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ISBN: Print 978-1-64739-098-3 | eBook 978-1-64739-099-0
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THIS BOOK IS FOR MY MOTHER AND FATHER. THANK YOU. FOR ALL OF IT.
CONTENTS
W ELCOME TO Understanding Body Language ! Whether youre just discovering nonverbal communication or youre already an armchair pro, youre going to love this book. Well start with the basics and go through everything you need to know to make better decisions about the people and situations you deal with every day.
To give you a little background as to why Im so passionate about understanding human behavior, for the past 51 years Ive watched, listened, and studied what every person around me was doing. As a little kid, I wondered why people would be enamored with and drawn to one specific person, while those same people would dread to be around, or even near, another person. Why would my mom correctly have a wary feeling about someone who turned out to be bad, before she even talked to them? How could my father, a doctor, tell that a patient was lying to him just by watching them answer his questions? I think I got a pretty good handle on all of that, from the basics to the microscopic details. And since I started so early, I found it easy to explain these complicated things I was figuring out to others.
Im going to share with you the same information I teach police and military officers, doctors, nurses, mediators, CEOs, entertainers, and entrepreneurs. Of course, some of the things that I teach law enforcement and the military I cant teach you, but Ill cover as much as I can without getting us both in trouble! One thing to keep in mind as you make your way through this book is that there are no absolutes. That means there are no nonverbal cues that mean the same thing every time you see them. For example, when someones arms are crossed, it doesnt always mean they are closed off, uninterested, or not listening. They may be cold or just be more comfortable that way.
Finally, before we move forward into the next section in which we map out how to use this book, Ill leave you with one final thought to keep in mind: There are thousands of scientific studies that explain why people do what they do when presented with certain information or situations. That means the body language you see is telling you something . After reading this book, youll know what that something is.
G O AHEAD AND TURN TO ANY PAGE in this book and you will learn something. Feel free to! However, the best way to get the most out of the information presented here is to start at the beginning. I will begin slow and small, presenting you with the basics and making sure that you miss nothing. As you learn to recognize the essentials (such as the result of an emotion on someones face, like deceit, anger, or confidence), you will be able to make better decisions about that person, the situation, and how to address and/or approach them.
You will be practicing what youre learning at home. Sooner than you think, you will naturally begin recognizing cues and tells on the news, on social media, with your friends, and with your family members. You will understand how the body language youre seeing is spoken by everyone you see. Use this as your warm-up.
Part of that warm-up is being introduced to scenarios similar to those you experience in real life every day. This book has been divided into the various milestones youll reach. Right out of the gate, well focus on this warm-up period. That entails learning how to observe people properly. People dont live in a zoo, so youll learn to pay attention to what theyre doing without drawing attention to yourself. Next stop: practicing on friends and family. Before you head out into the wild, youre going to need some home-based practice time. And who better to observe in their natural habitat than your friends and family?
Our journey into the bowels of human behavior will continue as we suit up for our deep dive into the good stuff, also known as decoding the hidden messages of dating. Is your date going well or is it headed for the dumpster? Are there key indicators that suggest deceit when your friend claims to have had coffee with a movie star this morning at Starbucks? What parts of the nonverbal breakdown of your date are similar to the situation with your friend? Is it a facial expression? Tone of voice? Something their shoulder did? You will soon recognize how similar each interaction you have is to all the others.
W HATS THE REASON for your decision to learn about body language? Do you want to spot lies on true-crime shows? Do you want to understand the nonverbals of the dating scene a little better? Maybe you want to know which politician is actually telling the truth. Maybe youre an entrepreneur who has a pitch coming up and you want to use every tool you can possibly find to help you secure that investment. Or maybe people just fascinate you and you want to learn more about how and why they behave the way they do. Whatever the reason, this chapter is the place to begin.