Craig Bowron M.D. - Man Overboard! : A Medical Lifeline for the Aging Male

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MAN OVERBOARD! Copyright 2022 by Craig Bowron. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

The information in this book is true and complete to the best of our knowledge. This book is intended as an informative guide for those wishing to learn more about health issues. It is not intended to replace, countermand or conflict with advice given to you by your own physician. The ultimate decision concerning your care should be made between you and your doctor. Information in this book is offered with no guarantees. The author and publisher disclaim all liability in connection with the use of this book. The views expressed are the authors personal views, and do not necessarily reflect the policy or position of Mayo Clinic.

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Cover and interior design: Peter Romeo, Wooly Head Design

Cover illustration: Alexis Seabrook

Production management: Stonesong

Library of Congress Control Number: 2022942145

ISBN 9781945564338

First Edition: 2022

Throwing off the shackles of youth,
I reached for the stars!
And pulled a hip flexor.

Dammit.

Look at you! Your soul patch has migrated to your earlobes. Anything larger than a saltine after 8:00 p.m. gives you heartburn deep into the twilight hours. Emptying your bladder is no longer like one of those snappy station breaks on TV, but more like a 60-second commercial complete with a celebrity spokesperson and theme music. A bad night of sleep makes you feel like you just finished an Ironman triathlon. For heavens sake, you tore your Achilles tendon just walking the dog.

It was fun while it lasted: youth, that magical, ethereal out-of-body experience, a kind of natural hallucinogenic state in which the world smiles at us. Ones healthy, vigorous, capable body is almost an afterthought, a perfectly engineered machine that seems unfazed by bad food habits, missed sleep, or spontaneous feats of exercise.

But eventually that youthful youso maintenance free, so under the radar, so unappreciatedstarts to change. The celestial body you inhabited back in your twenties is now returning squarely to Earth, and you have to admit that although the gravitational pull of time can be resisted, it cannot be rebuffed.

At some point you realize youve gone from MC Hammers U Cant Touch This to Time Warners Smokin Oldies collection called Dont Touch That. It Hurts When You Touch That.My Back Is on Fire. Where Is My Heating Pad? You busted a move, all right, and your doc says itll take six to eight weeks to heal.

And that, as we like to say in the medical world, sucks. Getting older is an extractive, reductive process, and given its relentless and inevitable nature, it might be the hardest thing any of us will ever do.

If youre lucky, this wont be a solo expedition to the far reaches of Geezerville. Youll have a partner along for the ride. In fact, theres a good chance that your partner is behind the wheel, reading this book for you, taking some ownership of your body and health in a blatant act of benevolent theft. Bravo!

Man Overboard! aims to help you get through this pilgrimage to Geezerville, this magical journey of aging-while-male, not unscathed but with a sense of control and dignity. You can get more of both of those if you understand how your body works, what happens when it doesnt, and how to fix it. Separating social media hearsay, manipulative Big Pharma marketing schemes, and old husbands tales from the truth wont lower your cholesterol, but it will give you some clarity.

What youll discover in the following pages is that I am a medical centrist. Thats because, generally speaking, the truth lies somewhere in the middle. You dont want high blood pressure, but you dont want low blood pressure, either. Right in the middle is good. You want a strong heart, but if it gets too muscular, it gets stiff and then it doesnt work right. Thyroid function? Middle, please. Too much and you get wired up like a meth addict without the dental issues. Too little and you start to feel cold, slow, and pudgy.

On one extreme of personal health, you have the neurotically health-obsessed. Every facet of life, every food choice, every moment of activity, every guilty pleasure is either adding to or removing seconds from life. Every symptom must be pursued as a warning sign that will allow them to take action. But every piece of health information can also be perceived as just one more way to die, and these people often end up worried sicksometimes literally. Sure, its possible that all that effort will allow them to live longer, but how much longer, and will they even enjoy it?

On the other extreme of personal health is just straight-up denial, sometimes referred to as testosterone blindness or testosterone poisoning. Equal parts stoicism, nihilism, and good old-fashioned fear, this is the feeling that a guy can be completely healthy as long as he doesnt go to the doctor, who might give him diabetes, high blood pressure, or prostate cancer. I was perfectly fine when I walked in the clinic door! But I am fine, because I have been fine, and so I will continue to be fine is not a legitimate medical self-evaluation, and delaying care generally just leads to bigger problems.

I get it. I hate going to the doctor, too. I treat shopping and health care like a special-ops mission: a high-risk venture pursued only out of great necessity and with a sense of urgency. You get in there, get what you need, and get the hell out! If I could get a chopper to extricate me, I would (extraction point: Cinnabon, upper level of food court).

One might think aging would be easier for a doctorso much inside knowledgebut all that does is make us the worlds most well-informed hypochondriacs. Pinning the diagnosis tail on the symptoms donkey is what I do for a living, and it comes too easily. For example, as I, the doctor, quite rationally tell myself that the most plausible explanation for the ringing in my left ear is last weekends high-decibel concert, my doctors mind also considers the distinctly unlikely and yet very real possibility of a brain tumor called an acoustic neuroma. That same brain imagines the local headlines: village idiot doctor ignores obvious brain tumor symptoms . Being an aging doctor isnt easy, and in some ways, Ive written this book for myselfme, the aging middle-aged guy.

Man Overboard! is a middle ground for the midlife health crisis. Think of it like investing in the stock market: you want to be involved, and you need to be smart about it, but you dont want to obsess (we all know someone whose mood swings daily with the Dow Jones average), and you dont want to outsmart yourself (overactive trading is a strong predictor of poor performance). You cant outguess the Market, but you can develop a plan that gives you the best chance of having a healthy financial future.