James D. Barron - Shes Having a Baby: —and Im Having a Breakdown

I was lying in bed with my eight-months-pregnant wife. It was late, but we couldnt sleep. She was reading pregnancy books. I was reading a novel. How come youre not reading these books? my wife asked. It was a question millions of men have been asked, and like those men, I didnt have a good answer. I cared about the pregnancy. I had attended nearly every meeting with the obstetrician. I had gone to birthing classes faithfully and had planned and redecorated the room we now called the babys. I felt I wanted to read about pregnancy but somehow couldnt seem to do it.

I looked around our bed. There were mounds everywhere: not just my wifes swollen belly, but also piles and piles of books on pregnancy. I read the books titles. They all seemed to be written by women or doctorsand none, I noticed, talked directly to men. Then I began combing through each volume, scanning hundreds of pages, and even after checking the indexes, found shockingly little written about men, who, according to these experts, seemed to have one and only one role in the pregnancy: get that sperm to that egg!

Excuse me, I thought, but Im in this pregnancy, too! Thats when I realized that what I really wanted was a book by a man for a man, a book that didnt make me feel like a trespasser or a bystander. I wanted a book that would offer suggestions on how I should act, what I should do, one that would help me understand my wifes emotional and physical state and help me make her more comfortable and still keep my place within our relationshipand help me get ready for fatherhood.

But I soon realized that for men, there were no age-old lists of rules to turn to, no dialogue among the brutes, no map that gets handed down from generation to generation to navigate this tricky road. Our dads cant give us detailed advice, because most of them were sitting on the sidelines during their wives pregnancies. It was then that I decided to write this book for mena book that would also help women better understand what their husbands are going through.

We hear all the time that being a father is grossly undervalued by our society. Its true. My experience is that theres nothing finer. Nothing. Its not inferior to being a mother; its equal. But its got to start at the beginning. The partnership between husband and wife has to reshuffle itselfevolveso when the baby makes his or her screaming appearance into the world, everythings in place: father, mother, and a space in their life together for the baby.

Its a great journey for the man who wants to take it. I knowIve been there. You take it one step at a time. Now and then, of course, youll have to take a leap. If you fall, you just get up and try again. And one day down the line, youll look in the mirror, and youll be pleased by the father you see. Youll have another wrinkle or two around the eyesbut you know youd do it all over again in a flash.

J AMES D OUGLAS B ARRON

P.S. I realize that a lot of couples having babies arent married. For simplicitys sake, throughout this book Ive referred to the pregnant woman as wife.

10 GREAT MOMENTS OF PREGNANCY AND EARLY FATHERHOOD:

1. Hearing the words Youre going to be a daddy

2. Telling everybody the good news and watching their eyes light up.

3. Listening to your babys heartbeat for the first time.

4. Midpregnancy sex. (Surprise!)

5. Visiting the nursery at the hospital with your pregnant wife and watching all the babies through the window.

6. Hearing the words Youve got a baby boy/girl!

7. Holding your baby for the first time.

8. Bringing your baby over to your wife and seeing how happy youve made her.

9. Holding your wifes hand and watching your baby sleep.

10. Calming your baby in the middle of the night, then humming a song and dancing in your darkened living roomjust you and your baby in your arms.