Sparks Kerry - Hello, my name is Pabst: baby names for nonconformist, indie, geeky, DIY, hipster, and alterna-parents of every kind

Copyright 2012 by Miek Bruno and Kerry Sparks

All rights reserved.

Published in the United States by Three Rivers Press, an imprint of the Crown Publishing Group, a division of Random House, Inc., New York.
www.threeriverspress.com
www.crownpublishing.com

Three Rivers Press and the Tugboat design are registered trademarks of Random House, Inc.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Bruno, Miek.
Hello, my name is Pabst / Miek Bruno and Kerry Sparks
p. cm.
1. Names, Personal. I. Sparks, Kerry. II. Title.
CS2377.B76 2012
929.4dc23 2012012859

eISBN: 978-0-7704-3594-3

BOOK DESIGN BY ELINA D. NUDELMAN
COVER DESIGN BY JESSIE BRIGHT

v3.1

TO MOM, DAD, AND RICK, FOR GIVING ME MY NAME

Kerry

TO MOM AND DADEVEN THOUGH I CHANGED THE NAME YOU GAVE MEFOR GIVING ME SO MANY OTHER THINGS

Miek

Its just a perfect day: Youre sitting in the park, sipping a Stumptown soy latte and reading the latest issue of Utne Reader as your little one bounces around on the jungle gym. The sun is shining, theres not a cloud in the sky, and a busker is playing Lou Reed tunes on a saw in the backgroundbut far enough away to enjoy without being annoyed. Eventually its time for your childs weekly knitting class, so you put your magazine away into your Rough Trade tote bag and wait for the busker to finish his song so you can holler to your child and make all the other parents jealous of what an awesome name you picked out.

But then the record scratches, the busker hits the wrong high note, and another father hollers to his child instead, Gravel, time for your artisanal-baking playdate with Petunia and Zazzle! Gravel? Artisanal baking?? Damn, thats cool. How could this happen? How could someone else be a cooler parent than you ? You dejectedly mutter your kids name and usher him off the playground.

Sound familiar? Yeah, we had that nightmare, too, and we want to help. So...

Hello, welcome to our book. If you are looking for the perfect funky name for your little tyke, are looking to add pizazz to your own name, or just love to read name books, Hello, My Name Is Pabst has something for all you indie, geeky, DIY, hipster nonconformists out there. Want your babys name to be the envy of flannel-wearing, cheap beerdrinking, leg-warmer-clad, ping-pong-playing zombies everywhere? Read on.

First, choosing a name for your kid sucks. How do you pick just one? How do you name someone youve never met? What if he has an outie belly button? Your kid is going to have to live with that name for the rest of his life, hear or say it a dozen times or more per day, write it down in e-mails, read it in e-mails, maybe even have it plastered on the side of his own food truck one day. And then when he dies itll be carved into some granite gravestone for centuries to come, where all of his fans will make pilgrimages and leave lipstick kisses and bottles of whiskey, because even though you didnt succeed at becoming a rock god, classic author, and/or the next Warhol, your kid will, youre sure of it.

On top of that, people are coming up with the most awesome friggin names these days. It seems every month we get an announcement with news that another friend has just one-upped the last with an even cooler name: Haze, Indiana, Tree, Gant, Minnow.... It kinda makes you want to just drop being indie altogether, move back to the suburbs, and name your kid Jacob or Emma like everyone else out there. But youre too poor to keep up with the suburbs, and you look awful in khaki anyway, so you really dont have a choice.

Were here to save you. We see this book as the remedy to the damn, I wish Id thought of that pang you get every time one of your friends, Facebook friends, or second circle news feed Facebook friends scores an awesome, heretofore-unheard-of name. Obviously, all the cool kids are having fun with baby names, so cmon, just try it.

Picking the right unconventional name, whether youre looking for something strong (Hercules, Jett, Hammer), unique (Jazz, Tink, Biv), or happy-go-lucky (Lindy, Felix, Percy), can be quite enjoyable. The more you play with different options and start looking in familiar places for unfamiliar names, the more likely you are to find a fit that is just right for your new addition. This is something you get to do only a few times in life, if that, so have some fun, get creative, and, whatever you do, dont tell your parents what youve chosen until the baby is born, the birth certificate is filed, and the baby is actually in the same room so you can tell them to stop screaming at youtheyre disturbing the baby .

The goal of this book is not to just give numerous name examples, with alphabetized and gendered list after exhaustive list of names to choose from. Weve looked at those books, and we know that youre in such a numb trance by the time you get to the letter B that youll name your kid anything just to get it over with. (TRUE FACT: This is why there are so many Brians and Brianas in the world.)that theres no better mold-breaking name than one from your own imagination. So in each category well suggest enough names in the spirit of that category to get your brain working and hope that it will inspire you to find the right one for yourself. The direct connection wont always be immediately obvious (of course surely you will always get it), but it is often simply evocative of that category. Sometimes we split each category into different groupings, ranging from more classic ones that we think are still cool to more outrageous ones that take a bit of bravery to go along with. Other times we split them up according to different subcategories within the category, and other times we dont separate them at all, or just pull out the more outrageous ones at the end. Cmon, it wouldnt be a nonconformist baby name book if we actually stuck to one structure, would it? Whatever your passion is, were certain theres a great name to be found in it that will hold a special meaning for you and doesnt just slip into the blur of all the other kids in the class.

TIPSTER: Hey look at me, Im a tipster. Im like a tip, but for hipsters. Get it? Ill occasionally pop up throughout to offer strategies to use and places to search for snazzy names. And sometimes Ill just point out an alternative to a particular category or point you in the right direction. Okay, bye for now.

You are clearly a unique soul, so of course your offspring will be, as well. If you picked up this book, were assuming youve already decided to choose a name that is a bit reflective of this, and youre totally not interested in naming your child Tom or Stephen or Mary or Jennifer. Okay, so maybe your annoying childless friend gave it to you as a gag gift at your baby shower, and youve already decided on Audrey or Maxwell for your little precious. Why are you even reading this then? Secretly itching for something a bit wackier?