Brandy Engler - The Men on My Couch: True Stories of Sex, Love and Psychotherapy

The Men on My Couch

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The Men on My Couch

TRUE STORIES OF SEX, LOVE, AND PSYCHOTHERAPY

Dr. Brandy Engler with David Rensin

BERKLEY BOOKS, NEW YORK

THE BERKLEY PUBLISHING GROUP

Published by the Penguin Group

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This book describes the real experiences of real people. The author has disguised the identities of some, and in some instances created composite characters, but none of these changes has affected the truthfulness and accuracy of the events described.

The publisher does not have any control over and does not assume any responsibility for author or third-party websites or their content.

This book is an original publication of The Berkley Publishing Group.

THE MEN ON MY COUCH

Copyright 2012 by Dr. Brandy Dunn and Rensin, Inc.

Cover design by Diana Kolsky.

Cover photo: Man on Couch Bernicce / Shutterstock.

Book design by Laura K. Corless.

All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the authors rights. Purchase only authorized editions.

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PUBLISHING HISTORY

Berkley trade paperback edition / January 2013

ISBN: 978-1-101-61887-5

An application to register this book has been submitted to the Library of Congress.

PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

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The patients names and all identifying information have been changed and in several cases are composites in order to protect their rights to confidentiality. The dialogues and events are all based on actual conversations and experiences, although some have been weaved together to create a singular case. I have also changed the names of my friends and love interests.

The Men on My Couch is the story of my unexpected journey into the erotic minds of men. What I learned there, about my patients desires and behaviors at the intersection of sex and love, not only took me by surprise, but challenged my assumptions about both men and myself.

There are many ways a woman can explore the truths about love and herself. Some go to meditation centers or take a solo journey into the wilderness. Some purchase a pile of self-help books, venture into online dating, or train for a marathon. Others take off for a wild weekend in Vegas.

I just had to go to my office.

A few years ago, as a newly minted clinical psychologist, I set out to fulfill my dream of a private practice in Manhattan. I had just one small obstacle: I wasnt established yet. Anyone in my field will tell you that building a clientele takes time. Several colleagues suggested that I should take the slower, more conventional route: join an existing group practice, get involved in the community, and network with medical doctors, college psych departments, and other professionals who could generate referrals. I considered their advice and the financial benefits of taking a job, but I had just completed specialized training in sex therapy with a renowned practitioner and was brimming with enthusiasm. My supervisor at the Brooklyn hospital where I had just completed my residency warned against the idea. Sex therapy? Are you kidding me? he said. Thats outdated. Everyones on Viagra now. Nobody gets sex therapy clients anymore.

He offered me a position at the hospital, but my mind was made up. I hung my shingle in the heart of Times Square. I didnt care about Viagra. I had written my dissertation on low sexual desire in women and I wanted to specialize in female sexuality.

I expected that building my clientele would be slow. Id learned during my research that while women are more likely than men to get therapy if they suffer from anxiety, depression, grief, etc., they rarely seek help for low libido because they tragically assume that their waning passion is normal. So slow was fine with me, as long as I was doing what I wanted to do. And with this issue being so pervasive, I thought that if I advertised my services, the women would eventually come.

I was wrong.

The calls began immediately.

And almost all of them were from men.

Men? Not quite what I had expected. And within a few months, I had more of them than I could manage. They called with all kinds of sexual concerns: chronic womanizing, porn addiction, prostitutes, sexual identity issues, jealousy, erectile dysfunction, fear of intimacy, loss of desire, trying to understand the meaning of love, and more. Men may be less likely than women to seek psychotherapy for many of their emotional ailments, but when the penis doesnt work, they reach out.

Even though treating men for sexual issues was not the type of therapy Id set out to doalthough, of course, my training had included thatI thought I could help, and I sparked to the challenge. I suspected that I was about to hear stories that might unsettle me, but like the bold but nave horror movie heroine whos compelled to figure out whats going on despite suspecting that the killer might be lingering in the shadows, I was curious. So I summoned a bring-it-on attitude, opened my office door, and started taking appointments, ready to face whatever adventure awaited.

I wasnt disappointed.

The Men on My Couch will take you inside my confidential therapeutic sessions to witness powerful and provocative dialogues that reveal the core issues underlying male sexual behavior. From a fly-on-the-wall perspective, you will observe the raw emotions and actual motivations behind the modern sexual maladies for which my patients sought help. And unlike most other books about male sexual behavior, in