Michelle Rapkin - Any Day with Hair Is a Good Hair Day: How to Get Through CANCER and Get On with Your Life (Trust Me, Ive Been There)

Copyright 2007 by Michelle Rapkin

All rights reserved. Except as permitted under the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

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First eBook Edition: October 2007

ISBN: 978-1-599-95089-1

This book is dedicated to Robert Steinbarger, my present from God, and Dr. David Berman, my angel and Gods instrument, and Dr. Avram Abramowitz, my other angel.

This book couldnt have been written without the many individuals who shared their own tips, tools, and information about how they fought cancer, either as patients or as those who provided care and support to loved ones diagnosed with it. Their great generosity of spirit has made this book possible.

My deepest thanks to:

Abbie Wood,the inspiration for this book

Hannah Bekritsky

Rosemary Barr

Ilana Burgess

Lubina Browning

Marian Cymbala

Catherine Credeur

Janice DuPlessis

Mary Kay Douria

JoAnn Dre

Jayne Donnelly

Lee Evans

Margaret Frederick

Nancy Goldman

Gloria Glenn

Veronica Gold

Connie Hahn

Dr. and Mrs. Samuel Hassenbusch III

Sandra Hawkins

Laura Hearn

Matthew H. Herynk

Kara Herynk

Rosemary Herron

Karen Hill

Linda Hixon

Laura Holder

Susara Joubert

Jackie Lyon

Marsha Maurer

Wendy McCoole

Meg Nelson

Carolann Peters

Audrey Puzzo

Bruce Robertson

Luis Rodreguez

Kathleen Sanders

Josie Sethi

Carol Showalter

Ruthie Stevens

Jane Van Ginkel

Eva Vega

Francesca Villarreal

Sylvia Wagner

Kim Waymer

Betsy Wilson

Cancer is so limited...

It cannot cripple love,

It cannot shatter hope,

It cannot corrode faith,

It cannot eat away peace,

It cannot invade the soul,

It cannot reduce eternal life,

It cannot quench the spirit.

Author Unknown

just diagnosed

W elcome to the club to which no one applies for membership. It has local chapters in every town and includes men and women, adults and children. There are no criteria for membership except lousy luck. I know you cant wait to cancel your membership and burn your carrying card. Neither could I.

Youve Just Been Named CEO

When I first learned that I had cancer, I was sitting at my desk at work. It was the middle of a difficult day, and when I learned that Dr. Berman was calling I was pleased for the welcome diversion. I dont know why it didnt occur to me that its not a good sign when your doctor calls you, but it was only when I heard the devastation in his sweet voice that I realized something was wrong. He told me that a routine test had yielded a troubling result and that I needed to go for more tests immediately. Hed already made the appointment.

Within an hour I was at the medical lab, sitting in a tiny stall wearing nothing but an ancient cotton gown that was too thin, too short, and had too many openings. Id even had to remove my earrings. When I heard Rapkin! I scooted past several nurses, doctors, and lab technicians, trying to keep whatever wasnt already showing under wraps.

It wouldnt be long before I learned that a big part of having a serious illness is waiting: waiting until your name is called, waiting for a prescription, waiting for a medicine to take effect, waiting for your hair to fall out, waiting for it to grow back.

One of the first side effects of cancer treatment begins within minutes of being diagnosedbefore surgery, radiation, or chemo. In an instant, we go from being adults who are successfully raising families, meeting obligations, and holding down demanding jobs to being half-naked bodies waiting for instructions. At the very time we need to feel that we have power and control over our lives, we feel utterly powerless. That feeling of powerlessness is the first side effect. And its important to eradicate it as early as possible. Believe it or not, I have good news for you: you may feel powerless, but you have a lot more power than you think.

The minute you were diagnosed, you became acting president and CEO of a major health concern: yours. Now you need to hire the best staff possible. You must assemble the most qualified team of experts you can find and put together an organization that is most likely to ensure the success of your business: the business of getting well and getting back to normal. This is big business. The stakes are high, and no one has more to gain or lose than you do.

Getting angry and shutting down and withdrawing will only make things worse. The Porrath Foundation for Cancer Patient Advocacy has found that patients who are the most proactive and informedin other words, those who become CEOs of their cancerhave the best results and quality of life.

The minute you were diagnosed, you became acting president and CEO of a major health concern: yours.

The first thing to remember as chief executive officer is that youre the boss; your staff works for you. That means your physician works for you, as does your oncologist, surgeon, and everyone else involved in your pursuit of restored health. Im not suggesting that you should be a difficult boss; far from it. Good bosses bring out the best in those who are on their team. And youll never have a goal thats more important to achieve than you do now.

There may be times, however, when you think that perhaps you should hire a consultant for a second opinion or look into another course of treatment. This is no time to be a pleaser. Bosses have to make tough choices, and those arent always popular ones. You will have to make some difficult decisions; after all, the buck really does stop with you.

Like any tough job, yours will teach you lessons that will serve you well long after this difficult time, which, by the way, will pass. One important lesson I learned during my cancer treatment is that any day with hair is a good hair day.

It occurred to me one day that all those times Id stood in front of the mirror searching for every gray hair I could find (and pulling out a few), Id been wasting time and feeling unnecessarily upset. Yes, gray hair meant I was growing older. So what? Growing older means that were still alivethe very thing I was battling for with everything I had.

How many times had I wished my hair was a different color or texture, straighter or curlier, thicker or thinner, when just having hair is such a blessing? Have you ever stopped to think about what an incredible entity hair is? When it gets wet, it takes almost no time to dry. It keeps you warm without making you hot. When the rest of your body is sweating on a hot day at the beach, chances are your head isnt, even though its covered with thousands of strands of hair. Hair replaces itself, unlike any garments we wear. And it keeps on growing for a whole lifetime; I could go on.

There was a time when I thought about these things every day. Six years have passed since I was diagnosed, and I dont think about them much anymore. But I pray that Ill be remindedfrequentlythat when push comes to shove, most things that we encounter day to day, as Richard Carlson said, are the small stuff. Whats left, like a day with hair, is what makes our day a good one.