Susan L. Edelman - Be Your Own Brand of Sexy: A New Sexual Revolution for Women

This is an important book. It reveals sociology and psychological insights for young women to explore who they are and make romantic decisions wisely. Additionally, Dr. Edelmans call for a return to sisterhood is compelling. Women will learn much from her wisdom.

Mali Mann, MD, Training and Supervising Psychoanalyst, San Francisco Center for Psychoanalysis, Adjunct Clinical Professor, Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences, Stanford University Medical

Navigating the gender divide has become increasingly complicated following the feminist revolution. In Be Your Own Brand of Sexy, Dr. Edelman shows the reader how to craft a relationship solution that fits their own personal needs without sacrificing important standards. I believe Be Your Own Brand of Sexy will soon become a much-needed classic.

Hans Steiner, MD, Professor Emeritus (Active), Psychiatry and Human Development, Stanford University, School of Medicine

A New Sexual Revolution
for Women

Susan L. Edelman, MD

PALO ALTO, CALIFORNIA

Copyright 2015 by Susan L. Edelman, MD.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without written permission from the publisher, except for the inclusion of brief quotations in a review.

Options Press

P.O. Box 150

Palo Alto, CA 94302

www.beyourownbrandofsexy.com

www.optionspress.com

ISBN 10: 1-942-34322-1

ISBN 13: 978-1-942343-22-6

First edition 2015

Cover design: Kimberly A. Soderstrom

Interior design: Blue Iris Design

Library of Congress Control Number: 2014922361

Botox, Hush Puppies, Photoshop, Spanx, Viagra, and Vicodin are registered trademarks.

Be Your Own Brand of Sexy is a trademark of Susan L. Edelman, MD.

Options Press and Options Press logo are both trademarks of Options Press Corporation.

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Printed in the United States of America.

To my parents,
who foolishly told me I could
accomplish anything.

To my patients,
who taught me what I needed
to know to write this book.

And to Emma,
who wanted me to change the world.

Thank you!

Contents

Board-certified psychiatrist Dr. Susan Edelman has spent 29 years as a practicing therapist in Palo Alto, California, specializing in womens issues. As a single woman, shes been on the front lines of dating. Living in Louisiana and then California gave her two very different perspectives on dating, helping her see all the options women have. She enjoys dancing, gardening, and traveling. Perhaps you will see some of her interests reflected in this book.

In addition to her private practice, Dr. Edelman is an Adjunct Clinical Associate Professor at Stanford University in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences. Dr. Edelman received her undergraduate and medical degrees from Louisiana State University. She completed her psychiatric residency at Tulane University School of Medicine.

Preface

Over the 29 years Ive been in private practice, Ive realized that, despite the advances weve made, women across generations still struggle with having a voice and standing up for themselves. We think its getting better, but its not.

That same struggle is why they dont get what they want from men. Its painful, and in many cases it stops them from getting what they want out of life.

My wonderful patients deserve betterand this is not just a problem for them. Its global, and we need a new revolution to create change.

Thats why I wrote this book. I want to support the women who will never walk through my office door yet need a helping hand.

Although this book was written for single women about sexuality and relationships, the principles are universal. One reader told me these chapters helped her with a problem at work. Male readers say that, thanks to the ideas in this book, they are better able to ask for what they want and improve their relationships. It has helped mothers to become better informed and understand how to guide their children.

Be yourself. The message of this book is not new, but it is timeless. Being yourself can be difficult to accomplish when outside forces pull us in different directions. People advise, criticize, compete, and reject us. Media shows us what everyone else appears to be doing. Staying on our paths can be challenging but worth the effort.

This book may only be the tip of the iceberg of exploration for some of you. Ive tried to make the stories here common and relatable to many people, but a self-help book cannot replace a consultation with an expert. Please find a psychiatrist or therapist if youre still struggling after reading this book. Ill have information about how to find experts on my website, www.beyourownbrandofsexy.com.

I hope to entertain, educate, and tweak your perspective on your life and the world that influences your decisions. Embracing our similarities rather than our differences can bring us closer together.

If you want to read more on these subjects, .

Acknowledgements

When I first told people I was writing a book about sex, I was surprised to discover that not everyone was supportive. Maybe I was nave. Then a wise man told me that I should be pleased with the firestorm of controversy that my ideas were causing. That without it, my message wouldnt travel to change the world. That gave me a sense of internal peace that I hope will last after my book is published. Writing a book about individuality requires gathering a lot of different opinions. Im grateful to those who cared enough to share their views and ideas with me, even when they differed from my own.

Acceptance of my book project was vital to my morale, so I am grateful for the encouragement I received from the local psychiatric community, especially Drs. John Barry and Mary Ann Norfleet. I feel fortunate for the support and friendship of Drs. Rosaline Vasquez and Chris Vasil. The Pegasus Physicians at Stanford, a writers group, tremendously shaped my book. Thanks to Drs. Lauren Edwards, Bruce Feldstein, Shaili Jain, William Meffert, Larissa Miyachi, Kendra Peterson, Noga Leah Ravid, Ali Tahvildari, and Clark Zhang for their support and feedback. I give special thanks to Drs. Mali Mann, Hans Steiner, and Irvin Yalom. Many thanks also to Drs. Diana Adams, Barbara Ballinger, Harvey Dondershine, Magdolna Dunai, Ellen Haller, Sharon Lipner, Terry Miller, Tom Nagy, Cynthia Nguyen, Mary Nichols, Patrick ONeill, Patricia Paddison, Tom Plante, Randall Weingarten, and Daniel Winstead.

Giving speeches on this topic at the National Speakers Association Pro-track Program immersed me in controversy and helped me create a dialogue that might transcend the polarization in our culture. In the Pro-track group, I met two brilliant writers who helped me with my book project: Lauren Mayer, also a humorist; and Mary Hanna. Their additions to this book are invaluable. I would also like to thank Jill Lublin and Scott Q. Marcus, whom I met through the National Speakers Association.