Dodson - Orgasms for two: the joy of partnersex

ORGASMS

FOR TWO

The Joy of Partner sex

Betty Dodson, Ph.D.

HARMONY BOOKS

New York

Contents

For all the gentle men who have enriched my life without coercion, abuse, or a drop of sexual violence. Like most women, Ive had my periods of hating men. But once I understood the follies of my romantic love addiction, I was able to look back and appreciate my high school crushes, romantic lovers, two fiancs, a husband, and an abundance of postmarital sex partners both casual and profound.

Acknowledgments

When my editor, Shaye Areheart, called and proposed I write the sequel to Sex for One, without hesitation I declined. No more frustrations working with a big corporation for me, thank you. She reminded me that a big publisher could also be a formidable partner. As we talked, I admitted that in spite of my reputation for being a career masturbator and a dyke, Id been living with a young man for the past couple of years. And while Id found our partner sex to be quite enjoyable, I still wasnt what Id call a big fan of coupledom. Her enthusiasm and persistence finally seduced me into agreeing to write this book. My heartfelt thanks to her for making our collaboration so thoroughly enjoyable.

I want to thank my three brothers, Rowan, Bill, and Dick. Growing up with them allowed me to interact with the opposite sex as an equal. Otherwise I might have remained a closeted heterosexual.

My writing mentor, Grant Taylor, dropped out so I could do this book on my own and I thank him for that. Oh how Id hated but then missed his incessant, literary nit-picking.

My two girlfriends who are both authors made some good suggestions. Marianna Beck of Libido.com thought I could let go of an entire chapter and I did. Maryann Macy covered the manuscript with a lot of helpful comments. My professional friends who are clinical psychologists and psychoanalysts working with clients asked me some hard questions about relationships that I couldnt really answer except to say my specialty is sexual skills. Still, their input was invaluable. My thanks go to Joanna Whitcup, Cathie Ragovin, Derek Polonsky, and Suzanne Iazensa.

I also want to thank my monthly womens group of Ph.D. therapists and sex educators who gave me feedback on the chapters I presented during our meetings. Although I nearly abandoned them during this project, my dear friends Mary Guarino and Joan McElroy cheered me on. The many phone conversations with Richard Lamparski kept my sense of humor intact.

Oh, I almost forgot. Without my new hip joints, I could never have experienced such fabulous partner sex again. Thanks to Dr. Robert Buly, my orthopedic surgeon, Im still rocking and rolling.

Finally, I want to thank my roommate, Eric, who was my muse for this book. Besides putting in many hours reading and improving the manuscript, he was always there to calm me down or cheer me up with happy orgasms, lots of hugs, and sweet puppy kisses. When Erics mother, Bonnie, read the book, I held my breath, expecting her to be shocked or upset by all the explicit sexual details about her son. Instead she said, Everything youve written is true. Then she grinned and suggested I dedicate the book to her! It sounded just like a comment my own mother would have made. So I dedicate this book to my mother, Erics mother, and to all mothers who are raising sweet, gentle sons.

A WORD FROM BETTY ABOUT HER ILLUSTRATIONS

Without giving it much thought, I agreed to provide illustrations for the book, a decision I would temporarily regret. Even though it had been nearly two decades since Id drawn anything except for an occasional sketch or two, I assumed drawing was like riding a bicycleyou never forget how. But after drawing every day for nearly a month, I was convinced Id lost all my skills. One day, in desperation, I started repeating out loud what Bernard Klonis, my drawing instructor at the Art Students League, used to constantly say, Draw through the form. Finally, the first illustration came off the end of my Rapidograph pen and I was elated. Drawing turned out to be a joy, as I spent some time on the other side of my brain. I could draw and talk on the phone, listen to music, or think about everything or nothing. Working in pen and ink was wonderful and demanding.

The diagrams of genital anatomy were taken from several sources. First, I want to acknowledge the work done by the Federation of Feminist Womens Health Centers. The illustrations by Susan Gage in their book, A New View of a Womans Body, were a major resource. I also used information from the Color Atlas of Anatomy by Johannes W. Rohen and Elke Lutjen-Drecoll, medical doctors at the University of Erlangen in Germany. And finally, the art of Frank H. Netter, M.D., of the CIBA collection of illustrations, was my first introduction to detailed drawings of the human reproductive organs.

One of the most interesting discoveries I made was that every artist has his or her own version of how to represent the anatomy of the human body. The images varied greatly. My personal interpretations may not always be entirely accurate. Still, they will give my readers some idea of the marvelous design of the human body, especially our magnificent sex organs.

Preface

When the title of my book Sex for One was announced at my forty-fifth high school reunion in Wichita, Kansas, most people thought it was about sex for one at a time. In New York City, when I tell my friends the title of my next book is Orgasms for Two, they break out into a big grin and ask if Im going to write Orgasms for Three or More. The answer is no, but now that Im a senior citizen living with a young man, I am considering writing a book titled Orgasms for Oldsters: Too Sexy for Their Rockers.

After three decades of teaching women about orgasm through the practice of masturbation, I never envisioned writing a book about sex for couples. By the time I reached forty, I knew romantic love was a myth, relationships and marriages didnt last for me, and life wasnt fair. In spite of my vow to never fall in love or live with another man or woman again, my prized independence dissolved in 1999 when Eric Wilkinson moved in with me. After thirty years of living alone and enjoying the life of a bisexual bachelor, I was inspired by this young man to revisit heterosexuality. Only this time around I have the unique perspective of a financially and sexually empowered wise woman.

Sex for One was the result of the orgasmic sex I shared with my first postmarital lover, Grant Taylor. During the first year of our affair, in 1965, we discussed the important role that masturbation had played in our respective lives before we met. Once we included masturbation in our sexual repertoire, we also discovered that it enhanced partner sex. Since then we have continued our ongoing dialogue about the politics of masturbation. Today he is my trusted friend and brilliant Webmaster of www.bettydodson.com.

Orgasms for Two is a continuation of my erotic journey, sharing a positive message about how masturbation can liberate partner sex between gay male, lesbian, bisexual, and gender-blended couples. Because women are the ones who buy the most sex books, I offer a word of caution: This is not a book about how to get a man, how to keep him, or how to get rid of him or kill him after the relationship is over. I have no idea how to sustain hot monogamy or a passionate marriage. My personal record with both is dismal.