Julius Fast - Body Language

Julius Fast

Acknowledgments

The author would like to express his appreciation to the following for their help in preparing this book: Dr. Arnold Buchheimer, Psychologist and Professor of Education at the City University of New York; Dr. Albert E. Scheflen, Professor of Psychiatry at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine; Michael Wolff, Doctoral candidate in Social Psychology, City University of New York; Jean Linden, Research Associate, Interscience Information, Inc.

This book is gratefully dedicated to all the passengers of the second car in the Independent Subways F train, eastbound from Fifth Avenue at 5:22 P.M.

The Body Is the Message

A Science Called Kinesics

Within the last few years a new and exciting science has been uncovered and explored. It is called body language. Both its written form and the scientific study of it have been labeled kinesics. Body language and kinesics are based on the behavioral patterns of nonverbal communication, but kinesics is still so new as a science that its authorities can be counted on the fingers of one hand.

Clinical studies have revealed the extent to which body language can actually contradict verbal communications. A classic example is the young woman who told her psychiatrist that she loved her boyfriend very much while nodding her head from side to side in subconscious denial.

Body language has also shed new light on the dynamics of interfamily relationships. A family sitting together, for example, can give a revealing picture of itself simply by the way its members move their arms and legs. If the mother crosses her legs first and the rest of the family then follows suit, she has set the lead for the family action, though she, as well as the rest of the family, may not be aware she is doing it. In fact her words may deny her leadership as she asks her husband or children for advice. But the unspoken, follow-the-leader clue in her action gives the family setup away to someone knowledgeable in kinesics.

A New Signal from the Unconscious

Dr. Edward H. Hess told a recent convention of the American College of Medical Hypnotists of a newly discovered kinesic signal. This is the unconscious widening of the pupil when the eye sees something pleasant. On a useful plane, this can be of help in a poker game if the player is in the know. When his opponents pupils widen, he can be sure that his opponent is holding a good hand. The player may not even be conscious of his ability to read this sign, any more than the other person is conscious of telegraphing his own luck.

Dr. Hess has found that the pupil of a normal mans eye becomes twice as large when he sees a picture of a nude woman.

On a commercial level, Dr. Hess cites the use of this new kinesic principle to detect the effect of an advertising commercial on television. While the commercial is being shown to a select audience, the eyes of the audience are photographed. The film is then later carefully studied to detect just when there is any widening of the eye; in other words, when there is any unconscious, pleasant response to the commercial.

Body language can include any non-reflexive or reflexive movement of a part, or all of the body, used by a person to communicate an emotional message to the outside world.

To understand this unspoken body language, kinesics experts often have to take into consideration cultural differences and environmental differences. The average man, unschooled in cultural nuances of body language, often misinterprets what he sees.

How to Tell the Girls Apart

Allen was a small-town boy who had come to visit Ted in the big city. One night, on his way to Teds apartment and a big cocktail party, Allen saw a lovely young brunette walk across the street ahead of him and then start up the block. Allen followed her, marveling at the explicit quality of her walk. If ever Allen had seen a nonverbal message transmitted, this was it!

He followed her for a block, realizing that the girl was aware of him, and realizing too that her walk didnt change. Allen was sure this was a come-on.

Finally, at a red light, Allen summoned up his courage and catching up to the girl, gave her his pleasantest smile and said, Hello.

To his amazement she turned a furious face to him and through clenched teeth said, If you dont leave me alone Ill call a cop. Then as the light changed, she churned off.

Allen was stunned and scarlet with embarrassment. He hurried on to Teds apartment where the party was in progress. While Ted poured him a drink he told him the story and Ted laughed. Boy, you got the wrong number.

But, hell, Tedno girl at home would walk like that unlessunless she was asking for it.

This is a Spanish-speaking neighborhood. Most of the girlsdespite outward appearancesare very good girls, Ted explained.

What Allen didnt understand is that in a culture, such as that of many Spanish-speaking countries, in which girls are chaperoned and there are strict codes of social behavior, a young girl can safely flaunt her sexuality without fear of inviting trouble. In fact, the walk that Allen took as a come-on would be considered only natural, and the erect, rigid posture of a proper American woman would probably be considered graceless and unnatural.

Allen circulated through the party and slowly forgot his humiliation.

As the party was breaking up, Ted cornered him and asked, See anything you like?

That Janet, Allen sighed. Man, I could really go for that

Well, swell. Ask her to stay. Margies staying too, and well have dinner.

I dont know. Shes justlike I couldnt get to first base with her.

Youre kidding.

No. Shes had the hands off sign out all evening.

But Janet likes you. She told me.

But Bewildered, Allen said, Then why is she sosoI dont know, she just looks as if she didnt want me to lay a finger on her.

Thats Janets way. You just didnt get the right message.

Ill never understand this city, Allen said still bewildered, but happy.

As Allen found out, in Latin countries girls may telegraph a message of open sexual flirtation, and yet be so well chaperoned that any sort of physical pass is almost impossible. In countries where the chaperoning is looser, the girl will build her own defenses by a series of nonverbal messages that spell out hands off. When the situation is such that a man cannot, within the rules of the culture, approach a strange girl on the street, a girl can move loosely and freely. In a city such as New York where a girl can expect almost anything, especially at a cocktail party, she learns to send out a message saying hands off. To do this she will stand rigidly, cross her legs demurely when sitting, cross her arms over her breasts, and use other such defensive gestures.

The point is that for every situation there must be two elements to body language, the delivery of the message and the reception of the message. Had Allen been able to receive the messages correctly in terms of the big city he would have been spared the embarrassment of one encounter and could have avoided much of the uncertainty of the other.

To Touch or Not to Touch

Body language, in addition to sending and receiving messages, if understood and used adroitly can also serve to break through defenses. A businessman who was trying a bit too hard to wind up a very profitable deal found that he had misread the signs.

It was a deal, he told me, that would have been profitable not only to me but to Tom as well. Tom was in Salt Lake City from Bountiful, which isnt far away geographically, but is miles away culturally. Its a damned small town, and Tom was sure that everyone in the big city was out to take him. I think that deep down he was convinced that the deal was right for both of us, but he just couldnt trust my approach. I was the big city businessman, way up there, wheeling and dealing, and he was the small-time boy about to get rooked.