Barbara Wilson - The Invisible Bond: How to Break Free from Your Sexual Past
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Sex is like glue. Super human glue. Inside marriage, God designed it to be a bond that is powerful and unifying. Outside of marriage, the bonds of sex can be devastating. Long after the lover is gone, the bond weve created stays with us, negatively impacting our lives and future relationships. Now, through an impressive combination of Scripture and scientific research, Barbara Wilson shows how God designed us to be uniquely bonded through sex. But even more so, she concentrates on the tangible hope that is yours. This book will equip you not only to break those bonds, but to embrace a new, abandoned, wise, and thankful heart.
Youve had sex.
But now sex has you.
Its a past that haunts the present. Sabotaged relationships, low self-esteem, sexual dysfunction, an empty spiritual life. Sex will bind you up and tie you down. Why? Its just sex.
But just sex means your body, soul, mind, and spirit have become one with another. Released from a past of her own, Barbara Wilson now combines scientific research with Scripture to offer striking new insights about what sexual bonding is, why it is harmful, and how to move freely into your future. Complete with a study guide for group or personal use, The Invisible Bond is your hands-on tool for changing not your pastbut your life.
Barbs honesty and vulnerability will inspire you to let God do in your life what He has done in hers, mine, and millions of other lives. He has set us free from self-defeating guilt and shame, helped us embrace our sexuality rather than fear it, and taught us how to enjoy genuinely healthy, intimate relationships. If that sounds appealing to you, then you hold the right book in your hands.
Shannon Ethridge
Bestselling author of the Every Womans Battle series
Story Behind the Book
As abstinence director and educator for a Sacramento pregnancy center, Barbara Wilson talks to wounded and bleeding hearts every day. Theyve lost the war on sexual purity and the daily consequences are their reality. All they want is hopehope that they can be free from the pain and shame that their past drags into their present and future. This book reveals the negative impact of sexual bonding and offers steps to freedom from past sexual and emotional bonds. But even more, it offers new direction for the free heart, and how to embrace an abandoned, overflowing life!
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THE INVISIBLE BOND
published by Multnomah Books
2006 by Barbara Wilson
Unless other indicated, Scripture quotations are from:
The Holy Bible, New International Version
1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society.
Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House
Other Scripture quotations are from:
The Holy Bible, New King James Version ( NKJV )
1984 by Thomas Nelson, Inc.
The Holy Bible, King James Version ( KJV )
New American Standard Bible ( NASB ) 1960, 1977, 1995 by the Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.
Some details in this book (including names of people, cities, and businesses) have been changed.
Published in the United States by WaterBrook Multnomah,
an imprint of the Crown Publishing Group,
a division of Random House Inc., New York.
Multnomah and its mountain colophon are registered trademarks of
Random House Inc.
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwisewithout prior written permission.
For information:
MULTNOMAH BOOKS
12265 ORACLE BOULEVARD, SUITE 200 COLORADO SPRINGS, CO 80921
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Wilson, Barbara (Barbara T.)
The invisible bond / Barbara Wilson.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references.
eISBN: 978-0-307-56284-5
1. LustReligious aspectsChristianity. 2. SexReligious aspectsChristianity. I. Title.
BV4627.L8W55 2006
241.66dc22 2005030233
v3.1
My Story
What Is It? Do I Have One?
How Does It Happen?
The Impact of Sexual Bonding on Relationships
Why Forgiveness Is Only the Beginning
Breaking the Bonds of Sex
Learning to Live Free
Opening Your Heart to God and Others
Dating Wisdom for Singles
Commemorating What God Has Done
To my best friend on earth,
This was your dream for me.
Thank you for always trusting,
always hoping, and always persevering.
I will always love you.
To my best Friend in heaven,
This is Your story, You are the Star.
I will sing Your praises forever and ever.
I n a world rampant with pornography, affairs, and sexual abuse, there are many wounded hearts. It would be so wonderful if these wounds would heal with the passing of time. Sadly, rather than time healing wounds, it seems to infect and magnify them. Those who have been hurt find many difficult and different ways to cope and survive. At best, life becomes a fight for acceptance, love, and a belief that one day it will all be better.
Fortunately, one day it can be better, but it will require some choices to promote healing. Waiting for God to do what God is waiting for us to do only creates false hopes and unrealistic expectations. There has to be a plan. There must be a path toward healing the wounds and building a fulfilling life rich with loving relationships.
Choosing to read The Invisible Bond could be the most significant decision you have made. The path to healing is in here. The path, plus time, plus your healing choices, can lead to healing and healthy connections with others.
I commend you for taking the journey to repair your heart. Know that God loves you and is there for you as you discover His truth and implement it into your life.
Stephen Arterburn, founder
New Life Ministries
THE INFLUENCE
OF THE INVISIBLE
W hat do you know? Another book on sex.
There are so many. How to have sex. How to have great sex. Gods view of sex. The worlds view of sex. Help for those addicted to sex or pornography. And probably the greatest need for youth and singles how not to have sex before youre married.
But this book is different. Were not going to talk about you having sex, but about sex having you. Sex is like super-glue for humans. It creates incredibly powerful bondsinvisible bondsbetween the bodies, souls, minds, and spirits of a man and a woman. And thats the way God intentionally designed usto become sexually bonded for life with one marriage partner. Its one of His most amazing gifts to us.
But the gift becomes a liability for humans who have multiple sexual partners.
Whats the big deal? you may be asking. Its only sex. How does switching partners have any lasting effect on my mind, body, soul, or spirit?
Or perhaps youre married now and your past sexual relationships are just that past. Done. Out of sight and out of mind. Youve admitted they were wrong, and youve asked God for forgiveness. Case closed. How can they impact you now?
God says in His Word that when we engage in the intimate act of sexual relations with someone, we become one with that person. We enter into an all-encompassing union involving our immaterial components, as well as our bodies.
What happens, then, when I become one with multiple partners? On the surface, my body, as well as my conscious affection and attention, may move on to someone new after a breakup. But what about my soul, my spirit, my mind? Are they able to put the past behind so easily? Can every part of me move into the next relationship unaffected, with no lingering residue from the previous ones? If there is sexual residue, what does it consist of? How does it impact me now or in future relationships?
I travel the country communicating on this topic, and most people Ive met have a sexual past. The sexual revolution promised fun, excitement, intimacy, and love, but delivered pain, emptiness, divorce, disease, and death instead. Forty-plus years of sexual promiscuity have yielded a harvest of wounded, broken men and women.
How has your sexual past affected you? Im going to help you begin answering that question right now. Start out with this exercise: Take a moment and think back to your very first sexual experience, and then consider later stages of your sexual history. Ask God to help you remember some of the details, especially if youve buried them deep because of pain or shame.
Were you married or single? An adult, teen, or child?
Were you in a serious relationship, or was it a one-night stand?
Was it consensual, or were you a victim?
Was your first experience a case of sexual abuse as a child? Did you become sexually promiscuous as a teen or young adult?
If you were involved in a relationship, would you characterize it as positive or negative?
How painful was the break-up for you?
After you broke up, how soon did you initiate sex in your next relationship?
If you waited for marriage to have sex, but then later divorced, did you became promiscuous prior to your second marriage?
How many sexual partners have you had?
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