Tom Chiarella - Becoming a Life Coach

B ECOMING A N EUROSURGEON

B ECOMING A V ETERINARIAN

B ECOMING A V ENTURE C APITALIST

B ECOMING A H AIRSTYLIST

B ECOMING A R EAL E STATE A GENT

B ECOMING A M ARINE B IOLOGIST

B ECOMING AN E THICAL H ACKER

B ECOMING A L IFE C OACH

ALSO AVAILABLE

B ECOMING A Y OGA I NSTRUCTOR

B ECOMING A R ESTAURATEUR

B ECOMING A P RIVATE I NVESTIGATOR

B ECOMING A B AKER

B ECOMING A S OMMELIER

B ECOMING A C URATOR

B ECOMING AN A RCHITECT

B ECOMING A F ASHION D ESIGNER

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

ISBN 978-1-5011-9768-0

ISBN 978-1-5011-9770-3 (ebook)

T O MY LIFE COACH AND WISE FRIEND J AMES J. B ELL, AND THE MEMORY OF J AMES T AYLOR, HIS LITTLE BROTHER.

C hildren learn early on who to trust and who to ask for help. Some of these individuals come attached to their livesmothers and fathers, the favorite aunt from Virginia. Others are the result of happenstancethe second-grade teacher who limped a little, the youth minister who loved spy novels, the grumpy neighbor who knew how to grill and sail. Or maybe just that one kid who made everything look easy in school. If all goes well, life presents children with choices when it comes to asking for help.

As an adult, its harder to know who to trust. We all have friends, but friends can be fools. Unwise. Still learning. Not every friend has the wisdom or experience to grapple with the nuances of careers, the ups and downs of relationships, the challenges of parenting. These are issues that friends might be beginning to face themselves, and so they are just as likely to ask you for help as you are to ask them. In the workplace, it can be worse. Not every job presents a colleague who can be trusted for good advice. And not every friend or coworker can be counted on to tell you the truth even if it hurts your feelings. And sometimes you just need the truth. Sigh. Brutal, brutal sigh.

We are creatures of connection. We want friends. And yes, we need help from time to time. We seek out teachers. Mentors. Spiritual guides. Someone who helped make the right choice when we were hurting. A coworker who modeled the right way to go to work, the right attitude, the right energy, the right set of expectations.

We turn to others. We ask for help. Wise people, leaders, friends, kind souls, experienced people, people who have suffered and triumphed, teachers, coaches. Once, they were all around us, it seems. But somehow it becomes difficult to find them when we get older.

Enter the life coach.

L IFE COACHES ARE INDIVIDUALS who make themselves available for consultation and guidance. They are expert in helping others create positive change in their lives or careers. Typically, they concentrate on such issues as work-life balance, personal health, time management, and stress reduction. But effective coaching extends into an examination of daily habits, the way we treat others, the way we think about our work, and the way we speak about ourselves and judge our own actions.

Maybe that seems like a wordy way to define friendship. While a life coach may be kind, caring, and, yes, friendly, a life coach is not a friend. They are professionals who act as your advocate and behavioral analyst. For money. They dont provide answers. They work to help you find the answers yourself. They help you get the best from you. As such, they arent likely to talk about themselves. Ever. They are trained not to. Theres nothing newsy, or gossipy, about conversations with a life coach. When you hire one, you are the client. Not the pal. They will ask the client to speak about themselves, theyll expect honesty, and theyll work to hold the client accountable for their behavior.

Some picture the relationship with a life coach as a series of lunches where you get advice from a senior colleague or old friend. Rule one with good life coaches? Life coaches dont give advice. They help clients get a fresh look at their own process of decision making. They deconstruct motivation. They disassemble habits into their constituent parts. Life coaching attempts to present the client with questions that allow them to connect to a future offering new possibilities. The life coach doesnt promise to know how the client will get anywhere. They help the client see that they have the tools to make choices without the crutch of someone elses advice.

Any life coach will tell you: theyre not a friend. They may add: Not a mentor. Not a therapist. Not a spiritual guide. Not a teacher. But they do operate in the territories of these human relationships. When their clients talk about them, they use the very terms we use when discussing friends, mentors, therapists, spiritual guides, and teachers. There are examples of gratitude, devotion, appreciation, allegiance, and even love from clients in the comments you find on the web pages of most life coaches. They make people think, they give some advice, and they get paid for that. How hard can it be?

W HAT DOES IT TAKE to become a life coach? You dont need a license. There isnt any such thing. And life coaching isnt particularly regulated on the federal or state level. There is no authoritative private or public oversight of the field. No standard certification process. And while there are certification programs, there is no agreed-upon curriculum from one program to the next, and neither is there any standard coaching technique that bridges the gaps between the various programs.

In many ways, becoming a life coach is simply a matter of declaring: Im a life coach. Thats really all it takes. So you could be forgiven for having considered life coaching an elaborate scam, and those who practice the job to be filmflam men. But youll find throughout the pages of this book that quite the opposite is the case. While it may be an amorphous field populated at the fringes by a menagerie of free agents, it is an emergent profession that truly helps a hungry clientele. Its practitioners are genuine and impassioned professionals.

How do they do it? What are their techniques? Some life coaches pose a single revealing question at the start, or conclusion, of each session. They might ask the client to reflect or write a response before the next meeting. That response might be a list. A story. An essay. It might sound more like a mission statement. It may be a description of a street the client lived on. There is no standard exercise. Assignments depend on the instinct and training of the individual life coach.

Other coaches employ Neuro Linguistic Programming to interrupt lifelong patterns of self-image revealed in the way a client describes themself, for instance. The coach assesses: Does the client describe themself by looking at the past? Do they reference mistakes theyve typically made? Are they able to describe their plans in terms of the effect of the success they hope to experience? The life coach might then reveal a possible change in habits as small as simple diction. The Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP)trained coach may measure a clients eye movements while talking, and ask them to use tapping techniques and pressure points on the bodys meridians to interrupt previous patterns of cognition. It is a complex and much-vetted process of guiding a client toward language and self-assessment as a tool of positive change.