alert, aware, attentive, and responsive (BAAAR), or quiet, alert, aware, attentive, and responsive (QAAAR): The zombie appears normal in all respects mentally.

B) Depressed: The zombie appears down, lethargic, and not interested in normal activities (homework, playtime), and may have a loss of appetite; the zombie responds to verbal and physical stimuli, but is slow to respond.

C) Stupor: The zombie acts sloshed and out of it: the zombie responds to physical stimulation but not verbal stimulation; responses are very slow.

D) Coma: The zombie is completely unresponsive to verbal and physical stimulation.

E) Agitated: The zombie cant sit still, moves rapidly and irregularly, and acts disturbed. He is being high-maintenance.

1.1.8. Determine the zombies weight and body condition score (BCS) by weighing the zombie on the scale and observing the zombies physical appearance. BCS should be determined utilizing the Zomburina Body Condition Score chart as a reference, located at www.zomburina.zom/zombies/health/bodycondition.zspx. The optimal BCS for an MWZ is a score of 4 or 5. Any MWZ that is above or below the optimal BCS range is possibly over- or underweight. (See Figure 4.)