Cynthia W. Gentry - What Men Really Want In Bed

The Surprising Secrets Men Wish
Women Knew about Sex

CYNTHIA W. GENTRY AND NIMA BADIEY

to Cameron

Ask Them! (We Did.)

Take a quick glance at the sex instruction section of any bookstore. Youll find that most of the books are written by women, many of whom have advanced degrees. Youll find advice on everything from how to perform mind-blowing fellatio to how to have an orgasm in less than five minutes. Read my book, these experts promise, and youll be ready to give any guy the night of his life. One popular book even guarantees several hundred advanced techniques for driving a man wild in bed. (We think wed be exhausted after five techniques, much less several hundred, but thats us.)

HE SAYS

Hi, this is Nima, your copilot on this journey. Im the talking head in this book, occasionally popping up to add a few little nuggets of specifically male wisdom. Since Im the guy in this relationship, none of my answers will be based on survey data or quantifiable fact, just my own totally biased and usually incorrect opinions. But hey, thats me the guy.

But in all these rows of books, theres one voice missing. An actual guys.

Getting frank advice from other womenwhether or not theyre expertsis fine. But what does your average, lusty, non-Ph.D.-toting man want in bed? Does he really need hundreds of advanced techniques, or does he just want you to show up wearing nothing but a smile? With this book, we set out to answer those questions. We wanted to finally give men a chance to share their real sexual likes and dislikes. Who better than a man to discuss his own sexuality? The idea came out of Cynthias experience writing The Bedside Orgasm Book. As part of her research for the book, she e-mailed several male friends and asked them to share the most exciting thing that a lover had ever done for them in bed. She also asked them how their partners made them feel special and appreciated. Their candid answers showed her that theres an untapped reservoir of information lying in bed next to us womenwere often just too shy, or even too uncomfortable, to ask. Or we might even be too comfortable with our partner. In a long-term relationship, its all too easy to get complacent and forget to check in with each other once in a while.

So, for this book, we broadened our net. Using the site Zoomerang.com, we created an online survey that asked guys to talk about what they wish their wives and girl-friends knew about seduction, foreplay, oral sex, masturbation, intercourse, sexual positions, body image, and more.

A few caveats before we go any further. This was not a scientific survey by any stretch of the imagination. Neither of us are sociologists or even scientists (unless you count Nimas background in mechanical engineering, which does, come to think of it, concern how things fit together). The Kinseys, were not. Were just average people who have an above-average curiosity about sex. We asked the questions to which we wanted to know the answers.

We sent the survey to as many guys as we knew, and encouraged them to forward it to their friends. We also sent the survey to several dozen women, asking them to forward it to their husbands, boyfriends, and male friends. In the end, the survey reached nearly 300 men all over the United States, and some in other parts of the world as well. They ranged in age from 23 to 64. They were students, architects, electricians, political activists, scientists, and nurses. But we didnt ask for more demographic information than that, so theres no way to compare a Californians opinion about oral sex to a Frenchmans. Some men chose to respond anonymously; others created pseudonyms; still others had no problem responding with their own names.

Their answers gave us a fascinating glimpse into the male psyche. Sometimes, we were surprised. We wouldnt have guessed, for instance, that men would rate buttocks over breasts as the sexiest part of a womans anatomy. Other results confirmed what we already suspected: That most men are nice human beings (duh) who really do want their partners to enjoy themselves during sexand who will do what it takes to ensure that they do. In return, all they ask is that you show a little enthusiasm. And that you tell them what you want, instead of expecting them to read your mind.

Writing this book confirmed our belief that most of our relationship problems could be solved if we just talked to our partners, instead of taking polls of our friends or comparing ourselves to the people we read about in magazines. We hope that What Men Really Want in Bed will start that conversation, and get women and their lovers talking to each other.

Seduction is better than orgasm.

George, 50, attorney

Maybe youve just laid eyes on each other across a crowded room. Maybe its your third date. Maybe youre married! Wherever you are in your relationship, how do you know if hes interested in getting you into bed (hint: he probably is), or just flirting? And how do you show him you want to get frisky, whether hes your husband glued to his computer, or that sexy guy you just met?

We asked guys what they wish women knew about the, age-old art of seductionwhat they wish women knew about how men try to get them into bed. But we also asked them how they like to be seduced. Because, as we found out, men love it when you make the moves. And as more than one man pointed out to us, seduction is a two-way street!

If you think men enjoy seduction, youre right. And then some. Heres what our survey told us:

TIP #1: Men (well, almost all men) are always trying to seduce you

Most men think about sex constantly. That means that if theyre attracted to you, theyre probably trying to get you into bed (take it as a compliment), and theyll try almost any means to do it.

It doesnt mean theyre bad people. It just means theyre horny.

Men always want to have sex, says Randy, a 45-year-old teacher. If they show any signs of attraction or interestor lack of clear disinteresttheyre trying to get you into bed.

Some men were even blunter: If Im being really nice, I want to sleep with you, states Rob, 45, a self-employed consultant.

Morgan, a 27-year-old financial analyst, agrees. Know that almost any interaction whatsoever is designed to get you into bed, he says, and at some level, you should understand this. Only one guy in 1,000 really wants to take you home to talk.

Keep that in the back of your mind next time some man bares his soul to you. Any straight man speaking glibly about his emotions is trying to seduce you, says Simon, 36, a software programmer. (Note the word glib. Men arent, as a rule, brought up to discuss their emotions, so if he starts opening up to you after youve known each other a while, thats probably a good sign. But if its the first date, wed recommend considering that a flashing yellow light.)

Dont think that hes going to wait until the sun goes down to make his moves. Asking you to lunch or a casual cup of coffee is actually an invitation for afternoon sex, says Rob, a 36-year-old sales manager.