James D. Barron - Shes Had a Baby: and Im Having a Meltdown

I was carrying our five-day-old infant over our apartments threshold when I glanced back at my wife. This was a scene I had envisioned for weeks: I would carry our baby through first and set her down in her bassinet; shed ogle me, coo, and fall into a wonderful slumber; my wife would throw her arms around my neck; Id gallantly swoop her off her feet (no strain, no huffing); then, Id pause at the threshold, kiss her (one of those showy kisses from a 1940s movie) and mutter deeply, Welcome home. Her eyes would be glimmering

Well, it wasnt quite like that.

Still weak from her C-section, my wife smiled back feebly at my attempt at romance and mumbled something about a rain check. Although she had been navigating the hospital corridors energetically, she was now leaning on our banister railing, out of breath and wobbly.

After I helped my wife walk into the apartment, we stumbled aroundstrangers in a strange land. Finally, my wife plopped down on the living room couch. There was a millisecond of quiet.

Then, everything happened at once. Our baby wailed piteously, my wifes breasts became clogged, and while I searched for the Extra Strength Tylenol, our phone began ringing off the hook with well-wishers and family. I listened to a dozen well-meaning but long-winded messages on our answering machine and one short one informing us that our baby nurse was a no-show. I tried to calm our baby, called my wifes doctor, whipped up some lunch, and fell onto the couch beside my wife. Then, I started to laugh.

Like every man in my shoes, I pondered The Future, but became immediately aware that here it was, slamming through the walls of our living room like some runaway train. My eyes took in my desk, piled high with work and bills. Suddenly, I blurted out, How are we going to do all this? The most Ive ever cared for is a golden retriever!

Well be okay, my wife answered. I fixed her a cup of coffee while she began reading one of her books about the babys first year.

Later (at her insistence), I peeked at her book. I was hoping for some guidance on early fatherhood but was instantly turned off by the books technical tone. I was overwhelmed by its detail, and the damned thing was nearly seven hundred pages. My reaction was that of millions of men before me: I dont know any guy who could read this! Like those men, I didnt like reading a book written for women. I felt like a trespasser. I wondered why so little attention was paid to the change in the marriage after the baby is bornwhen every new father senses he needs guidance there, too. I needed a commonsense guide written for guys like me, who often go to the sports pages before anything else in the newspaper. I wanted a book that would teach me how to enjoy fatherhood, how to keep my marriage vital, how to help my wife adjust, how to juggle work and home responsibilities, and how to keep the zip in our sex life. Thats when I knew I had to write a book to help men (and the women married to new dads) through this wonderful insanity.

I wanted to write a book so new fathers can rip into fatherhoodand know it can be a blast. Lots of new fathers sense a change in the air and want to get away from the stodgy image of father from the pastbut they dont know how to get there. Thats what this book is about: Realizing fatherhood is a beginning, not an end. Yeah, the early months of fatherhood are zany. Hopefully, this book will help new dads feel less alone in their feelings and less like theyre bushwhacking through the thicket of fatherhood with only a toothpick in hand.