Ariana Reines - Coeur de Lion

The other night

When I couldnt sleep

Next to you and I

Said I wanted to cry

And you said I should

And I looked down and breathed

And then I did cry

And you tried to touch me

And you did

And you tried to kiss me

And you sort of did

And I was so scared

That I love you and you dont love me

I felt stupid when I put my pants on

And I felt stupid when I put my shirt on

And I felt stupid when I went to the other room to get my book

Beware of Pity by Stefan Zweig

The preamble to which I had read to you

When I still thought we might fuck

And I felt stupid when your door

Slammed too loud behind me

But when I hit the night air

I was relieved.

You read a lot. You have a hunger.

I like it. Your hunger makes

It possible for you to see things.

You must have seen how stupid I felt

How helpless.

Women.

I dont know, Jake.

I do not understand women.

Right now I feel like one.

I dont know what women want

But I know that the ones I like

Are not the hags

Who put one arm around you

(In this scenario you

Are the younger woman)

And say You get to a point in your life.

Fuck those bitches

Who try to poison desperate girls

With their resigned and shitty worldviews.

Women. They have got to feel desire.

Me too. Ive got to feel it.

And your ex, or maybe youre back with her

I dont know, Emma. I read some of what she wrote

To you when I broke into your gmail account.

Shes charming. A little shallow maybe

But clever. Undemanding, I guess.

We are not very alike; you are sweet

And condescending when you write to

Her. It is difficult to know

Anything. I guess she seems

Lovely. She has curly

Hair like me, but in this jpeg it looks like

She puts more emollients in hers.

You call her Bunny.

Thats cute. Sometimes

When I am straddling you, you

Say this ridiculous thing, Mamma

Llama. Sometimes you whimper

And moan and pretend

To cry, you say, Oh

Ari, you make me feel

So many emotions.

I felt a lot of emotions too.

I think that I do not like the girls

Who apologize like children

If they ever act uncute.

Sometimes I apologize. I

Apologized to you. Too bad

Im not stronger. Id be worse.

Emma works at a gallery

One floor down from a gallery where

I worked like three years ago.

She is the Gallery Girl.

I know what thats about.

I was the Gallery Girl. I tried

To like it. It was important

To pretend to be interested

In being near artists and art

As though proximity were tantamount

To metonymy, which it isnt, not in real

Life. Whats metonymy

In real life. You rub up

Against something; some of its

Truth and incompleteness

Is transferred onto you;

You carry it around on

Your body. Maybe. Art. That fussed

Trite shit rich people buy.

When I worked upstairs

From where Emma works