Michael Draper - Body Language Mastery (How to Analyze People 2)

Body language is the way we communicate nonverbally with our bodies. That definition may be misleading because generally body language is not taken to include overt hand gestures like the raising of a thumb or middle finger, or the use of sign language those kinds of bodily gestures are in a way still verbal and direct. Body language is generally taken to be the subtle unintentional or indirect aspects of communicating with our body, even a thumbs-up can be taken as sarcastic given the right kind of smirk. In fact even some verbal communication is regarded in the same sphere as body language because how we say things is just as important as what we way. There is a middle ground here of course pointing your finger is a direct type of communication, but it can also be unintentional and figuring out what our hands are doing is definitely central to mastering body language.

Body language is the reading of our eye movements, posture, facial expressions, and how we are moving around to determine how to interpret what we are saying, and at times when we are not speaking, to interpret what a person might be thinking or feeling. Its fine not being nervous in your speech at an interview, but if you are trembling like youre experiencing an earthquake people will know you are putting it on.

The question of whether body language is intentional or unintentional is a very difficult question to conclude an answer for. There are only a few rare opportunities to ruminate and witness what is happening not only in the conversation but what is happening outside and around you, responses happen almost instinctually and youll often find yourself saying that wasnt what I intended to say, and in those cases you may begin to deconstruct your thoughts to figure out what you were thinking at the time.

Our body language seems to have even less input from our minds than this, which has led to some speaking of a conscious and a subconscious mind. This kind of division is useful for a lot of motivational speakers because it is dramatic and simplistic; your body appears to be acting on its own accord revealing your hidden desires controlling it would be some kind of hidden secret. The reality is that this division is usually flavored with leftovers of Freudian psychology which is not taken with much credibility anymore.

For the sake of simplicity it is best to think of the mind as having the bits you are currently paying attention to, and then alongside this there is a great deal of background information and processes working behind the scenes but you can easily focus in on them and alter or change them at your will. A perfect analogy is the way a computer works, normally you would run just a few programs at a time. Certain people would like you to think that your old emails and Solitaire are plotting something against you while you are distracted but this isnt the case. Body language works as part of your conscious mind, as everything you are currently doing does so, but it is also working on certain instinctual levels and working with processes that we do not fully understand - just yet!

We often hear talk of how much of our communication is down to body language, some figures suggest that 55% of what we say is located in the regions around our nose and eyes (one famous figure suggests only 7% of communication is speech). While these figures vary a lot from source to source, and its not always entirely clear what these percentages even mean in real terms, its enough to know that a significant amount of everyday communication is nearly impossible without some type of NVC (non-verbal communication). Consider how we communicate with text messages and online chat systems, it can almost seem necessary to use smiley faces and emoticons because so much of what we say can seem misleading or angry without a mouth or face behind it. A simple question such as Are you coming to the dinner party? can sound accusatory without a friendly grin next to it. Consider also how what we say is entirely related to context, it is difficult to even think of an expression that can be said outside of a situation. Take a simple phrase like thank you, this could be seen as dismissive, disingenuous, a pleasantry, or it could be seen as something extremely heartfelt if accompanied by a hug or tears.