Rhonda Remington - How To Make Divorce Fun

Copyright 2021 by Joseph R. Canuel

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Contents

This book is lovingly dedicated to our exes. As our one final insult, from us, to you, we say, Ha-Ha! This book is also dedicated to Abraham Maslow, to whom we would like to say, thank you! We could not have done it without you! You are our hero!

Why is divorce so expensive?

Because its worth it!

A nyone who has been through a divorce can tell you that it is a sad, miserable experience. The cruelest part of divorce is that it is the death of a dream. Both parties feel angry and betrayed, and they want to lash out at the other person. This anger and animosity can be unbearably painful. The good news is that it does not have to be this way. Dont pick up that hatchet just yet. Yes, you heard us right: DIVORCE CAN BE FUN!

In order to make divorce fun, you need to accept the fact that the person you once loved and admired doesnt exist. He may have been abducted by aliens or may have been created by them. Either way, he is not the person you thought you were marrying and probably never was. Lets face facts; you were played for a fool. Your ex stood at the altar and lied through his teeth, right to your face. Once you have gotten that fact through your head, the hardest part is over.

Both of the authors of this book have been divorced twice. Our experiences are similar about how awful our first divorce was, but our second divorce was only miserable until we realized that the best way to deal with the soon-to-be exes was to PLAY WITH THEM! We developed strategies and methods to really mess with our exes in such a way that we were no longer good victims, and all our exes wanted to do was get as far away from us as possible and as soon as possible.

There is an art to playing with your ex. This is mental chess and should be treated accordingly. It should be thought of as a game. Just be aware that it will be more comfortable to eat glass shards than to let your ex get one over on you. To be most effective, this game should last for as long as possible. Do not rush this game. Anyone can go for the throat, but we suggest that you model yourself after a cat. When a cat catches a mouse, it doesnt just rip the mouses head off. No, the cat bats the mouse around for long periods of time. Many crafty cats will leave an opening for a mouse. The mouse will think it might be able to get away, but just before the mouse makes its escape, the cat pounces. The cat then robs the mouse of any hope. Only when the mouse is too exhausted and beaten does the cat finally break down and, in a great show of mercy, rips its head off. The moral to the story is this: Take care of your playthings; you never know when you will find another one!

T he love of your life has told you he wants a divorce. Oh no! We know how bad this hurts. Lets face it, you are being rejected. We have heard several excuses of why a person leaves. One of the most popular reasons is I love you, but I am not in love with you. Now, you may be asking yourself, What the fuck does that mean? Well, it means that they have the emotional maturity of a junior high school adolescent; they recognize love as infatuation, not a state of being. They are not emotionally mature enough to recognize that love is not the hundred-yard dash, but a long journey that was meant to last a lifetime. These people are emotional vampires that have been sucking you dry; now that they are done, they are ready to move on to their next victim!

Another popular reason is I do not love you anymore. Ouch, can you think of anything more cruel to say to someone? Or worse yet, can you imagine having someone tell you this on your birthday or in an anniversary card? The truth of the matter is that they never loved you at all. Their hearts were never involved. They were playing you. Sorry!

The third excuse that seems to be popular is I have fallen in love with someone else. These are all painful. They all have a way of making you analyze what you may have done to cause this. What could you have done differently to make things better or to make them want to stay? There are three simple questions you need to answer to learn if you are indeed an evil person who deserves what is happening to you. They are as follows:

Are you cheating?

No, Go get yourself a good massage.

Yes, Sign up for a frontal lobotomy.

Do you suffer with a mental illness, or are you involved with drugs?

No, Eat extra chocolate.

Yes, Have yourself committed at some place that will give you a frontal lobotomy.

Are you abusive?

No) Take a weekend vacation.

Yes, Seriously consider suicide as a community service.

If the answer to all these is no, then you are the victim of cruel circumstance, which is the main reason this handy-dandy divorce manual needed to be written. Together, we will show you how not to be a Qua-Qua victim, but a Ha-Ha survivor!

There are several strategies that must be mastered to be the Ha-Ha survivor. We will go into the details of these strategies in later chapters, but briefly, get over your ex, make them a joke, destroy their self-esteem, and annihilate their sense of security. In the meantime, you will maintain your good guy image.