Donna Van Natten - Body Language for Women

Copyright 2021 by Donna Van Natten

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available on file.

Cover design by Tom Lau

Cover photo credits: Getty Images

Print ISBN: 978-1-5107-5121-7

Ebook ISBN: 978-1-5107-5123-1

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

Foreword

Imagine a world where everyone has the limitless ability to achieve their dreams. A world with abundant resources, where struggle and strife dissipate as fast as a mere thought. Many think that this majestic existence is achieved through the accumulation of material possessions and wealth. However, self-aware and emotionally intelligent individuals who are the inspirational leaders in all walks of life know the secretbuilding healthy and happy relationships. Almost anyone can be taught a skill, but it is those who can form relationships that can bring their skills, expertise, and ideas to the world. Not just for their own success and prosperity, but also for the good of others.

Strong, healthy relationships are the key to success in every aspect of life. We are genetically and biologically coded to act in terms of safety, security, and prosperity for ourselves and our families. As well, we all have insecurities. Our insecurities are founded in the fear of not being accepted and valued by those around us. This book provides a deep understanding of these doubts and the tools that allow us to capitalize on our strengths and overcome these challenges.

As the retired Chief of the FBI Counterintelligence Behavioral Analysis Program, and an author of books on the subject of trust, my experience has taught me that decoding nonverbal behavior, building confident expectations, and inspiring healthy relationships is the key to prosperity. Donnas book provides you with the tools to help you learn these skills. Donna not only exudes high energy, commitment, and expertise to her craft, but she adds a unique view, or context, that many experts overlook. Donnas book not only focusses on the nonverbal behavior of women, but also their self-image. Self-image is a critical component for understanding and communicating effectively with anyone.

This book is perfect for women who want to be able to understand more deeply how self-image begins from childhood experiences, including culture and social media impact. The challenges that many women face regarding their own self-image and how this impacts their daily interactions and communication are illuminating. The book is a handy tool to help enhance all relationshipswhether personal or professional.

This is not a typical book about nonverbal behavior, but it is a deep look inside the minds of women attempting to navigate our complicated world of relationships while, at the same time, battling themselves and their own self-images. Donna is a master at looking at nonverbal behavior and gives us insight into how to assess others to determine their needs, wants, desires, intentions, and fears. Once you understand that and you establish trust, healthy, strong relationships quickly follow.

People want to be appreciated, they want to be cared for, loved, trusted, and respected, but they also want to be understood. If you master the skills to achieve that, you truly become exceptional. You become one of those people we read about who is well-respected, well-liked, and sought after. That is the power of interpreting nonverbal behavior for the purpose of building relationships, as Donna articulates.

Donnas lifetime of study and practical experience as a coach, teacher, trainer, and mentor has provided her the tools, strategies, and secrets to working with others and establishing trust. These skills, practiced by a knowledgeable few in high-stakes situations, will certainly work for you in your daily life. Written in a very practical style, full of examples and anecdotes, Body Language for Women is a book for anyone who is interested in understanding themselvesand, more importantly, understanding others.

The content illuminates the reader in areas that some term the elusive obvious. The information and concepts make so much sense; yet, they have never been articulated in such an easy and logical way that its almost embarrassing you didnt think of it before. Whatever your role in this world, this book will provide you with the deeper understanding and insight you need to create stronger and healthier relationships in all aspects of your life.

Robin Dreeke

FBI Special Agent (Retired)

Author of The Code of Trust and Sizing People Up

CHAPTER 1

What You are Saying with Your Body

We, as women, spend countless hours trying to perfect our physical bodies and mental mindsets. Beyond this, we must also know what subtle, unconscious, and powerful messages our bodies send and receive.

The advice we always hear is, Dont judge a book by its cover. And yet, we do.

Lets face it: we like to think that how we carry ourselves, look, and behave are secondary to how smart we are, who we know, and our job titles. Some even claim that they just dont care what other people think about them. On the contrary, all of the research on the subject of people, relationships, and communication says that presentation does matter. And we do judge each other based on a set of specific human behavior characteristics. Even the fact that you are reading this book says that you do care and believe that these traits matter.

This is not necessarily a bad thing, as appearance characteristics give us a lot of information about other people. Their clothing style, how they groom their hair, their smell, and other appearance-based traits all provide us with valuable information. Much of nonverbal communication operates automatically and often outside of awareness, according to the experts. But the complex intersections of gender, culture, biology, situation, and individual means that our communication is both complex and often predictable. As well, appearance can also be strategically modified to create desired impressions (Patterson, 2017).

Nonverbal communication sparkles and inspires, per Friedmans 2019 extensive review of the literature on this important field of study. He notes that basic emotions theory has a wide range of components crossing psychology, language, culture, social conditions, and emotions. Specifically, behavioral ecology depends on nonverbal cues in social situations. Basically, our navigation of our world relies on interpreting body language.

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