Candi Williams - How to Be Perfectly Imperfect: Stop Comparing, Start Living

HOW TO BE PERFECTLY IMPERFECT

Copyright Summersdale Publishers Ltd, 2020

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No part of this book may be reproduced by any means, nor transmitted, nor translated into a machine language, without the written permission of the publishers.

Candi Williams has asserted her moral right to be identified as the author of this work in accordance with sections 77 and 78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

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Introduction

You were not put on this earth to be perfect. You were put on this earth to be you.

This little book is here to show you that, despite all those insta-images, media messages and tiring thought patterns, you are good enough exactly as you are.

You do not need to change a single thing about yourself to meet someone elses definition of perfect.

Perfect doesnt equal happy. In fact, the best way to be happy is to stop trying to be perfect.

So get ready to let go of those feelings of not being good enough, the Ill be happy when ____ messages and worrying about what other people think. Its time to start living and loving yourself a bit more.

Part one:
The problem with perfectionism

One of the big problems with perfectionism is that it often disguises itself as ambition, drive and motivation. All of those things can be good. Its good to strive for something. Its good to have dreams, to work hard to achieve. But these traits can fast become obsessive, all-consuming and unattainable.

Perfectionism has a wicked way of imposing impossible-to-reach standards upon us. Often when we meet one of the standards, another one pops right up to try us kind of like the game Whac-A-Mole. And just like trying to hit faux moles at record pace, perfectionism can be exhausting.

perfectionism

noun

constantly striving to achieve unrealistic goals or meet unattainable standards; seeing anything less than flawlessness as self-failure

We are born to be real, not to be perfect.

DONT AIM FOR PERFECTION.
AIM FOR BETTER THAN YESTERDAY.

Izey Victoria Odiase

Stop should-ing and never-ing yourself

Ill never be good enough.

I must lose weight.

Sound familiar? The problem is that using words like never, always, must and should sets unrealistic expectations for us to adhere to certain standards.

The truth is: were human! Sometimes, we make mistakes, we indulge or we dont feel our best because were real.

So give yourself a break and start swapping out your should s for could s and always for sometimes , e.g.

• Sometimes, I feel like Im not good enough but I have plenty of friends who love me for who I am.
  
• I could go to the gym but if Im not feeling up to it, I could also do a workout at home.

Recognize perfectionism

Theres no one size fits all when it comes to perfectionism. In fact, a study by Danielle S. Molnar identified three types of perfectionism:

• Self-oriented perfectionism where individuals impose high standards on themselves.
• Socially prescribed perfectionism where individuals feel that others expect them to be perfect.
• Other-oriented perfectionism where individuals Place high standards upon others.

These different elements of perfectionism can appear together or on their own. Understanding them can help you notice when they pop up in your day-to-day life. Rather than seeing the high standards you put on yourself/others as essential, see it for what it is perfectionism creeping up on you.

You are not a robot

Remember, you are human beautifully, uniquely human. And just like all other humans, you have limits, flaws and needs. Rest and self-care are just as important as food and water so instead of piling the pressure on yourself, recognize your limits and take time to slow down.

Think:

• Is this realistic?
• What are my stress levels like right now?
• How can I break this down into something more achievable?
• Whats the actual impact of me reaching good enough but not perfect here?

The toxic side of perfectionism

Perfectionism can often be confused with motivation and touted as a positive thing but, in actual fact, its linked to a whole list of health issues, including:

• Anxiety
• Depression
• Eating disorders
• High blood pressure
• Bipolar disorder

Now, thats not to say that if youre a perfectionist then youll suffer from these conditions, but it does highlight that perfectionism is stressful and that it can have a real impact on our health and well-being.

Loosening the grip of perfectionism

Perfectionism can take a pretty tight hold especially if its always been a feature in your life. Here are a few signs that you might be suffering from perfectionism:

• Youre super hard on yourself. You work hard to give 110 per cent in all that you do and if you dont meet your expectations, you beat yourself up about it.
• Criticism cuts deep. Negative feedback hurts you as it makes you feel imperfect.
• Everythings got to be just right. You like everything to be done perfectly or whats the point?
• You obsess about mistakes. Even when the tiniest thing goes wrong, it feels huge to you and you struggle to stop thinking about it.

IN A WORLD WHERE EVERYONE IS SEARCHING FOR PERFECTION,
Dare to be Different.

Acknowledge that perfectionism isnt good for you

It can be really, really difficult trying to be absolutely amazing at everything you do. If you want to shake off perfectionism, firstly you need to acknowledge its not good for you.

Just like smoking or too much alcohol, researchers are all in agreement that perfectionism can be highly detrimental to your health. When you notice its getting too much, pause, re-prioritize and put your well-being top of your to-do list.

PERFECTIONISM IS A DANGEROUS STATE OF MIND IN AN IMPERFECT WORLD.

Robert Hillyer

Whats the worst that can happen?

Think about it: what would actually happen if something you did wasnt quite perfect? Chances are the world wont set alight and your loved ones wont all turn against you. Dont believe me? Give it a go. Try it with something with low-level risk like sending an email to a workmate without proofreading it, going out without brushing your hair or buying something without reading every single review ever first. At first, it might seem totally unnatural but itll help you see that you really, really dont have to be perfect at absolutely everything.