McMenamin - When a Woman Inspires Her Husband

Cindi McMenamin

HARVEST HOUSE PUBLISHERS

EUGENE, OREGON

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Verses marked NLT are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright 1996, 2004. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, IL 60189 USA. All rights reserved.

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Cover by Left Coast Design, Portland, Oregon

Cover photo iStockphoto / LindaYolanda

WHEN A WOMAN INSPIRES HER HUSBAND

Copyright 2011 by Cindi McMenamin
Published by Harvest House Publishers
Eugene, Oregon 97402
www.harvesthousepublishers.com

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
McMenamin, Cindi, 1965
When a woman inspires her husband / Cindi McMenamin.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references.
ISBN 978-0-7369-2948-6 (pbk.)
ISBN 978-0-7369-4212-6 (eBook)
1. WivesReligious life. 2. HusbandsPsychology. 3. MarriageReligious aspectsChristianity. 4. Man-woman relationshipsReligious aspectsChristianity. I. Title.
BV4528.15.M46 2011
248.844dc22

2011008668

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, digital, photocopy, recording, or any otherexcept for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher.

Printed in the United States of America

11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 / VP-NI / 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

This book is for my husband, Hugh.
You are the reason Ive been able to live my dreams.
Now I want to spend the rest of our days
helping you reach yours.

M y friend, thank you for wanting to know your man deeply. It thrills my heart that you have a desire to understand and affirm the man in your life. Here are some closing words of encouragement:

We have the capacity for deep emotional experiences and can seem like a complicated and mixed bag of thoughts and feelings. We spend long hours taking care of our families and will fiercely defend and protect our children if we have to. We can multitask at work or at home when the situation calls for it, and we will sacrifice almost anything and everything to secure a good future for our children. We carry the pain when we see our family struggling or when a son or daughter is in trouble, and we lose sleep at night worrying about their decisions. We wrestle with the question of whether or not weve lived up to our spouses expectations. We struggle with the fear that well let them down or disappoint them or our children somehow. And we need and desire real intimacy with others.

Thats right, Cindi. We women are so much like that, you may be saying. But Im not talking about women hererather, its my husband, Hugh, speaking about men! Hugh continues:

Its been said that men and women are from two completely different planets. But the fact is were made from the same stuff (see Genesis 2:21-23), making us more alike than maybe wed care to admit. The truth of the matter is that men are not from Mars and women are not from Venus. Men are from Earth, created from the dust of the ground in a Middle Eastern garden called Eden. And women are taken from the very flesh and bone of men.

I (Cindi) asked Hugh to give you a closing send-off to encourage your hearts. And I hope you are as encouraged as I am to remember that weboth male and femaleare made in Gods image, and that with His help, we can mirror His heart and attributes. As Scripture says, the first wife was taken from the side of her husband.

And you, in marriage, are brought to the side of your husband. Stay there. Live there. Walk alongside him and encourage him. You are the only woman on earth who has been given the privilege of helping, affirming, and inspiring him as a wife. So do what only you can do, pleasing God and touching your husbands soul. And do it well!

Helper by Design: Gods Perfect Plan for Women in Marriage by Elyse Fitzpatrick (Chicago: Moody, 2003).

The Husband Project: 21 Days of Loving Your ManOn Purpose and with a Plan by Kathi Lipp (Eugene, OR: Harvest House, 2009).

Sacred Influence: How God Uses Wives to Shape the Souls of Their Husbands by Gary Thomas (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2006).

Romancing Your Husband: Enjoying a Passionate Life Together by Debra White Smith (Eugene, OR: Harvest House Publishers, 2002).

How to Get Your Husband to Talk to You by Nancy Cobb and Connie Grigsby (Sisters, OR: Multnomah, 2001).

6 Secrets to a Lasting Love by Dr. Gary and Barbara Rosberg (Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale, 2006).

Cinderella Meets the Caveman by Dr. David E. Clarke (Eugene, OR: Harvest House, 2007).

The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman (Chicago: Northfield, 1995).

I learned early on in my marriage that even though my husband loved me, he didnt have the neednor the desireto spend every waking moment with me. And the times he has needed his space have been more about him needing space from other things, and not me.

Men often desire space (or veg time, as Hugh calls it) to escape the pressures of work, to get a little exercise if theyve been holed up in an office too long, to process something that is weighing heavily on them mentally, or to get outdoors and breathe some fresh air.

I need a few minutes each evening to have some calm and quiet, my brother Dan told me. Dan has been married nearly 20 years, has a stressful government job, and has two children in middle school. My wife can be right there with meits not her I need the break from. I just need to mentally escape the pressures of my job. I can escape into the bathtub, but can just as easily sit with my wife on the couch and read or watch TV or do something that doesnt require much thought or action.

Its when we push our husbands to talk, or ask them to share their day with us, or we give them a to do list that they may end up desiring some space from us.

I asked other husbands to tell me what their wives can do (or what theyd love for their wives to do) when it comes to giving them space or helping them decompress when theyre feeling like they need space.

My wife can help me most by learning to sense when Im stressed and knowing I need those times to just unwind, Hank said. I want her to understand that my veg time doesnt mean I dont like being around her or anyone else. It just means I need time for a bit of solitude.

Mike said, If my wife can wait until at least thirty minutes after I have returned from work to tell me about the next project or item that needs my attention, that would really help provide me with the space I need.