Daniel Gefen - The Self Help Addict: Turn an Overdose of Information Into a Life of Transformation

What Do You REALLY Want?

There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why.

- William Barclay

You can have all the tools at your disposal. You can have all the knowledge, connections and opportunities available to you. But if you dont know what you really want, nothing will matter.

So many people are running, jumping, climbing, and trying to reach for something .

But when you ask them What do you REALLY want? They stand stiff, looking perplexed.

Some people think they know what they want, but when they achieve their goal they realize it wasnt really what they were looking for. It didnt give them the satisfaction they thought it would bring.

Sometimes we cant know what we want until we go on a journey and discover it along the way.

So what do YOU really want?

As you read this book, I want you to think about that question. I want you to ask it to yourself over and over again because its the most important question you can ask yourself.

Coming up with the answer is half the battle. The other half I will discuss in this book.

As much as I wish I could, I cant answer the question for you. Only you can discover the answer for yourself. There is no right or wrong answer but once you uncover what it is, you will be one of the rare few that has a clear mission and purpose in life.

It all starts with why? and it all ends with why?

Why do I really want to publish this book?

Is it because I want to help lots of people or is it because I want people to think Im awesome?

Why did I really want to get married?

Is it because I wanted to give to someone and love them unconditionally or is it because I wanted to be loved and I wanted someone to give to me unconditionally?

Why do I really want to be wealthy?

Is it because I want to be able to give lots of charity and help millions of people or is it because I want others to think Im a "somebody"? Is it because I want my father to be proud of me? Is it because I never want to worry about money ever again?

Why do I really want to go to the gym?

Is it because I want to be healthier and feel better about myself, or is it because I want other people to be more attracted to me and accept me?

It could be that the answer to all these questions is "both." I want to help people AND I want people to think Im awesome.

The question is which of the two is motivating you more ?

Remember, there is no wrong answer.

Never stop questioning your motivations.

When you discover what truly motivates you and why it motivates you then you will be on your way to breaking the addictive cycle. The desperate hunt for that missing piece of the puzzle will be finally over.

That endless hole that you feel inside of you is the question that is begging to be answered.

What do I really want?

Action Step: Write down on a piece of paper what you really want to achieve in life.

Play The Long Game

"Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience"

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I am naturally lazy, but because I push myself to produce, you see me as an overachiever.

By nature, I am an introvert, but because I put on an act in public, you see me as an extrovert.

I have inner doubts and have suffered from very low self-esteem, but because I push myself to conquer my inner demons and wear a mask of bravado, you see me as confident and sometimes even cocky.

I break nature, but you only see the results.

If you looked inside you would see something entirely different.

I am the man you see today because I didnt accept the status quo.

Most successful people you know are not successful by nature, so dont excuse yourself from achieving greatness.

They fought for that greatness. They broke their nature. They battled their inner demons. They ripped their comfort zone to pieces.

Over ... and over ... again.

What emerged was the person you see today.

The battle happens inside. Nobody sees the process. Dont be fooled by the outer layers and results.

Recognize that every successful entrepreneur, artist, gold medalist, professional, or champion must constantly break their nature to become who they are.

So stop looking at the achievements of others and start breaking your own nature.

What holds people back from taking action?

This question bothered me for so long. I asked many people and almost all of them said "fear", "perfectionism" and "self-doubt", but I dug deeper and found the real reason most people don't take action.

Impatience.

We don't take action because we don't see results immediately.

It's why social media is so addictive. It's instant gratification. Likes, comments, and shares make us feel good because we get it instantly.

We have become an impatient generation. Impatience is what holds us back from making a huge impact.

Mastering the art of patience

Im one of the most impatient guys I know. Im the guy that spends the extra cash to get my Amazon product delivered the next day (or the same day).

I have driven an hour to pick up a product at a store instead of waiting a day or two for my local store to have it in stock. I need to see results immediately or I start getting discouraged.I had to work very hard to keep reminding myself that patience wins the game.Life is a marathon, not a sprint.

The people who wait it out always win in the end. I recently watched one of the most hyped up boxing matches in history. Conor Mcgregor vs Floyd Mayweather. It very much reminded me of the famous story of the tortoise and the hare. Conor was like the hare. Young, fresh and quick. Floyd was like the tortoise. Old, slow and patient.

The first six rounds looked promising for Conor and I thought he would win. But in the 10th round, he tired out and the more experienced Floyd seized the opportunity he had patiently anticipated. With just a few good shots to the head, Conor was out. Floyd had won. I see this all the time.

The ones who are patient and play the "long game" ultimately win. Self-help Addicts tend to be highly impatient. Its one of the main reasons we dont take action.

Building muscle at the gym takes time. Losing weight takes time. Running a marathon takes time. Building a successful business takes time. Creating deep, meaningful relationships take time.

Anything worthwhile takes time and consistency. And being able to consistently "show up" takes a lot of patience.

So how do we build our patience muscles?