Nicole Sodoma - Please Dont Say Youre Sorry: An Empowering Perspective on Marriage, Separation, and Divorce from a Marriage-Loving Divorce Attorney

Please Dont Say Youre Sorry

An Empowering Perspective on Marriage, Separation, and Divorce from a Marriage-Loving Divorce Attorney

Nicole Sodoma with Joscelyn Duffy

Praise for P LEASE D ONT S AY Y OURE S ORRY

In Please Dont Say Youre Sorry, Nicole Sodoma shows us that marital struggles, separation, and divorce do not need to be taboo. Quite the opposite, in fact. Sodoma exhibits the experience, humanity, and legal insights that show us how the most tumultuous times can empower great personal choice. Realistic and raw, funny and frank, this book is must-read for anyone trying to find a way to stay in or move past their marriage.

SONIA CHOQUETTE, Globally Renowned Spiritual Teacher and 27x New York Times or International Best-selling Author

Nicole offers a refreshing mix of hope, straight talk, and battle-tested experience. Her compassion for the reader comes through with heart and valuable insights.

CHRIS JARVIS, Best-selling Financial Author, Creator of the Go Wild Assessment, and Entrepreneur Coach

A thoughtful guide to getting through divorce with the least amount of stress and emotional pain.

STACY D. PHILLIPS, ESQ., Partner at BLANK ROME and Author of Divorce: Its All About Control; How to Win the Emotional, Psychological and Legal Wars

Its about time we pull back the dark velvet curtain that is the delicacy of divorce. Please Dont Say Youre Sorry is a conversational companion, full of heart and empathy, plus facts from an expert to help you feel a little less alone in this abyss. Page after page you feel that Nicole Sodoma is able to meet you where you are at and help reframe the relationship to yourself as you un-relationship to another. Im definitely not sorry I read this book. And you wont be either.

ABIGAIL SPENCER, Actress, Writer, and Producer

Please Dont Say Youre Sorry is a realistic and straightforward book that helps prepare people for a good divorce or save a good marriage. For anyone looking for an approachable resource, I highly recommend this book.

ELIZABETH EARNSHAW, LMFT, Relationship Expert, Founder of @lizlistens, and Author of I Want This to Work

PLEASE DONT SAY YOURE SORRY: An Empowering Perspective on Marriage, Separation, and Divorce from a Marriage-Loving Divorce Attorney

2022 Nicole Sodoma

sodomalaw.com

All rights reserved.

No part of this book shall be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, magnetic, and photographic, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without prior written permission of the publisher.

No patent liability is assumed with respect to the use of the information contained herein. Although every precaution has been taken in the preparation of this book, the publisher and author assume no responsibility for errors or omissions. Neither is any liability assumed for damages resulting from the use of the information contained herein.

Published by Forefront Books.

Cover Design by Bruce Gore, Gore Studio, Inc.

Interior Design by Mary Susan Oleson, BLU Design Concepts

Jacket images by Shutterstock

ISBN: 978-1-63763-080-8 print

ISBN: 978-1-63763-081-5 e-book

State laws and legal precedents vary greatly and change over time. Because of this, the reader should not use this book for specific legal advice. Every family and every divorce case is different and unique. Every reader should obtain the advice of those versed in the laws of the jurisdiction where the action is taken. It must be understood, therefore, that this book will provide readers only with a general overview of the divorce process and issues related to separation and divorce so that they may be better prepared or informed.

This book is written for the general population and is not intended to provide legal advice. Readers should consult with an experienced family law attorney for specific information related to your personal circumstances and in your state.

The people described in this book are not meant to represent anyone living or deceased. No real names or precise fact patterns have been used, to protect the privacy of the parties involved. Any similarities between actual people or situations and the characters described in this book are coincidental or have otherwise been consented to by the party described.

For my three birds.

May your inner compass be your guide, no matter what direction you take.

May you remain open to growing and evolving with each step of the journey.

And may you always remember that you are the only one in your way.

I DIDNT KNOW I was going to get divorced. Sometimes women just spontaneously combust.

It all began when I rang in my thirtieth year. I celebrated that milestone birthday by setting a rule for myself as a single professional woman. I decided I would accept any dates I was asked to go on during the two weeks that followed to see what might happen. One of those dates was with the man now known as my former husband. He was thirty-six at the time, ambitious, anddare I saycharming. Our first real date took place in his 1960s white convertible Chevrolet Impala. Dressed in a crisp shirt and sporting a pair of Converse tennis shoes, he took me to a small neighboring town with an old-fashioned drive-in theater. We sat there on the cars cozy red leather seats watching the big screen and eating Thai food. I didnt kiss him on the first date (which I surmised sparked his interest), and I asked a lot of questions about him, which meant he got to talk the whole time.

Two months later, he asked (in an email) if I wanted to move across the country to Seattle, Washington, where a new job awaited him. My narrative created around the move was that it would be good for us; it would allow us to grow together. Despite being nervous and a bit numb, the fantastical idea of marriage and commitment singlehandedly led me to leave behind my network of friends and family in Charlotte, North Carolina, and head west. Was I crazy? I hadnt even introduced my knight to my friends before galloping away on his white horse!

The truth about the not-so-beneficial nature of leaving everything I knew behind was somehow lost in the whirlwind. The story I told myself made friends with my lingering fear that romance might not triumph over what experience had taught me about relationships. My parents divorce had made a huge impact on my childhood, scarring me with abandonment issues. Yet when faced with the prospect of this new adventure of the heart, I seemed to forget all about that. What I should have been doing was revisiting those fears and pumping the brakes. Instead, I propelled us forward like a sports car in high gear, making checklists, sourcing relocation companies, and securing new housing. Then came the decision to get married.

From the moment my former husband (herein known as Mr. Former, or M.F. for short) proposed to me, there were signs I ignored. And I mean actual signs. We were overlooking a waterfall when he popped the question, and if the steep, rocky descent before us wasnt enough of a hint about what was to come, I had also walked directly over a yellow post on the path leading there that read CAUTION.