Dan Savage - Savage Love from A to Z: Advice on Sex and Relationships, Dating and Mating, Exes and Extras

Savage Love debuted thirty years ago in the quaint seaport town of Seattle, at a time when there were few places people could find compassionate, fearless answers to their (sometimes fearful) questions about sex. Feeling no need to be politically correct, Dan asked readers to address their letters Hey, Faggot, and early columns were sassy and sarcastic (some things never change). Thousands of readers were drawn in by the kinkier corners of the human psyche on display, but among the hot stuff they also found specific, practical advice about sex and relationships. Cant ask Ann? Ask Dan.

When the fleeing Puritans landed in the Americas, they brought their own forms of religious persecution, and high on their list of things to persecute was sexual behavior. Those beliefs have a long tail. Over the years and centuries, Americans have frequently confused sexuality with immorality. The land of the free has, in this respect, often been the land of the closeted, shamed, and sometimes murdered. How can you be good in a culture where your sexual choices are considered bad? Savage Love has helped define both public and private conversations around sex and intimacy. You can behave well, no matter where your fist is.

Dan wants to make the hard questions easier, and his advice can extend outside the bedroom into other areas of your life: Use your words. Ask. Answer when asked. Say yes or no. The truth will set you freeexcept when a lie is the least worst option (see ).

Over time, the column has become more thoughtful (no more Hey, Faggot) and is often less about sex and more about navigating relationships (which admittedly may not sound very sexy). But getting what you want or need with open dialogue and shared pleasurethats deep satisfaction.

Ive illustrated Savage Love for twenty of its thirty years. The column has evolved, and so has my approach to illustrating it. My biggest breakthrough was realizing a weeks column was really about personal responsibility. So I drew a dog picking up its own poop, and added A is for Accountability. From this concept, Savage Love from A to Z was born. Structured like a childrens primer but for adult eyes only, this collection of essays covers everything from Anal to Zoophilia and everything in between. Some of Dans signature advice and phrases are coveredGGG, anyone?and he takes on classic and current topics, all with the sex-positive insight and frank talk his legions of fans expect and love.

Here you have it: thirty years of Dans accumulated wisdom distilled down to twenty-six key concepts. He pulled inspiration and quotes from letters he received over the years and the result is 100 percent Dan. Youll find that the ideas of consent, honesty, and accountability are guidelines for more than just golden showers. Theyre universal and timeless.

So have fun, and remember to learn your ABCs. They will serve you well in life and in the bedroom.

JOE NEWTON

The best way for a straight man to demonstrate to a straight woman that anal sex can be mutually pleasurablethat its not (necessarily) about dominance and degradationis to do the gentlemanly thing and let her fuck his ass first.

AUGUST 14, 2008

Anal is for everybody.

Wherever you land on the gender spectrum, whatever your preferred erotic target (men, women, both, all the others, none at all), you have an asshole, and you can put something in your ass or invite someone to put something in your ass or put something in the ass of someone who has enthusiastically consented to you putting something in their ass.

While some people endure anal sex to give pleasure to their partners, lots of peoplemen and women and non-binary people, queer and straight, trans and cislove having their asses fucked. And you dont have to have a prostate gland to enjoy anal sex; everyones asshole is rich in highly sensitive nerve endings and close enough to your genital erectile tissues that your asshole is quite literally in play when youre having intercourse, even if youve never once touched it or allowed someone to touch it. (Everyone has erectile tissues and everyone gets erectionsmale and female.)

Anal is democraticsince everybody has an asshole, anyone can do anal. While gay men are strongly associated with anal sex, not all gay men enjoy anal sex. The percentage of gay men who have anal sex is greater than the percentage of straight people who have anal sex, of course, but straight people so vastly outnumber gay people that in absolute numbersreal numbers, not percentagesthere are more straight buttfuckers/buttfuckees out there than gay buttfuckers/buttfuckees. In other words, most of the anal sex that happens on any given Saturday night involves partners of the opposite sex.