Daly John - Golf my own damn way: a real guys guide to chopping ten strokes off your score

Y ou know what? Golf and sex do have a lot in common. Maybe thats why Im such a big fan of both.

For instance, if youre taking up either golf or sex from scratch, even a halfway-good teacher is more important in the early going than a great instructional manual. So if somebody gave you your first set of golf clubs and this book as an early Christmas present, put the book on your nightstand for now and take your clubs out to the nearest golf course and sign up for some lessons.

Sex? Same deal, only the golf course may not be the best place to find a good teacher.

Another thing: Dont count on getting much good at either golf or sex unless youre willing to practice, practice, practice. You gotta want it, you know what I mean?

Anyway, I came across these words of wisdom from Mr. Demaret in a little deal called Golf Quips 2008 , a kind of day calendar in a plastic box with a different golf saying for every day of the year.

I dont need to tell you that golf has more gadgets, doodads, paraphernalia, and toys than all the other sports put together. Dont believe it? Check out the gifts display at any department store or sporting goods store the month before Christmas or the week before Fathers Day. See what Im saying?

Like the other guys on the PGA Tour, Im always getting stuff sent to me from this or that outfit wanting me to endorse it or mention it or wear it or whatever. Most of its junk, but every now and then something comes along that catches my eye.

Thats how I came upon Mr. Demarets words of wisdom. For all I know, there might be dozens of other golf calendars out there every Christmas season. Good stocking stuffers for the golfers on your gift list, I guess, but not exactly something you absolutely must have to make it from one January 1 through the next December 31. Anyway, I was about to pitch this particular one when the quotation up top from the old golfer Jimmy Demaret jumped out at meliterally. (I dropped the little plastic box, and February 22 flipped over by my foot. Honest.)

Now, Id heard of the man, but Id never seen him play or anything, so I asked around about him. I mean, any guy who said anything so smart about golf and sex has got to be worth knowing a little about, right?

Well, it turns out that this Jimmy Demaret was quite a guy. Very colorful. Flashy dresser. Used to play a lot of golf with Bob Hope and Bing Crosby out in California. But most important, Demaret won 31 times on the PGA Tour, including three Masters titles. You know how many other guys have won as many as three green jackets since 1934, when the little spring meeting in Augusta, Georgia, first began?

Six.

You may have heard of some of them: Jack Nicklaus (6), Arnold Palmer (4), Tiger Woods (4 and counting), Nick Faldo (3), Gary Player (3), and Sam Snead (3).

Pretty good company, dont you think? Now, you certainly got to figure Mr. Demaret knew what he was talking about when it came to golf, so Im giving him credit for knowing a thing or two about sex as well.

Words to live by, if you ask me: Golf and Sex, the only things you can have fun doing without being any good at.

But you know, right on as that is, it doesnt mean you ought to stop trying to get better at both.

Y ouve got a 2:00 tee time. Its coming up on 1:30. You and your playing partners have just finished a nice lunch in the clubhouse. Youre all relaxed, and youre all looking forward to your round, but everybody agrees youve got just enough time for one more beer before you tee em high and let em fly.

Okay, read my lips: No!

You read them right: I said No , as in No One for the Road.

Whats that he said? John Daly telling us not to have another round of beers? Whats wrong with this picture? Has he given up beer or something?

The answers to your four questions are You Heard Me Right, Yes, Nothing, and Hell, No.

Look, the Lion hasnt gone and changed his spots or cut off his mane or anything. Its just that were supposed to be talking here about the best way to knock 5 to 10 strokes off your score so you can enjoy the game of golf a bunch more, not how to drink a bunch more beer. Im guessing we both know how to do that. So trust me and follow my thinking here.

See, I think that the best way to knock a stroke or twomaybe moreoff your score on the first four holes alone is to spend the 30 minutes before your tee time down at the range getting ready to play instead of back up at the clubhouse or over in your cart knocking down beers.

Its simple, really. Therell be plenty of time for beers later, but the time to knock a stroke or two off your combined scores on the first four holes is right now. You heard right: Im saying you can lose a stroke or two on your first four holes by spending half an hour or so down at the range before you tee off.

Help me out here. Think back on the last five rounds you played with no time spent at the range. (Most amateurs I know, that would be the last five rounds they played.) You know, times you were still in the parking lot tying your shoes when the starter called out for the next groupyou and your buddiesto stand by near the first tee. Or the times you were hustling over from the clubhouse at five minutes before 2:00.

Dont pretend you dont know what Im talking about. Traffic was heavy, or you had some damned-fool honey-do chore to finish at home, or some other good excuse. Or you just had to have you that wedge of pie and coffeeor beerin the clubhouse.

Whatever, you got to the first tee with only just enough time to swing your driver as hard as you could about ten times to loosen up. (Youre doggone lucky you didnt pop a pucker string or something.)

Next thing you know, youre up on the tee box, telling yourself to relax and swing nice and easy. You stare long and hard down the middle of the fairway, trying to visualize your shot like all the golf magazines tell you to do. Then you give the Big Dog a pro-quality waggle, suck in a deep breath, and take a mighty rip at the ball.

Duck-hook, OB. First-hole mulligan? Sure, you betcha. Next, on what the cranky old USGA says is your third shot, you hit a dying quail about 200 yards into the thick gunch on the far right. You go down and find it (if youre lucky) and hack it out about 50 yards. Next you skull a worm-burner to about 75 yards short of the green, smooth a soft wedge to about 20 feet (Great shot, partner!), and 3-putt because youre still so pissed off about that fiasco off the tee.

Lets see now, one, twookay, well put you down for a 7.

Triple bogey, with your mulligan.

Or a big fat 9Snowman with a Top Hatif some ass-hole in your foursome insists that you play by the Rules of Golf.

Shit, either way your day is done, scoring-wise, before you can even make it over to number 2 tee box.

Sound familiar? I bet it does. Maybe its not that bad all the time. (If its worse, dont tell me.) But when it is, I dont need to tell you that it puts you into a hole you never crawl out of. More likely, you dig yourself even deeper over the next three holes.

So lets go back now, and you tote up your scores on the first four holes of the last five rounds without any time at all, or hardly any, at the range before teeing off. Go ahead. Ill wait.