Award-winning Psycho-Sexologist Chantelle Otten - The Sex Ed You Never Had

Pubertysuch an awkward time in life! I remember feeling like my body was way out of control. It didnt belong to me. What were these boobs growing? Why did they hurt so much? And why were they covered in tiger stripes? Why were my guy friends so sweaty? Why was I so sweaty? And omg, pubic hair, underarm hair, all the hair!

A lot of us know that feeling. It was a crisis period in our lives.

But does it have to be awkward and strange? Absolutely not!

Lots of teenagers wonder if they are normal during puberty. There is a lot going on during these formative years. To ease your mind, this chapter will give you the lowdown on wtf happens during puberty. I suggest that you go through and realise how normal we all were during this stage.

Growing Up and Out

Puberty usually starts between the ages of eight and fourteen and lasts for a while (it feels like forever). Some people will start earlier or later than this age range. As a vulva owner, your body starts releasing hormones that tell it to start growing up and out. This odd stage of growth is fuelled by different hormones, which can make you feel a little out-of-control and moody sometimes. This is totally normal; I myself was a moody teenagermy parents even told me to find a new home once when I was a teen.

Now, I know a lot of people reading this book will have already gone through puberty, but Im including a section about it because I think its important to refresh everyone on what changes occurred in the body during puberty, but also so we all know about the changes that happened to those around youespecially maybe for those that are of a different sex to you. Its also great to refresh so you can support the younger people in your life who will go through puberty sometime as well. Trans people go through puberty twice, first during adolescence and second when they go through gender affirming treatment.

Puberty is the period of time when you physically become an adult. Your body goes through many changes, and so do your emotions. Though puberty generally begins between the ages of eight and fourteen, vulva owners usually enter puberty earlier than penis owners.

Puberty occurs for a few years and is fuelled by hormones, and it affects everyone differently. Hormones affect your feelings as well as your body. Your emotions may become heightened, and its super common for those in puberty to go through mood swings (my gosh, I remember it being wild). If there is anyone in your life going through puberty, remember to be compassionate as theyre probably on an emotional roller-coaster right now.

Puberty is also the time where you may start having sexual thoughts and urges. You may get crushes on people, and you may also start to get turned on and horny! Lots of people start masturbating during this time too.

There are a bunch of changes that occur during puberty that I thought Id give you a little refresher on.

Puberty changes

All people

You start to sweat more and develop body odour, which is stinky sweat. This might be a good time to start showering more and using deodorant (for the sake of the people around you!).

You may start getting pimples on your face and body. If these are bothering you, I recommend you go see a skin doctor (a dermatologist).

Hair! Hair starts to grow in your armpits and around your genitals. The hair on your genitals is called pubic hair. You may also grow more hair on your arms and legs, which may be a little bit darker than your previous arm and leg hair.

You might get what we call growing pains, which is pain in your arms and your legs as you grow.

Penis owners

Your penis and testicles get bigger.

Your voice drops (gets deeper), and it also might sound a little bit funny when it cracks sometimes. You will also get an Adams apple, which is a bump in your throat that will grow and become more visible.

You will probably get a hairy chest, face and back.

Your shoulders and chest will get bigger as well.

Half of you penis owners will also get swelling around the nipples during puberty which will usually go away after a few months.

Vulva owners

Your hips may get wider and your body may become curvier.

Your boobs will develop and get bigger.

You start menstruation (which I will cover in the next chapter).

Your labia may grow bigger and change in colour.

People with intersex variations

Remember how people who are intersex are born with biological characteristics that may include any constellation of genitalia, chromosomes and sex hormone levels? This means the experience of puberty might be different. For example, puberty might not make much sense if you think that youre a male and your body prior to puberty looked like that of a boy and youre expecting secondary male characteristics like changes to your voice and body hair but then none of that happens. What if you start developing curves instead? Or feeling cramps in your lower abdomen? This can be the experience of someone who is intersex and going through puberty in a different way to those who are not intersex. Those with androgen insensitivity syndrome and Turner syndrome might not experience all the usual parts of puberty or could go through puberty later than usual.

There are people who wont go through puberty unless they use hormone replacement therapy. Some may find out during puberty that they are intersex.

If you feel like your body is changing in ways that are different to your peers, then maybe its a good idea to go see a specialist and hopefully get some answers around what is happening for you. If you dont feel like youve come away from the doctors appointment with the answers that you need, then its best to book in with a different doctor who is more specialised in intersex experiences. Just because your body doesnt fit into the narrow ideas around gender and sex doesnt mean its wrong. Its as right as anybody elsesits just not spoken about enough. This silence and lack of education can be a very lonely place. It may help to find a group of intersex people who can share their experiences and help you feel less alone and more comfortable with these changes.

Penis talk

Penis owners can sometimes worry about what a normal penis and testicle size should be. But, like vulvas, no penises are the same, and every penis owner has their own thing going on in the length, thickness and curve departments. The only time where you might want to go see a doctor because of your penis is if it hurts or feels uncomfortable.

During puberty, the penis will start to get thicker and longer. It can take a few years for the penis to grow to its final size. Its also worth noting that when aroused some penises get much bigger while others can stay the same size.

Sometimes penis owners will feel uncomfortable or unsure about their penis size, but I want you to know that good sex is not determined by penis size or look; having a satisfying and pleasurable sex life actually is determined by you and how you use your penis, hands and mouth, and what your attitude towards pleasurable sex is. I would suggest that we embrace the size of the penis and put effort into learning to use it in creative and pleasurable ways.

Circumcision

At birth, every penis owner has a foreskin. Remember what a foreskin is? The soft skin that covers and protects the glans or head of a penis. At birth, some parents will choose to have their childs foreskin removed in a small operation called circumcision. Circumcision is often a cultural or religious choice and is viewed differently by different people. Its very common to be circumcised, and both circumcised and uncircumcised penises work the same waythey just look a little bit different.