Carter - 49 ways to sexual well-being: a practical guide for women

49 WAYS TO SEXUAL WELL-BEING

DR FRANCES CARTER

49 WAYS TO

SEXUAL

WELL-BEING

A practical guide for women

DR FRANCES CARTER

First published in Great Britain in 2015 by Step Beach Press Ltd Brighton

Dr Frances Carter

The right of Dr Frances Carter to be identified as the author of the work has been asserted in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means without the prior written permission of the publisher, nor be otherwise circulated in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.

A CIP catalogue record for this title is available from the British Library.

ISBN 978-1-908779-09-0

Picture credits: depositphotos.com

Series editor: Jan Alcoe

Typeset in Brighton, UK by Step Beach Press Ltd

Printed and bound by Spinnaker Print, Southampton

Step Beach Press Ltd, 28 Osborne Villas, Hove, East Sussex BN3 2RE

www.stepbeachpress.co.uk

49 Ways to Well-being Series

If you have selected this book, you may be looking for practical ways of improving your well-being. If you are a health and well-being practitioner or therapist, you may be helping your clients to improve theirs by encouraging them to practise some of the approaches it is based on. Well-being is a subjective state of feeling good which has physical, mental, emotional and even spiritual dimensions. Because these dimensions overlap and interact, it is possible to improve well-being by making positive changes in any one. For example, taking up regular exercise (a focus on physical well-being) may improve concentration (mental well-being), happiness (emotional well-being) and sense of purpose (spiritual well-being). This series of well-being books is designed to provide a variety of routes to recovering, sustaining, protecting and enhancing well-being, depending on your interests and motivations. While some emphasise psychological techniques, others are based on physical movement, nutrition, journaling and many other approaches.

Each book in the series provides 49 practical ways to improving well-being, based on a particular therapeutic approach and written by an expert in that field. Based on tried and tested approaches from its field, each title offers the user a rich source of tools for well-being. Some of these can be used effectively for improving general resilience, others are especially helpful for particular problems or issues you may be dealing with, for example, recovering from illness, improving relaxation and sleep, or boosting motivation and self-confidence.

Enjoy dipping into any 49 Ways book and selecting ones which catch your interest or help you to meet a need at a particular time. We have deliberately included many different ideas for practice, knowing that some will be more appropriate at different times, in different situations and with different individuals. You may find certain approaches so helpful or enjoyable that you build them into everyday living, as part of your own well-being strategy.

Having explored one book, you may be interested in using some of the other titles to add to your well-being toolbox, learning how to approach your well-being via a number of different therapeutic routes.

For more information about the series, including current and forthcoming titles, visit www.stepbeachpress.com/well-being

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

Thank you to Dr Martin Edwards GP, writer and columnist, and to Emma Cole, yoga instructor and blogger for their expert contributions to this book.

Introduction

This practical yet informal guide aims to bring you an increased awareness of your sexual potential, to help you increase your sense of yourself as a sexual being. It suggests that it is by acknowledging the significance of our sexuality to our sense of who we are as individuals, that we can increase both our well-being and our being in the world. 49 Ways to Sexual Well-being prioritises an awareness of individual, innate sexuality as a part of living well with oneself and others: lovers, friends and strangers. In a tone at once light-hearted and practical, the author suggests a wide range of strategies which may be used to support sexual exploration, whether the reader is single or in a relationship.

For a long time women have experienced challenges in pursuing any exploration of their autonomous sexuality; much media material focuses on how to be more sexually appealing to men or how to re-ignite a sexually flagging relationship. This book works on the premise that sexuality pervades every aspect of our daily lives, whether we are walking the dog or buying the Sunday papers. While the guide is written primarily with women in mind, it hopes to provide food for thought and sexual practice for everyone, regardless of gender, age or sexual preferences. My hope and intention is that dipping into this book will help you to ignite your sense of sexual self-confidence, guide you in finding new avenues of sexual self-pleasuring, and give you permission to uncover and enjoy the abundance of sexual frisson to be found in everyday experience!

In preparing to write, I talked to a number of women about some of the themes I aimed to cover, and in fact, their kind participation informed both the content and the structure of the book. My rather informal research ranged widely I talked to women about a range of issues, from how to maintain a sexual self as you grow older, and how to imbue your home with sensual pleasure, to the controversial topic of female ejaculation. I have included short quotes from these conversations in many of the 49 Ways and I am indebted to all the women who spoke to me for both their insight and their tolerance of my foraging into the most intimate areas of their lives. It is in no small part thanks to their contribution that this book takes such a very broad perspective regarding female sexuality.

Overall, 49 Ways to Sexual Well-being aims to acknowledge the utter centrality of sexuality to all our lives, whatever our age, background, gender or sexual persuasion. This is not a book about re-igniting your sex life, this is a book about re-igniting your sense of self!

How to use this book

Rather than being overwhelmingly problem orientated, a common focus of many sex guides, this book focusses on positive suggestions for embracing your sexuality. Throughout the book there will be passages to get you thinking about yourself and your relationship to sexuality. There are light hearted and hopefully useful exercises aimed at helping you to see yourself in an increasingly sexual light, as well as personal views, insights and experiences from the women I have talked to in the course of writing this book.

While I suggest you start with the first Way which is designed to start you considering your sexuality as a personal attribute rather than something to be viewed in relation to others essentially this is a book to dip into. Each themed chapter is separated into five Ways, most of which include a Try this activity as an invitation to put some of the ideas in practice.

Chapter 1

THE SEXUAL YOU

This chapter focuses on preparing to acknowledge your own sexuality through experiencing yourself as an autonomous being in the world.