Boyd - Shes Not the Man I Married: My Life with a Transgender Husband
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- Book:Shes Not the Man I Married: My Life with a Transgender Husband
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- Publisher:Seal Press
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- Year:2011;2006
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Shes Not the Man I Married: My Life with a Transgender Husband: summary, description and annotation
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pt. 1. Beginning -- Raw power -- pt. 2. Before testosterone -- Get more cigarettes -- Adolescent sphinx -- Dresses, wrestling, and Barbies -- Kamikaze night walking -- Crime, poetry, dungeons, and psychic forces -- Fun house -- Theater of fate -- First sign -- Psychiatrists tabloid tales--feminist paranoia -- Manhattan July -- Imagination and body -- Cautionary tales -- The hormones really work -- Epiphanies -- Beards, housewives, and ex-lesbian separatists -- Birthday party -- Getting my name -- Binding -- Patriarchal underwear cannibals -- pt. 3. After testosterone -- Blood rites -- Saying goodbye -- The incredible hulk -- Hunger -- Shaving -- Breaking the news -- Sex for sale -- In the grip of the goddess -- Urine, scents, and bathrooms -- Authority -- Saint Priapus -- Venus of data entry -- Man with breasts -- Normal guy -- Cock in my pocket -- Juliet -- Twilight zone -- Weird, weird world -- Sex wars -- Its a great gimmick -- Predator -- Stripper -- Commitment -- Territory -- Initiation -- Testosterone, energy, and aggression -- Further initiations -- Cold dark shades -- The end of tears -- Switching places -- Phantom dick -- Adams apple.
Boyd: author's other books
Who wrote Shes Not the Man I Married: My Life with a Transgender Husband? Find out the surname, the name of the author of the book and a list of all author's works by series.
Edward T. Bennet
Craig Groeschel
Harvard Medical School.
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Table of Contents
Praise for Shes Not the Man I Married
Between the covers of this book, youll hear how love sounds when its so honest it bleeds. Trans liberation is more certain to win because Helens on the team.
Leslie Feinberg, author of Drag King Dreams
This (im)perfect modern love story tackles the big questionsthe meanings of gender, why we love the people we love, how we love the people we lovehonestly, articulately, and with tremendous eloquence.
Josey Vogels, sex columnist and author of Bedside Manners: Sex Etiquette Made Easy
Thoughtful, sharp, and provocative, this book delves into one of the most terrifying and universal elements of a relationship: change. Helens courage and insight are remarkable, and we have much to learn from her about redefining gender roles, marriage, and commitment in this century.
Tristan Taormino, author and Village Voice columnist
Part journal, part queer studies, part liberation manifesto, Shes Not the Man I Married is a daring love letter from Helen Boyd to her partner, their relationship, and anyone who has dared to love outside of the traditional gender script.
Abigail Garner, author of Families Like Mine
Praise for My Husband Betty
Boyd never expected to write about transvestites and their partners, yet here is her fascinating account of marriage to a crossdresser.... Boyds skill as a writer enables readers to enter a relatively hidden existence easily, and perhaps even to appreciate its complexities. Her account, though initially disquieting to some, well may become a standard text in gender studies.
Whitney Scott, BookList
A straight woman who has been married several years to a crossdressing man gives a thoughtful account of their relationship (as well as the relationships of other crossdressers she knows) in this forthright and revelatory book.... Honest and well researched, this book is likely to become an indispensable guide.
Publishers Weekly
this book is dedicated to the memory of
peter dee
who in his whimsical way decided that we two were
two someones who needed to meet
peter dee
who in his whimsical way decided that we two were
two someones who needed to meet
& in memory of
gianna israel, for her kindness
vern bullough, for his generosity
gidget, for her humor
minna, for her bravery
gianna israel, for her kindness
vern bullough, for his generosity
gidget, for her humor
minna, for her bravery
&, of course, to betty
preface.
When I was still putting together the idea of what this book would be, an astute editor told me that there wasnt enough in My Husband Betty about me and Betty and our relationship, at least not compared to the information about crossdressing and stories of other couples experiences. I certainly didnt plan to write a book others would refer to as the crossdressers textbook, though I did consider calling it A Field Guide to Crossdressing when I was looking for a subtitle because I thought that accurately reflected what My Husband Betty is. I didnt intend to leave out so much of our story, and there was no sleight of hand; given the opportunity to write about crossdressing and life with someone trans, I couldnt help but write a book that focused more on practical information and the stories of others because there was so little out there. Our story is between the lines of My Husband Betty, there but not there.
Even a few ordinary years can change a relationship and the people in it, but the last few years, since the publication of My Husband Betty, have been anything but ordinary for us. We have met thousands of trans people in person, online, and via email; weve met friends of friends, activists, and readers. Weve met queer theorists and partners and bois. Betty got to perform with a lesbian theater group, and Ive given workshops on sexuality for hundreds of people. These are not ordinary things, but they have become ordinary for us. We both changed a lot once we started meeting people and realized we had becomelike it or notpublic people.
Because Betty presented as female for the many events we attended, she found more and more time and space to explore her female self, which is what led to her questioning transition more directly than she had before. Like most people who crossdress, she had wondered about living as a woman and had certainly fantasized about it, but she didnt expect to wake up one day and realize that she had actually achieved having a very real life as a female person without necessarily making a decision to do so. It was a little terrifying to have come so far so fast, and unconsciouslya little like being Wile E. Coyote having just run off the cliff without meaning to. She took a few steps back and decided to think more about it, to be more present, to weigh her options instead of choosing one without considering them all.
Weve realized since that even her exploration of her female side was a bit like a Pandoras box, which once opened cannot be closed. Since our exposure to the trans community caused that box to be opened, we thought we should use the resources it provided. We were in a unique position to survey the many ways people seek to make peace with their transness. Once Betty started paying closer attention, she noticed more things that made her hesitate. We became cautious when we recognized how illusory the feeling of safety and acceptance can be when youre most often in trans friendly spaces. That is, were both well aware that the rest of the world is not trans friendly or necessarily even lesbian friendly or queer friendly. I suspect Betty will continue to hold off on making the decision to transition until we are sure we can handle being who we are everywhere, that all of who she is can be brought into an only-female self, and that our relationship will survive.
Betty calls her experience as both cover girl and raison dtre of My Husband Betty and this book being Betty of the Book. Its that very public exposure that has made Bettys to transition or not to transition issue so complicated. On the one hand, she has met more passing, happy trans women than most. It encourages her to know that life will go on after transition, that its possible to be both out as trans but living as female, and that transition does fix, for some, the incessant mental niggling that transness is. On the other hand, those very same trans women often mention ex-wives, or the times when they get to see their kids; often they drop other clues that there was a happy marriage in their past that is no longer. Its come to the point where we dont need to ask if transition caused the end of the marriage. In some cases, its the only loss the trans women regret; many still love their former wives deeply.
We dont know if anything will convince Betty one way or the other that transition is right or wrong for her, to say definitively I am not transition path or to take the first steps toward living full-time as a woman. Right now she is at a crossroads, out as trans with a significant female life but physically able to be male if and when she needs to be. We have tried to stop thinking about whether she is male or female and instead have focused on her being her and me being me, leaving the gender labels out of it. It may seem impossible not to know what someones gender is, but it is amazing how far you can get by simply deciding that thats one question you wont allow yourselves to ask. So far its working, as we simultaneously plan for a future where she does transition and one where she doesnt.
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