Tom Stanfill - unReceptive: A Better Way to Sell, Lead, and Influence

2021 Tom Stanfill

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ISBN 978-1-4002-2581-1 (eBook)

ISBN 978-1-4002-2580-4 (HC)

Epub Edition July 2021 9781400225811

Library of Congress Control Number: 2021942226

Printed in Italy

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To Mom and Dad.

The genesis of this book started with you.

You taught me the most important truths in life

and the source of all truth.

For Claire and my family.

CONTENTS

I n the early 1990s, I had a simple idea that would change the trajectory of my career forever. At the time, I was working as a sales representative and observed that most salespeople spend the majority of their time doing what they enjoy least: searching for people to call. Now, this was the 90s. There was no email, we were still enamored with fax machines, and flip phones were still hot! As a seller, I understood my job was research and rejection: finding people to call and being told no, thanks with a few yeses sprinkled in here and there. Selling, in other words, was 95 percent rejection.

Since most of my peers had the same pain points as me, I started a company to remove the grueling tasks of lead generation and appointment setting. Our company made the calls and generated leads, and the sellers just had to sell. Soon, I was overseeing a hundred bright-eyed, college-aged sales reps who were doing the dirty work of making thousands of calls per month, and thats when I had an insight: people werent rejecting a product or service when they said no to a meeting; they were rejecting a sales call.

Now, these leads were vetted prospects who needed a solution to a recognized problem, but regardless of how compelling the offer was, most people quickly ended the call. Logic and truth just didnt seem to matter. In addition to running a large sales force, I was also married with four kids under the age of thirteen and noticed a similar pattern at home. When a rational argument was presented (by me, of course), I rarely heard, Oh, good point, Dad, I guess I was wrong... or Youre right, so right, my love. Lets talk about the budget this weekend and how I can cut back on my trips to TJ Maxx. I also noticed heated conversations in culture around race, religion, and politics. No matter where I lookedwhether at home, at work, or at a partyno one seemed to be influencing anyone anymore. There had to be a better way.

In my mind, communication was supposed to work like a courtroom: you made your argument, someone reviewed the facts, and civilized rules governed the debate. After hearing all the evidence, there would be a ruling, and all parties would agree on who won the debate, shaking hands and moving on. I soon realized the rules that govern a courtroom dont apply to the world I lived in.

Whether it was a pharmaceutical rep talking to a physician about a lifesaving drug or a real estate agent trying to explain the value of a home, good people were far too often closed to the truth. The traditional approach to influence, even with the best argument, often backfired, leading to a less-than-ideal outcome.

To make matters worse, the positions never changed. In fact, people often became moreentrenched in their original position after an argument. There was something fundamentally broken about the way we were communicating at home, with our friends, and at work. Over the most important topics, people were drawing battle lines that often left relationships fractured and no one persuaded of anything. I wanted to know why.

How do you get prospects to see that you can help them solve a problem that would radically improve their business?

How can you get teenagers to see that drinking and driving could kill them?

How do you help someone see they are racist or persuade an addict to get treatment or have a productive conversation with your spouse about money?

Answering these questions became my passion. I started searching out the brightest minds in behavioral psychology, looking for the answers to why emotions, not truth, seemed to drive the most important conversations. We developed a new approach and began putting it into practice, eventually building a training program based on the principles discovered. It was around this time that BlueCross contacted us.