Bette Bette Greene - Get on Out of Here, Philip Hall

To Alan Kaufman, literary lawyer. Youre the best!

AND TO ALL YOU members of the Old Rugged Cross Church, I said, looking at my reflection in my dressing-table mirror, I sure do want to thank you all for giving me this here Abner Jerome Brady Leadership Award.

When my warm moist breath began to fog the mirror, I moved back a ways. Why, I wasnt any more expecting this honor than the man in the moon, cause Ive almost forgotten that its been almost a year since I caught those thieving turkey rustlers. And I reckon that there aint hardly nobody alive that doesnt know that I, Elizabeth Lorraine Lambert, is the number-one best student in Miss Johnsons class.

Course, I guess most of you will remember that for three consecutive years, Ive been president and chief presiding officer of the Pretty Pennies Girls Club of Pocahontas, Arkansas. But just because Ive accomplished all these things doesnt mean that Im the only one worthy of your fine award. No, sir! Why, I reckon that there are just plenty of folks (even including some boys!) who deserve this honor every bit as much as me.

Pausing long enough to allow the full extent of my humbleness to be absorbed by my imaginary audience, I brought my face close to the mirror and caught my mothers reflection. I whirled quickly to face her. Now, Ma, I know youre anxious to hear my speech, but youre just going to have to wait until six oclock tonight like everybody else.

She didnt say anything, but she looked troubled. Did she forget all about the three-hundred-dollar scholarship money that comes right along with the Brady Award? And did Ma also forget that before I become Randolph Countys first veterinarian, Im going to need all the scholarship money I can get? Just before seating herself on my bed, she smoothed out a slight wrinkle in my chenille spread. Beth, honey, I dont rightly know how to say this to you....

Grandma aint ailing, is she? I mean shes still coming to hear my speech this evening?

She nodded. Mr. Preston Simpson, who works at the Walnut Ridge Gulf Station, is going to drop your grandma off right in front of the church grounds.

If Grandma is coming, then there cant be much of nothing wrong, I concluded, trying to jolly Ma up by giving her a tickle under her chin.

Maybe something is wrong, my mother said. Maybe it aint. Dont rightly know. Now, I sure dont want to be disturbing you, what with the ceremony not much moren two hours away. But I do, truth to tell, feel a little ... a little unsettled about your speech.

About my speech? Didnt I tell every member of this family that I didnt want nobodynot even Baby Benjaminlistening to me practice my speech? Well? What about my speech? I asked, afraid I might hear something that wasnt complimentary.

Ma sighed as though she was getting ready to do heavy work. Winning the Abner Brady Award is some honor. Yes, sir, it sure is some fine honor

But I said to let her know I realized there was more coming.

But, she repeated, you just all the time going around counting your Bradys before they hatch. And aint you a little too busy puffing yourself up? Tooting your own horn?

Who me?! I asked, striking my chest with my index finger.

How many other folks you got hidden around this room, girl?

Oh, Ma ...

I heard my mother sigh, as though it was now time to get down to serious business. Beth, if you is half as great as you got yourself believing that you are, then you dont have to talk about it in your speech. No, sir! All you really have to do is give folks a little time and theyll up and discover it all by themselves.

At five oclock Ma, Pa, Baby Benjamin, and I got into the cab of our pickup. Must be some special evening, sure enough. Usually my older sister, Annie, sat up front. But tonight Fancy Annie was sitting out back with my brother Luther, dangling her feet from the tailgate just like any ordinary person.

Where our dirt road leads onto the highway, Pa brought his truck to a momentary stop before turning to face me. Little Beth, little Beth, why I couldnt be any more proud of you if you was twins. Being chosen the best young leader in our church. My, my, my, now aint that some something!

Oh, I is so happy that you is happy, Pa, I told him. But want to know something? Not everybody is all that happy for me.

This time his smile showed off a set of teeth as white as blackboard chalk. Reckon I dont need a hundred guesses when one will do. You is speaking of Phil Hall?

I nodded. The very same Philip Hall whos going around acting like he aint got no time for nobody in this here world but GinnyGinny-the-gorgeous. But everybody knows that she aint got the sense that God gave to a single one of Luthers precious pigs! So how couldWell, what does he like about Ginny?

Pa began laughing so hard that Ma had to come right out and tell him to keep his mind on his driving. I think, he said finally, that you is still sweet on that boy.

Oh, no sir, I aint, I told him. Why, I dont pay that boy no more mind than a speck of dust blowing in the wind. Why, on this very morning Philip Hall told me that I shouldnt be so sure of winning something that I aint already won.

Pa squeezed out another chuckle or two. Everybody knows whats bothering him. For better than a year now, youve been stealing all his thunder and all his glory. There aint hardly none left for nobody else.

You can sure say that again, said Ma, sounding more resigned than joyous.

Remember last month? asked Pa. At the Old Rugged Cross Church picnic when everybody was searching beneath the river for that boy? Heard the Reverend Ross himself say nobody could be that long underwater and live. Exact words he said was Only the good right arm of the Lord could save poor Phil Hall now. Well, he no sooner got them words out of his mouth than you came riding through the picnic grounds on a borrowed tractor with a hurt Phil. Lordy!

Ma must have clearly seen the sight in her own mind because a laugh as deep as a peal of thunder started up in her. Phil Hall aint altogether wrong when he tells you not to go counting what you aint already won, and yet ... She had to stop talking until she got a hold on her laughter. I dont think Ill ever forget, not if I live to be a hundred, the look on his face when your own calf, Madeline, and not his fancy Halls Dairy Farm calf, Leonard, won first prize at the county fair.Well, what did you tell that young rascal when he told you not to go thinking you won what you havent as yet won?

Well, I said. First thing I did was stare him straight in the eye. Second thing I did was spit out the corner of my mouth, and the last thing I did was to say, Get yourself on out of here, Philip Hall!

In a meadow directly behind the Old Rugged Cross Church was Roscoe Barness sunshine-yellow tent. The flags flying on top called attention to the fearless Mr. Barnes and his death-defying animal acts, but our church members insist that the most death-defying thing Mr. Barnes ever in his life did was to try to sneak out of town in the middle of the night without paying our church for the use of its land.

Anyway, Mr. Barnes made off with his truck, his lions, his tigers, and his life, but not with his tent. No, sir, not with his tent! During the heat of the summer, its been real nice hearing our sermons from the somewhat cooler insides of a circus tent. And on a breezy September night like tonight, nothing could be more perfect.