Ruth Clements - Surviving Separation and Divorce: Dealing with divorce day-to-day

Contents

Text copyright 2019 Ruth Clements

This edition copyright 2019 Lion Hudson IP Limited

The right of Ruth Clements to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by her in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.

Published by

Lion Hudson Limited

Wilkinson House, Jordan Hill Business Park

Banbury Road, Oxford OX2 8DR, England

www.lionhudson.com

ISBN 978 0 7459 8074 4

e-ISBN 978 0 7459 8075 1

First edition 2019

Cover image: Shutterstock

Unless otherwise marked Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version, copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 International Bible Society. Used by permission of Hodder & Stoughton, a member of the Hodder Headline Group. All rights reserved. NIV is a trademark of International Bible Society. UK trademark number 1448790.

Scripture quotation marked ESV is from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version (ESV) copyright 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked MSG is taken from The Message. Copyright by Eugene H. Peterson 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.

Scripture quotation marked AMP is taken from the Amplified Bible, Copyright 1954, 1958, 1962, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

To the Bishops,

my second family thank you for taking me in,

building me back up, and always welcoming me home.

And to Ellie because finding I wasnt the

only one in this situation gave me hope.

Acknowledgments

Over the years the support I have received through marriage, divorce, and life after that has been immeasurably generous and invaluable. Thank you to everyone who has played a part in that. Here is a tiny summary of my thanks. No words will ever be sufficient to explain what it has meant, and continues to mean, to me.

With regard to the book itself, a huge thank you to Erik Castenskiold for his generous introduction, and to Suzanne Wilson-Higgins, Jon Oliver, and all at Lion Hudson for their belief in me and the impact this book could have. To the wonderful contributors Row, Ellie, May, Carol, and Decobe thank you not only for your contributions but also for your collective wisdom, encouragement, and support over the years. Thank you, Liza Hoeksma, for your advice several years ago, and for taking the time to meet a stranger. Thank you to Siobhan Hooper for being my creative sounding board, and to Ellie Cross, Tim Bechervaise, Jennie Pollock, Dad, Phil, and anyone else Ive forgotten for the regular reading and literary advice.

To my wonderful family: Mum, Dad, the boys (Ben, Tom, and Joel), the little boys (Charlie and Teddy), and Grandma. Thank you for loving me always, even when Im at my most unlovable. Thank you, Mum and Dad, for championing me, praying for me, and believing in me. I hope I can be at least half as good a parent as you have been to me. I couldnt have got by without you. Tanita, Im glad the traumatized sister-in-law didnt put you off marrying Ben! Thank you also to my wider family for your continued support and understanding.

To my life group: the Bishops, the Selwoods, the Muncktons, Dennis, Kate, Becky, John, and Rob. Thanks for keeping me sane, letting me cry a lot, and praying without ceasing. On a practical note, thank you also for the thousands of dinners, evenings of Strictly and Downton, doing my washing, and attempting to wear my jeans by accident. Thank you to the wider church; in particular the Evanses, Davita, and the Yeners for your time, prayer, and consistent support.

To my wider circle of friends who have always been at the end of a phone line, or in my flat cleaning and packing Emily, Claire, Gemma, Kate, Lauren L., Jo, Vicky, Becca, and Donna my life would be much poorer without you all. I would definitely have gone mad from 2012 to 2014 without Mrs P. and Mrs C. by my side. Your daily support was invaluable, as was your Youre going to work in London one day assertion. Whod have thought it?

In my not-so-new London life, thank you to Nao, Anouk, Patch, Lizzie, Corinna, Dawn, Annie, Nikki, and Stella for the endless card games and evenings of prosecco and Sports. Thank you to those at ChristChurch London, and particularly the former Covent Garden crew and Hannah, Liam, and Helen for the welcome, friendship, and acceptance.

And last but by no means least, to Phil and Naomi. I believed it existed, but didnt expect to find it. Thank you for being totally unfazed by this topic from the start, and for letting it be something we can laugh, joke, and talk about. Your love, support, and presence in my life is much more than I ever could have asked for or imagined. I love you both very much.

Contents

Maybe youve picked this book up wanting some much-sought-after answers about how to get through this unknown and unwanted world of separation and divorce. Maybe youve decided separating is the only way forward for your marriage, but youre not completely sure what this looks like. Perhaps a well-intentioned friend has passed this book to you and suggested you read it, and youre thinking, Great just what I need right now another self-help book. And if you have the same gut reaction to those words as I once did, I would completely understand if you decide to add it to the big pile of unread books beside your bed or else put it quickly back on the shelf.

When people asked about the sort of book I was writing I would actively avoid using the label of self-help until they announced, So its a self-help book! Id mumble something vaguely affirmative but non-committal and wed change the subject, especially once they started asking about the word count. There was just something about the connotations of the very word self-help that grated. But that, I realized, was the point. One of the reasons separation and divorce are so awful is because you are by yourself. That probably doesnt need emphasizing. Chances are, youve never felt more alone in your life: where there once was two, there is now one. Even if you have an incredible support network around you, and I hope you do, at the close of the day, we those who are still in the process of separation or divorce are still by ourselves.